Tell Her First.
[ Note from Design Mom: I knew I would be busy at Altitude Summit today (waving from Palm Springs!), so I asked Karey Mackin to share this essay today. It’s so good you will die. ]
An acquaintance who never quite made it to friend level was having a boy baby around the same time marriage equality was legalized. During one casual conversation about names, she clasped her hands together and said, “I’m so happy my son is being born at a time when he can marry anyone he chooses.”
“Ohhhh,” I replied, waving away that idea. “Tell him he doesn’t have to get married. Tell him he doesn’t have to do anything just because society says so…” I scare-quoted my fingers when I said society. “He can do whatever he wants to do. Tell him that. And you should totally name him Oscar. I think it really gives off the vibe Don’t Mess with Me, I’m a Grouch, and also have you seen the original Odd Couple? Genius.” I scare-quoted all that, too, and then ended with a shrug and this: “Then he may not get bullied, you know?”
Her face fell, and I quick tried to fix it all.
… Living With Kids: Jacqueline deMontravel
I don’t know what the weather looks like where you are, but in my neighborhood, this week suddenly turned cold and dreary. I am so glad that today’s Living With Kids post featuring the lovely Jacqueline deMontravel, is the perfect remedy for the winter blues (of the blues in general if it’s not winter where you are.) Jacqueline lives in Darien, CT and her house is full of clean lines and bright, white walls. It’s got tons of East Coast charm as well as some modern touches. And I love a house that is so full of art that the art is simply layered on top of itself. Welcome, Jacqueline! … What Does Protecting Your Family Look Like to You?
I know I’m not the only one, but I find it very difficult to concentrate immediately following a national tragedy (whether it’s natural or man made). Obviously, I have strong feelings about this topic and come to this with my own biases, but here are some of the things I heard and learned yesterday as I argued with friends and strangers about guns:
1) When I mentioned something like stricter gun laws, or gun law reform, or improving gun laws, most of the gun owners responding seemed to hear my words as: I want to take your guns away. Even though I never suggested or hinted at such a thing. So that makes it hard to start a fruitful conversation. I’m still trying to figure out how to solve that glitch. Maybe if I start comments with “I definitely want you to be able to keep your guns, but….”
…What Does Protecting Your Family Look Like to You?Read More »
Living With Kids: Mara Duckens
I’ve got the perfect bright and colorful home today to cure your winter blues. Today’s Living With Kids post welcomes Mara Duckens. Mara and her family live just outside of Milwaukee, Wisconson in a charming Victorian full of sunshine, original art and bright colors. Mara also runs a non-profit organization that helps special needs kids, and she’s got some really lovely things to say about really seeing kids for who they are. Welcome, Mara!
… Do Your Kids Wear Glasses?
I know I’ve mentioned I have horrible eyesight. It’s 20/800, which I was once told is legally blind, but I don’t really know about that. I just know I should never be behind the wheel of a car without my glasses or contacts. Ben Blair also wears glasses, though his eyes aren’t nearly as bad as mine.
So it’s no surprise that half of our kids need glasses too. Ralph and Olive both wears glasses, and recently our youngest, June, has joined them. But it’s so different from my experience. Their prescriptions aren’t very strong, and they function just fine even if they’re not wearing glasses at all. For them, glasses are optional. They keep their glasses in a case in their backpack and use them sometimes, but not always.
… Living With Kids: JoAnn Amicangelo
Getting to know JoAnn, today’s Living With Kids mom, over the last few weeks has been a real pleasure. It’s always fun for me when I get to share stories from readers who have a different perspective on life than I do. Usually, the families we feature are in the midst of raising small kids, but JoAnn is getting ready to send her adult kids out into the world, and she has so many wonderful and wise things to say. .JoAnn also recently and tragically lost her husband, and she is so incredibly vulnerable and honest about grief. It is a true honor to hear words. Welcome, JoAnn.
… That Feeling When You Thought You Knew What a Clitoris Was
Remember the sex ed discussion we had awhile back? The post was titled Advice About Sex for a College-Bound Girl. I really appreciated your comments on that post, and I read something yesterday that made me think we need a discussion round two. A Facebook friend named Twila, shared a link about Cliteracy. It’s a project site that is hosted on the Huffington Post, but is it’s own mini-site within their site. (It will make more sense when you click through.)
Before I visited the Cliteracy project, I assumed I had a pretty decent understanding of the clitoris. But it turns out I knew very little, and what I thought I knew was mostly wrong. Maybe worse than my ignorance, is that when I clicked over to the site and saw what it was about, I definitely felt kind of squeamish — like that no-thanks-I-don’t-really-want-to-know-feeling. Which is definitely not a healthy or smart attitude to take.
If you’re feeling the same way, I hope you’ll stick with me on this post, because understanding the clitoris is not just about orgasms. Our societal lack of knowledge about women’s sexuality and women’s bodies is super harmful. It affects healthcare and medicine, relationships and marriage. It ties into the whole consent discussion, it ties into the female pain discussion, and informs (or dis-informs) our entire view of what healthy sex looks like.
Some of the things I learned:
…That Feeling When You Thought You Knew What a Clitoris WasRead More »
Living With Kids: Lesley Colvin
I think you are really going to love today’s home tour. I can’t wait for you to meet Lesley! Lesley is a photographer and approached me a while ago about possibly featuring the home of one of her clients. We got to chatting and she casually mentioned that she might be interested in being featured as well, and I am so glad she took the plunge. You are going to oooh and aaah when you see her bright, beautiful, and stylish apartment in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Lesley’s style is simple and feels effortless. She almost has me convinced that I need to move to the Big Apple. Welcome, Lesley!
… When Your Depression Meds Don’t Always Work
It’s been awhile since I’ve written about my depression. Are you in the mood for an update?
I like to think of my depression as being under control, but if I’m honest, that’s not the case. Because sometimes, despite consistently taking medication and trying to live a generally healthy life, it shows up again.
And every single time it is maddeningly debilitating.
It keeps me in bed, losing whole days of my life, instead of knocking stuff off my to-do list. It keeps me home, weakening relationships, when I should really get out and be social. Or it requires me to use up all my energy to focus on not dying.
Such a horrible waste.
… Male Pleasure & Female Pain
I was gathering links for my Friday list, and came across this article. It’s written by Lili Loofbourow (who I don’t think I’ve read before), and it’s titled, “The female price of male pleasure.” I highly recommend it as a must read. In fact, I wish it were required reading. As I read it, I was surprised to find myself weeping. The amount of pain we as a culture inflict on women as a matter of course, and with basically zero acknowledgement, is simply stunning. I feel like I want to quote the whole piece, but I’ll just give you a few highlights:
“PubMed has almost five times as many clinical trials on male sexual pleasure as it has on female sexual pain. And why? Because we live in a culture that sees female pain as normal and male pleasure as a right.”
… What Was Your First Car?
My brain is on overload with conference planning. Would you mind taking a break with me to chat about something lighter? Yesterday, I saw this picture of the vintage car we bought in France, it’s a (Renault 4L), and started thinking about all the different cars we’ve owned as a couple, and the ones I owned before I got married too.
My very first car was a Honda Civic Hatchback. I bought it for $500.
… Living With Kids: Mari Melby
I have some dear friends from Minnesota, and when I interact with them, I often think to myself that the Mid-West stereotype is true: they are some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. I think the same can be said for Mari, who is today’s Living With Kids hostess. She and her husband live in a darling home in Minneapolis with a lot of vintage charm and a really cool playroom/loft space. And Mari has a lot of cool things to say too — about postpartum depression, intuitive healing and following your instincts to live an amazing life. Welcome, Mari! We’re so glad you’re here.
… Was it a Bad Date? Or Was it Coercion?
I’ve been obnoxiously glued to the Aziz Ansari news story the last couple of days. It’s not a pleasant story, but I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. At this point, I’ve probably read a dozen essays in response, and another 2 dozen lengthy Twitter threads dissecting the situation, and placing blame on him, or on her, or on both.
If you haven’t seen the story, it’s from a woman who is using the name Grace, and it’s about a pretty terrible date she had with Aziz Ansari. You can read the original report here.
… Living With Kids: Elizabeth Ayoub
I remember when I started getting interested in design, it was the Arts and Crafts movement that first caught my attention. I loved all the interesting shapes and patterns and different tones of wood layered on top of each other. That’s why I was so excited today to introduce you to our lovely Living With Kids family, the Ayoubs. Elizabeth and her husband live in a gorgeous arts and crafts home in Michigan with their adorable daughter. The home is full of classic charm, and Elizabeth is as warm and interesting as you would expect her to be. Welcome, Elizabeth!
… Design Mom 2018 Reader Survey Results
The survey! 3472 of you took it. And I’m so grateful for the helpful feedback. I can’t even tell you. I thought it would be fun today to go over a few of the highlights — there were definitely some surprises. At least for me. : )
Come take a look.
… Is the Myers-Briggs Personality Test Bunk?
I read a funny tweet the other day that said, “Myers-Briggs is just astrology for people who went to business school.”
Made me laugh! And yes, I’ve totally taken Myers-Briggs tests. In fact, more than once over the years. I seem to waffle between ENFJ and INFJ, and I confess, I never remember my score, so if it comes up in conversation, I have to look it up in this earlier blog post. Hah! …Myers-Briggs is just astrology for people who went to business school
— Drew “No Nazis” 4484? (@Drew4484) January 1, 2018
Living With Kids: Rebecca Muz
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I love how every home seems to reflect the personality of its owners. Some are serious and calming. Some seem warm and cozy like a really great hug. And some, like this week’s Living With Kids home tour, are fun, playful and full of life. Please say hello to Rebecca and her family who reside in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Mark is a musician and an artist, and Rebecca is a designer. They have three teenage kids and their home totally reflects that. Poppy, bright and fun are the words that keep coming to mind. It’s the perfect antidote to a cold winter’s day. Welcome, Rebecca!
… Random Thoughts – New Year’s Edition
Hello, Friends. Happy New Year!! How are you? I’m feeling a big dose of hope, and woke up today with a really positive outlook for the year. I love the fresh start, blank slate feel that comes with January 1st.
I thought I’d start the year with a Random Thoughts post. There has been so much on my mind over the holiday break and I’m dying to discuss everything with you. So here goes.
– We’re on our way to Palm Springs for a few days. In fact, I’m typing this from the car. I’m the only member of the family who has ever been to Palm Springs, but Ben Blair and the kids hear me talk about it often because I host a conference there. (For those of you who don’t know, I’m the head of Altitude Design Summit and our flagship event currently takes place in Palm Springs.)
So I thought it would be fun to take the whole family and stay at The Saguaro, the same place where Alt Summit takes place, so that the kids can picture the whole event, and feel a connection to it, even if they don’t attend.
… Do You Have A Favorite Christmas Carol?
Christmas music! What’s your take? Do you have a favorite Christmas Carol or a Christmas album? Do you listen to the holiday station on the radio? Do you start playing Christmas songs on Thanksgiving Day and keep the music going till New Year’s Day? And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, what is it like having every almost every shop and restaurant in the country play seasonal music all month long?
As you can guess, I woke up today thinking about Christmas Carols. My very favorite of the Christmas hymns is Oh Come All Ye Faithful. I like that it’s an invitation, and I love the line about “Oh come let us adore Him.” That’s how I feel about new babies in general — my instinct is to visit a new baby just so we can oooh and aaah over her. (Wow! A brand new human! A new life! It’s endlessly miraculous!). I guess the lyrics just resonate with my life experience.
… How Often Do You Add New Family Holiday Traditions?
Like your family, we have traditional things we do every holiday season. There’s the particular dip we only eat on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve. Or choosing out a new ornament for the tree. Or lighting candles and reading books from our stack of holiday titles instead of the usual bedtime stories. Or how the kids open new pajamas the night before Christmas.
And then, there are other family holiday traditions that only make an appearance every few years. Sometimes we love attending a Messiah Sing-a-long, or a performance of the Nutcracker. Some years we like to give a 12 Days of Christmas series of gifts to an elderly neighbor. Once in a while we get a craving to cut our own Christmas tree.
We also like to try something new and different each year — thinking of it as a potential new family holiday tradition. This year, we thought for something new, we’d visit the Oakland Zoo lights. Back in our New York days, I remember taking the kids to see the holiday lights at the Bronx Zoo — but it’s been so many years! And we’ve never tried it here. So last Monday night for Family Home Evening, we decided the Zoo lights was the perfect outing.
…How Often Do You Add New Family Holiday Traditions?Read More »