Living With Kids: Lani Inlander
When I first started asking parents about how their lives had changed because of the COVID pandemic I thought we would be out of it in several long weeks. 4 or 5 Living With Kids posts and we would be back to normal. But here we are, in July and we’re still talking about how the quarantine has changed lives.
Today I am excited for you to meet Lani. She is an entrepreneur and lives with her husband and two kids in DC. Like so many of us her life was thrown into turmoil while trying to figure out how to work from home and run school and parent, but now the family is settling into some sort of normal and appreciating what they are learning in the process. Welcome, Lani!
…American Tragedy Documentary
Do you remember when the Columbine high school shooting happened? It was 1999, so I’m sure some of you reading were too young to be aware yet. There were so many essays and op-eds in the months following the shooting, suggesting that the parents of the shooters must have known something like this was going to happen; that the parents could have prevented it; that they must be absentee parents, or cruel, abusive parents to have raised a child who could kill in cold blood. And of course, we hear the same thing suggested every time there has been a school shooting since.
But in the 21 years since Columbine, a huge amount of research has been done, and the experts agree our assumptions about parents are wrong. It turns out parents don’t know and can’t predict if their child is going to become a school shooter, and that even loving parents can raise a killer.
So the bad news is, the statistics tell us 1 in 5 kids will have a severe and debilitating mental health disorder before the age of 18. Which means even if it’s not your child, it’s 4 or 5 kids in their class. But the good news is, Anthony Biglan reports in The Nurture Effect that with the right tools and early interventions, “preventing crime, academic failure, alcohol abuse, tobacco use, drug abuse, teenage pregnancy, marital discord, poverty, child abuse, depression, anxiety . . . is possible.”
My sister-in-law, Lisa Sabey, dove into mental health research when one of her six kids was dealing with an eating disorder, and the research became her passion. She has made it her life’s work to change the way our country thinks about and approaches mental health care for kids. Her second full-length documentary on mental health, titled American Tragedy, comes out tomorrow (July 7th), and it follows the story of Sue Klebold, the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two Columbine shooters. The message of the film is: it’s an American Tragedy that we have not understood the importance of mental wellness, nor taught it.
…Living With Kids: Julie Hammond
Today we get to meet Julie Hammond of Asheville, North Carolina. Covid-19 continues to make impacts in so many lives, large and small. In Julie’s and her husbands case, who were recently “empty nesters”, it meant welcoming their college aged daughter back home to shelter with them and wait out the pandemic. Julie’s house feels warm and comfortable, and Julie has a great perspective on enjoying and appreciating older children as they become adults. Welcome, Julie!
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? Our school year is almost done! Oscar and Betty have their last day today, and Flora June’s last day will be Tuesday. We’re almost there! Olive’s Au Pair position ends next Friday, and she’ll join us for the summer after that.
We’re started to turn our attention to summer plans. We’re hoping to fit in three road trips — one West to the coast of Brittany; one North to Lille and the surrounding area; one South to Marseilles and the Calanques National Park. And yes, we’re paying attention to the news, and if anything changes in France covid-wise, we will adjust/cancel our plans. Thankfully, right now things are still looking good here.
How about some links? Here are a few things I’ve wanted to share:
…Oil Pulling — 6 Years Later
In 2014 I randomly happened upon the practice of oil-pulling. I was curious about it and gave it a try. Turns out I liked it so much I wrote a blog post about it. Four months later, I was still oil-pulling daily, and I wrote an update about it.
Fast forward to today, six and half years since I first wrote about it, and oil-pulling is still a part of my life. So I thought you might like another update.
For many readers, when I wrote about oil-pulling in 2014, it was a new idea for them — just as it had been for me. If you haven’t heard of it, no worries. Here’s a quick introduction:
…Living With Kids: Sara Stratford
I fell in love with the Lieutenant House the first time I saw it and then when I learned that is named after the henchman of Bugsy Seigel I loved it even more. This amazing home belongs to Sara Stratford, her husband and three kids. Sara and her family live in Westchester County outside of New York City. Just like so many of us, the pandemic forced them to reprioritize, hunker down and make some decisions about what is important.
You’re going to love taking a peek at this home. It’s smartly designed and surrounded by gorgeous old growth trees — and Sara has so many smart things to say about parenting older kids. Welcome, Sara!
…Tour of a French Antique Store
Want a little tour of a high/low French antique store? Last week, our friends Sandi & Mark introduced us to an amazing shop called L’Horloge Penchée (it means leaning clock). It’s about 40 minutes from our town. Oh my goodness we found so many treasures! So many bargains!
If you’re ever visiting France and making the trek from Paris to the D-Day Beaches, this is right on the way and totally worth a stop. It’s a massive store with lots of little corners to explore. And please be aware, this is a mini-tour. Check out my Antiques Highlight for a much more thorough tour, including over 80 photos.
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? How was your week?
We are starting to feel the wind down of the school year. Oscar and Betty finish next Friday the 26th, and Flora June’s last day of school is the 30th. The government has been phasing a return to school over the last several weeks, and part of that included keeping classrooms half full, but for the last week of school, all the students will return and they’ll have their usual class size.
In related news, borders have started reopening among European countries, and for the first time, we are starting to think about our summer travel plans. As we started planning, we’ve concluded we should try to keep our travel within France’s borders — we’ve read there are some countries where American passports are not welcome because Covid-19 is not under control in the States. And we don’t want to risk booking plane tickets to somewhere like Greece and then not being allowed in the country.
What’s summer travel looking like where you live? Are things opening up? Do you feel safe to travel? Would you prefer to stay close to home this summer?
Ready for the link list? Here are a few things I’ve wanted to share with you:
…Research on What a World Without Policing Could Look Like
I know so many of us are diving into research about what it would mean to defund or abolish the police. Like you, I’m pretty new to this conversation (like only two weeks in), so I’m doing lots of reading and listening. Luckily, there are a whole lot of people who have been studying this topic for years, and we can look to them as experts.
For this post, I’ve collected some writings and sources for anyone who wants to take a serious look at what American might look like without policing. If your immediate reaction is: That could never work! That’s crazy! I ask you to dig in to these links with an open mind. I think we all agree that the current system is incredibly harmful to millions and millions of people, and there’s no need to preserve or defend the status quo. So why not use this moment to take a serious look at other options?
Please remember: no voice advocating for defunding or abolishment has suggested we get rid of 911. Already when you call 911, the person who answers the phone might send an ambulance, or the fire department, or the police. So the idea that there might be other options to send to someone in need (in lieu of the police) is not far-fetched or unusual.
…Research on What a World Without Policing Could Look LikeRead More »
Living With Kids: Amy Graham
Amy’s bright and colorful home is the sort of place that really draws you in. And Amy’s life sounds like it is high energy and exciting and fun. She and her husband and three boys live in Idaho and since Amy is an art instructor, there is art on every surface — I love it and I think you will too. Plus you’ll love hearing what Amy has to say. Welcome, Amy!
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? We had a full, emotional, and interesting week. There was a funeral yesterday — it was my first online funeral. We went through all of our old scrapbooks and photo albums, seeking out the photos of our friend Christopher Clark, and letters they exchanged when he and Ben were missionaries (one in Finland, one in Greece).
There was quite a bit of time spent responding to questions about my recent Twitter thread. I ended up sharing it first on Twitter, then here on Design Mom, then in my Instagram Stories, and then at the request of a few followers, I created an Instagram post of the tweets (Instagram makes it easy to share posts, but harder to share Stories, and they wanted to share it).
The Instagram post got way more attention then I was expecting — I think it’s my most liked IG post ever. It made me realize that I’ve been doing this work for 14 years and my instincts for social media are still way off sometimes. Sharing the tweets as a post hadn’t even occurred to me. Hah!
Another interesting thing this week is that the kids were back in school, and suddenly it was like: Oh yeah! This is how a work week feels. I had forgotten.
I know there are a whole lot of people who have gone from “working from home while the kids are also schooling from home” to “working from home while the kids are on summer break at home”, so our situation feels a bit unique. Most schools in the U.S. are out for the summer, but school in France ends July 5th. So our kids still have a few weeks left. School is definitely different, with a lot more safety features implemented, but the kids really enjoy being back. And the house feels so strange with only Ben Blair and me at home.
Let’s get to those links. Here are a few things I’ve wanted to share:
…Christopher Clark
On Saturday, we got the news that Ben Blair’s earliest friend, Christopher Clark, had died. Chris was an award-winning director, loving husband, father of five terrific kids, dedicated Anglophile, Shakespeare expert, concert pianist, Finnish-speaking, all around super-talented guy.
He was diagnosed with ALS almost five years ago, so his death wasn’t all that surprising, but at the same time has felt like a great shock. Chris has been so upbeat, positive, and hopeful throughout the steady decline of the last years — the loss of his legs and feet, then his arms and hands, his ability to speak, his ability to swallow — that I had started to think he was destined to be an ALS outlier. That he would live for another decade or more. That he would talk in his computer voice, and keep taking on theater projects, maybe write a book, continue leaving hilarious 5-star google reviews for random businesses.
I met Chris the same night I met Ben Blair. I was 20 years old. It was at a Bean Society Meeting. They were seated at a piano — Chris played and they sang a duet they had written: Beans on Valentine’s Day. They would later perform it at our wedding reception.
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. I hope you are okay.
I’ve been sharing tweets on Instagram this week. I screengrab the tweet and put it in my Stories, and I tag the writer on Instagram if I can find their account. I know there are a lot of people on Instagram who don’t use Twitter, and I wanted to give them a sense of what I was seeing.
My Instagram followers asked me to save the screen-grabbed tweets to a highlight. So I did. But then it filled up (you can only put 100 stories in a highlight). So I made a second highlight and it’s almost full too.
You can see what I’ve shared in highlight one, and highlight two.
I’ve received hundreds and hundreds of responses from my Instagram followers. The responses to stories come as DMs (direct messages), which means they sort of go into an Instagram inbox, and they can only be seen by me. Lots of emotional responses — which is no surprise. But also lots of disbelief. There are too many people who don’t want to believe that police officers all over the country are attacking peaceful protesters. But it is happening. It’s very, very real.
I don’t think anybody could see what has been shared this week, and not come away convinced that policing in our country needs to be completely dismantled and reimagined. The amount of corruption, over-funding, and abuse can’t be “reformed”. It needs to be taken apart, and built again from completely new materials. There is no part of the current system that is worth saving.
With that, here are a few things I’ve wanted to share with you. Heads up: It’s all quite heavy.
…Living With Kids – Melanie Read
Melanie has such a great story about how the quarantine has impacted her family and I am so glad you get to hear it today. Not only did she have to pivot to homeschooling kids (like so many of us did), but they also had to deal with having a child overseas that they had to try and get home before everything locked down. Melanie shares her lovely home and speaks eloquently about how the house had to pivot too and become more than it was before. Welcome, Melanie.
…Some Steps to Help Us Get Started on our Anti-Racism Learning
Hey fellow white people. Like me, if you were born in America and grew up in America, you were raised to be racist. Even if we like to think we “don’t see color”. Even if we can’t identify anything racist we’ve ever said or done or thought. Even if our parents are “woke” liberals, or we grew up in a big diverse city.
No one is saying you chose to be born into country that was built on systemic racism. No one is saying you chose to be raised with racism deeply pervading every aspect of the culture. Yet, even if you didn’t choose it, you were raised in a racist country with racist views. Please don’t waste your time arguing with it. Just accept it. Then help make a plan about how we’re going to become anti-racist.
7 steps we can take (of an endless list):
…Some Steps to Help Us Get Started on our Anti-Racism LearningRead More »
A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? I had the hardest time concentrating on work this week. Same for the house renovation. I was completely distracted by current events. I find news weeks like this to be all consuming — I tend to keep myself glued to Twitter, clicking every link, reading every essay, trying to formulate thoughts and figure out what sort of positive actions I can take.
We’ve had long discussions with the kids about Amy Cooper and George Floyd. We asked them not to watch the George Floyd video (I didn’t watch it either — no one needs to watch someone be murdered on camera), and we all watched the Amy Cooper video together several times.
We discussed how she intentionally manipulates her voice, and changes it to sound panic-ed, even though she’s obviously safe. And how she threatens to call the cops and specify he’s an African American, and claim that he’s threatening her life — clearly understanding that police reacting with violence to black people is very common. You can see her making the mental calculations and it feels like pure evil.
Now we’re watching news about the protests, sharing thoughts on Twitter and in Instagram Stories, and I’m feeling even more worried about my country than I did on Monday. (Memorial Day feels like a month ago already.)
I mean how do I share links this week? There are hundreds and hundreds I should share with you. Here are a few things, and feel free to check out my retweets for many more links:
…Olive’s Online Graduation
A quick catchup for any readers who might have missed it: instead of attending her senior year of high school, Olive, our 3rd oldest child, is currently working as an Au Pair in the south of France. She lives in a really beautiful university town called Montpelier.
You may remember our daughter Maude did something similar, and spent her senior year in Paris as an Au Pair. At the time, Maude had three classes to finish in order to graduate from high school, and she took those classes online while she lived in Paris. And then, at the end of May, she came home to “walk” with the rest of her graduating class, and was able to fully take part in the ceremony. She had arranged for this before she moved to Paris, so it wasn’t a surprise.
Olive planned to the same thing, but with one big change: she finished her remaining classes in the summer before she moved to Montpelier. She had learned from Maude that it was really challenging to adjust to a new job and life, while also completing any remaining high school classes via online school, so she finished up her high school coursework before she left. And she made an arrangement with her high school counselor that she could come back in May to graduate with her classmates.
…Living With Kids: Nora Gomez-Strauss
Nora is joining us today from Queens, New York where she was born and raised. She and her husband both grew up there and they are now raising their two small kids in an apartment that they renovated together a few years back. Nora and her family are living in one of the hotspots of the current pandemic and, like most of us, have had to adapt to a new way of living. She shares some wonderful thoughts and advice about how to make things work with two small kids and two parents trying to get their jobs done in a smallish apartment. Welcome, Nora.
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? How was your week? Are things beginning to open up where you are? Or do you still have strict shelter-in-place guidelines?
We’re looking forward to working on some projects over at the Tall House this weekend. We’ve got some more demolition in the attic, and we’re trying to make some progress on cleaning a really dirty plaster wall up there. We’d love to go walking in the countryside too! The weather has been lovely.
Memorial Day is on Monday — will you get to visit any gravesites? Or do something special to mark the day? We will miss taking part in the U.S. Pampanito memorial service with Oscar’s scout troupe (though I assume it’s not happening this year).
When we lived in France before, we would go to the American Military Cemetery at the D-Day beaches. Visits to that sacred place are always worthwhile (and emotional). I don’t even know if it’s open during quarantine, but if it is, I hope we can visit this weekend.
How about you? Any plans for the “long weekend” or will it look the same as every other shelter-at-home weekend?
I’ve got some terrific links for you this week. Here are a few things I’ve wanted to share:
…Eight Great Houses For Sale In This Part Of Normandy
I know I’ve written about buying French Real Estate before, but I’ve been getting lots of questions about it lately, and I thought it would be fun to talk about it again. Mostly, people are curious about what kind of properties are out there, and what are prices like.
I spent some time this week on three of my favorite local real estate sites (Hexagone, Orpi, and Century 21), and selected 8 properties to share with you that stood out to me for one reason or another. Some are in town and very walkable. Some are in the countryside with lots of land. Some need tons of work. Some need none at all, or very little.
Remember: If you click through and check out the listings, be sure to use your imagination, because “staging” houses isn’t really a thing here. In fact, I’ve seen houses for sale with photos of unmade beds, and dishes in the kitchen sink. The nice thing about that is no one is trying to sneak anything past you — it’s all very transparent and feels honest and real. What you see is what you get. : )
…Eight Great Houses For Sale In This Part Of NormandyRead More »