Some Steps to Help Us Get Started on our Anti-Racism Learning
Hey fellow white people. Like me, if you were born in America and grew up in America, you were raised to be racist. Even if we like to think we “don’t see color”. Even if we can’t identify anything racist we’ve ever said or done or thought. Even if our parents are “woke” liberals, or we grew up in a big diverse city.
No one is saying you chose to be born into country that was built on systemic racism. No one is saying you chose to be raised with racism deeply pervading every aspect of the culture. Yet, even if you didn’t choose it, you were raised in a racist country with racist views. Please don’t waste your time arguing with it. Just accept it. Then help make a plan about how we’re going to become anti-racist.
7 steps we can take (of an endless list):
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A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? I had the hardest time concentrating on work this week. Same for the house renovation. I was completely distracted by current events. I find news weeks like this to be all consuming — I tend to keep myself glued to Twitter, clicking every link, reading every essay, trying to formulate thoughts and figure out what sort of positive actions I can take.
We’ve had long discussions with the kids about Amy Cooper and George Floyd. We asked them not to watch the George Floyd video (I didn’t watch it either — no one needs to watch someone be murdered on camera), and we all watched the Amy Cooper video together several times.
We discussed how she intentionally manipulates her voice, and changes it to sound panic-ed, even though she’s obviously safe. And how she threatens to call the cops and specify he’s an African American, and claim that he’s threatening her life — clearly understanding that police reacting with violence to black people is very common. You can see her making the mental calculations and it feels like pure evil.
Now we’re watching news about the protests, sharing thoughts on Twitter and in Instagram Stories, and I’m feeling even more worried about my country than I did on Monday. (Memorial Day feels like a month ago already.)
I mean how do I share links this week? There are hundreds and hundreds I should share with you. Here are a few things, and feel free to check out my retweets for many more links:
…Olive’s Online Graduation
A quick catchup for any readers who might have missed it: instead of attending her senior year of high school, Olive, our 3rd oldest child, is currently working as an Au Pair in the south of France. She lives in a really beautiful university town called Montpelier.
You may remember our daughter Maude did something similar, and spent her senior year in Paris as an Au Pair. At the time, Maude had three classes to finish in order to graduate from high school, and she took those classes online while she lived in Paris. And then, at the end of May, she came home to “walk” with the rest of her graduating class, and was able to fully take part in the ceremony. She had arranged for this before she moved to Paris, so it wasn’t a surprise.
Olive planned to the same thing, but with one big change: she finished her remaining classes in the summer before she moved to Montpelier. She had learned from Maude that it was really challenging to adjust to a new job and life, while also completing any remaining high school classes via online school, so she finished up her high school coursework before she left. And she made an arrangement with her high school counselor that she could come back in May to graduate with her classmates.
…Living With Kids: Nora Gomez-Strauss
Nora is joining us today from Queens, New York where she was born and raised. She and her husband both grew up there and they are now raising their two small kids in an apartment that they renovated together a few years back. Nora and her family are living in one of the hotspots of the current pandemic and, like most of us, have had to adapt to a new way of living. She shares some wonderful thoughts and advice about how to make things work with two small kids and two parents trying to get their jobs done in a smallish apartment. Welcome, Nora.
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? How was your week? Are things beginning to open up where you are? Or do you still have strict shelter-in-place guidelines?
We’re looking forward to working on some projects over at the Tall House this weekend. We’ve got some more demolition in the attic, and we’re trying to make some progress on cleaning a really dirty plaster wall up there. We’d love to go walking in the countryside too! The weather has been lovely.
Memorial Day is on Monday — will you get to visit any gravesites? Or do something special to mark the day? We will miss taking part in the U.S. Pampanito memorial service with Oscar’s scout troupe (though I assume it’s not happening this year).
When we lived in France before, we would go to the American Military Cemetery at the D-Day beaches. Visits to that sacred place are always worthwhile (and emotional). I don’t even know if it’s open during quarantine, but if it is, I hope we can visit this weekend.
How about you? Any plans for the “long weekend” or will it look the same as every other shelter-at-home weekend?
I’ve got some terrific links for you this week. Here are a few things I’ve wanted to share:
…Eight Great Houses For Sale In This Part Of Normandy
I know I’ve written about buying French Real Estate before, but I’ve been getting lots of questions about it lately, and I thought it would be fun to talk about it again. Mostly, people are curious about what kind of properties are out there, and what are prices like.
I spent some time this week on three of my favorite local real estate sites (Hexagone, Orpi, and Century 21), and selected 8 properties to share with you that stood out to me for one reason or another. Some are in town and very walkable. Some are in the countryside with lots of land. Some need tons of work. Some need none at all, or very little.
Remember: If you click through and check out the listings, be sure to use your imagination, because “staging” houses isn’t really a thing here. In fact, I’ve seen houses for sale with photos of unmade beds, and dishes in the kitchen sink. The nice thing about that is no one is trying to sneak anything past you — it’s all very transparent and feels honest and real. What you see is what you get. : )
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Living With Kids: Katie Garry
Katie Garry and her family live in Glendale, Ohio in a home that will feel familiar to so many parents — charming spaces touched with kids toys and piles of laundry that never seem to end. : )
Katie is the mom of two toddlers (not quite old enough to be in school yet). So, while her quarantine experience hasn’t had the home schooling aspect that many parents are managing, she is dealing with the unique challenges of trying to keep two little ones occupied, while she and her husband try and get their work done. Welcome, Katie!
…Will We Build Something Better?
Six weeks ago, when sheltering-at-home was relatively new, Sonya Renee Taylor shared this thought on Instagram, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
As restrictions start to open, what have we learned? Are we trying to get back to what we thought was “normal”? Will we take this chance to do things differently?
Some of what’s on my mind:
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? Are you looking forward to the weekend? I’ve had such a strange week. I’d wake up feeling fine, go about my day, and after one errand or task, I would feel so physically wiped out, I’d have to lay down. I’d post updates about the house to Instagram stories, or meet with the carpenter — and then it was like I was suddenly maxed out. But I had no other symptoms and I couldn’t figure out what was up. It was so strange!
I’m feeling much more like myself today, so I’m grateful for that.
It was also a strange week because I was attacked by this fringe group of Mormons that are super far right — like farther right than MAGA — who happened to find my God + Guns thread. I argued with some, and blocked others. That kind of thing can be so exhausting.
So anyway, it was an odd week. But luckily, that didn’t stop me from finding you some really excellent links. Here are a few things I’ve been wanting to share:
…Living With Kids: Rachel Kuhn
Please say hello to Rachel. She and her family live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina and like the rest of us, have recently been making quaratine-related adjustments to schedules and expectations.
In this interview, I love that Rachel shares a bit about their foster son, and what the fostering process was like for them. I had NO IDEA that so many kids needed foster care, and that a large part of it is due to the opioid crisis in the country. It’s so heartbreaking, and I am so glad families like Rachel’s are stepping up to make sure these kids have a safe place to land. Welcome, Rachel!
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? How was your week? It’s a birthday week at our house. Flora June turned 10 yesterday, and Betty turns 14 tomorrow — plus we’ve got Mother’s Day on Sunday — so lots of stay-at-home celebrating around these parts.
Have your kids had birthdays during quarantine? These are the first ones for our family and of course it feels strange. Typically we would do a few traditional things with the family (breakfast in bed, light candles, open presents, etc.), and then do something fun with friends and cousins — a party, or bringing a treat to school, or going out to dinner, or maybe going on an adventure. Obviously the celebrations are really low-key this year, but we’re hoping the girls feel celebrated and loved.
For Mother’s Day, I asked the kids to make me cinnamon rolls. : ) I plan to sleep in, eat those cinnamon rolls, and if the weather is good, maybe we’ll go for walk out in the countryside. I know Mother’s Day can feel absolutely fraught for so many people, so I hope you’ll be gentle with yourselves this weekend.
One other interesting thing I wanted to note: Flora June will return to school on a modified schedule starting Monday. Half her class will be attending Monday and Thursday, and half the class will be attending on Tuesday and Friday. (They have Wednesdays off with or without quarantine.) On the days they aren’t in the classroom, they’ll continue with digital assignments. But Betty and Oscar don’t start again on Monday — I’m still unclear on if/when they will return to school. And like you, I’m very curious to see how all of this works out.
Ready for a link list? Here are a few things I’ve wanted to share:
…Random Thoughts
I hope you’re in the mood for a Random Thoughts post. Here are some of the things on my mind, including some of the bright spots we’ve experienced over the last couple of months.
-Have you already watched Little Fires Everywhere? I keep thinking about it. It’s a recent show on Hulu. It was being shared one episode each week, but the first season is officially out, so you can binge the whole thing at once if you’d like. The main characters are played by Kerri Washington and Reese Witherspoon and the acting is SO GOOD. The story is compelling and complicated, and I love that they used actual children to play the children. I was so happy every time there was a new episode to watch.
…Living With Kids: Sabrina Lloyd
I’m so happy to get to meet Sabrina. She and her husband and two kids have a beautiful home in Vancouver they have lovingly remodeled from the ground up. Sabrina has that unique knack of finding vintage and used pieces and pulling them all together in really smart, handsome ways that feel collected and curated rather than messy. And Sabrina has been the solo parent for the last four months while her husband has been stuck at their other home in Kenya during the pandemic. You’ll appreciate her wisdom and candor and her stylish home. Welcome, Sabrina!
…Tall House: Wallpaper Tour
De-wallpapering at the new house has been a big task. There were eight different rooms, plus the entry, that were heavily wallpapered — including three rooms with wallpapered ceilings!
It felt overwhelming to get started pulling it down, but once we got to work, using a steamer and scrapers, we found it was actually quite satisfying. We made lots of time lapse videos while we worked, which have been wonderful to watch afterwards. We would typically do a 1.5 to 2-hour shift (just long enough to go through one full tank of steam), and it’s rewarding to see two hours of progress condensed into a tidy 30 seconds. (You can watch some of the time-lapse videos on my Demolition Highlight.)
We officially finished de-wallpapering about a week ago, and I thought you might enjoy a little tour of the eight different wallpapers we’ve pulled down at the new house. Something lucky for us: As we’ve explored the house, we found remnant rolls of most of the wallpapers we pulled down.
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. Happy May Day! It’s Labor Day in France today. Schools and shops would normally close today, and they are — but it feels so different this year. President Macron spoke last night and told everyone that he knows today is normally a celebratory day, and that he’s sad this year that there can be no celebrations.
On a happier note, one sweet French tradition is to give little bouquets of Lily of the Valley on May 1st. Apparently, on the first of May in 1561, France’s King Charles IX was given a Lily of the Valley flower as a lucky charm and liked it so much that he decided to offer them each to the ladies of the court.
Other things to report: We cleared lots of rubble at the new house this week, and Flora June asked for a haircut — we cut off 9 inches! Her curls have bounced right up. And Betty finished reading Emma, and wants to watch some of the movie adaptations. Last night we watched the Gwyneth Emma. Tonight, we’ll watch Clueless. And tomorrow we’ll watch the new Emma.
Ready for links? Here are a few things I’ve wanted to share:
…How To Host A Family Reading Marathon
Last week, our kids were on “spring break,” and they didn’t need to check in to virtual school. So we set aside one day for a reading marathon. We wanted to do something that felt different — like a vacation — even though during this official school break our daily life was pretty much unchanged,
In the past we’ve tried to hold Family Reading Marathons somewhere out of town, because we’ve found there are too many interruptions and distractions at home. But not during quarantine! There are no surprise visitors or last minute plans these days.
This was our Family Reading Marathon schedule:
…Found Treasure: Vintage French Weights
When we were clearing out the garden shed, we found some old cast iron weights — they were crusted over with vinegar. We didn’t know what they were for, but we thought they were cool and decided to attempt a de-rusting.
It was a success! You can see the restored cast iron weights above, and we also restored some tiny brass weights too. Plus, we learned what the weights were originally used for.
This is how the de-rusting/restoring process went:
…Living With Kids: Tiffany West
Today you get to meet Tiffany West and hear her story. Tiffany married into a family where there were already kids and immediately became a mom to her step kids. She and her family live outside Washington D.C. in a really rural and beautiful area called Delaplane in Virginia. And just like many of our recent posts, she talks openly and candidly about the struggles and surprises about working from home, home schooling, and quarantine. Welcome, Tiffany!
…Flora June’s Name Change
You may remember me mentioning that when we moved to France, June decided to go by her first name, Flora (her full name is Flora June Blair, but we’ve called her June since birth).
We thought that sounded like a good idea and were fully supportive. So when we registered her for school here, and introduced her to people, we only introduced her as Flora, never June. We also started calling her Flora at home.
We’ve been here 8 months and I thought you might be interested in hearing how the name change has gone.
…A Few Things
Hello, Friends. How are you? How was your week? Ours was good. We cleared out two structures in the backyard at the new house — a potting shed, and an old building that was once a carriage house and is now a dirt-floored shed. It was really satisfying to empty them both out and clear the cobwebs — though now we have big piles we need to take to the “decheterie” for recycling and dumping. (Here’s a garden highlight if you’d like to see what we’ve been working on.)
We also had someone come take a look at the broken glass in the yard that needs to be replaced. That work is supposed to start next week and I’m quite happy about it. The garden is a pretty little spot — and then you see the broken glass and all of sudden it feels depressing — so it will be wonderful to have the glass replaced.
While one crew was tackling the garden, some of us were working on the last room of wallpaper. It’s one of the smaller rooms but it’s taken longer than any other — the glue is particularly sticky. I think it will take another 2 or 3 sessions with a full steamer.
Up next? I think we’ll be knocking out some old plaster in the attic. But before I head over there, here are a few things I’ve wanted to share:
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