Note from Design Mom: Two years ago, I tried something new. I wrote a Twitter thread for the first time. That first thread is about abortion, irresponsible ejaculations, why politicians who claim to care about abortion don’t really care, and how I think we need to approach the topic of abortion differently. I’m republishing it here today to mark the anniversary (and because I know many of you don’t use Twitter).
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I’m a mother of six, and a Mormon. I have a good understanding of arguments surrounding abortion, religious and otherwise. I’ve been listening to men grandstand about women’s reproductive rights, and I’m convinced men actually have zero interest in stopping abortion. Here’s why…
If you want to stop abortion, you need to prevent unwanted pregnancies. And men are 100% responsible for unwanted pregnancies. No for real, they are. Perhaps you are thinking: IT TAKES TWO! And yes, it does take two for _intentional_ pregnancies.
But ALL unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. Period. Don’t believe me? Let me walk you through it. Let’s start with this: women’s eggs are only fertile about 2 days each month. And that’s for a limited number of years.
That makes 24 days a year a women’s egg might get fertilized. But men can cause pregnancy 365 days a year. In fact, if you’re a man who ejaculates multiple times a day, you could cause multiple pregnancies daily. In theory a man could cause 1000+ unwanted pregnancies in just one year.
And though their sperm gets crappier as they age, men can cause unwanted pregnancies from puberty till death. So just starting with basic biology + the calendar it’s easy to see men are the issue here.
But what about birth control? If a woman doesn’t want to risk an unwanted pregnancy, why wouldn’t she just use birth control? If a women can manage to figure out how to get an abortion, surely she can get birth control, right? Great questions.
Modern birth control is possibly the greatest invention of the last century, and I am very grateful for it. It’s also brutal. The side effects for many women are ridiculously harmful. So ridiculous, that when an oral contraception for men was created, it wasn’t approved…
… because of the side effects. And the list of side effects was about 1/3 as long as the known side effects for women’s oral contraception.
There’s a lot to be unpacked just in that story, but I’ll simply point out that as a society, we really don’t mind if women suffer, physically or mentally, as long as it makes things easier for men.
But good news, Men: Even with the horrible side effects, women are still very willing to use birth control. Unfortunately it’s harder to get than it should be. Birth control options for women require a doctor’s appointment and a prescription. It’s not free, and often not cheap.
In fact there are many people trying to make it more expensive by fighting to make sure insurance companies refuse to cover it. Oral contraceptives for women can’t be acquired easily, or at the last minute. And they don’t work instantly.
If we’re talking about the pill, it requires consistent daily use and doesn’t leave much room for mistakes, forgetfulness, or unexpected disruptions to daily schedules. And again, the side effects can be brutal. I’M STILL GRATEFUL FOR IT PLEASE DON’T TAKE IT AWAY.
I’m just saying women’s birth control isn’t simple or easy. In contrast, let’s look at birth control for men, meaning condoms. Condoms are readily available at all hours, inexpensive, convenient, and don’t require a prescription. They’re effective, and work on demand, instantly.
Men can keep them stocked up just in case, so they’re always prepared. Amazing! They are so much easier than birth control options for women. As a bonus, in general, women love when men use condoms. They keep us from getting STDs, they don’t lessen our pleasure during sex or prevent us from climaxing.
And the best part? Clean up is so much easier — no waddling to the toilet as your jizz drips down our legs. So why in the world are there ever unwanted pregnancies? Why don’t men just use condoms every time they have sex? Seems so simple, right?
Oh. I remember. Men don’t love condoms. In fact, men frequently pressure women to have sex without a condom. And it’s not unheard of for men to remove the condom during sex, without the women’s permission or knowledge. (Pro-tip: That’s assault.)
Why would men want to have sex without a condom? Good question. Apparently it’s because for the minutes they are penetrating their partner, having no condom on gives the experience more pleasure.
So… there are men willing to risk getting a woman pregnant — which means literally risking her life, her health, her social status, her relationships, and her career, so that they can experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure? Is that for real? Yes. Yes it is.
What are we talking about here pleasure-wise? If there’s a pleasure scale, with pain beginning at zero and going down into the negatives, a back-scratch falling at 5, and an orgasm without a condom being a 10, where would sex with a condom fall? Like a 7 or 8?
So it’s not like sex with a condom is not pleasurable, it’s just not as pleasurable. An 8 instead of a 10. Let me emphasize that again: Men regularly choose to put women at massive risk by having non-condom sex, in order to experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure.
Now keep in mind, for the truly condom-averse, men also have a non-condom, always-ready birth control built right in, called the pull out. It’s not perfect, and it’s a favorite joke, but according to experts, when done correctly, it is also 96% effective.
So surely, we can expect men who aren’t wearing a condom to at least learn to pull out correctly and pull out every time they have sex, right?
Nope.
And why not?
Well, again, apparently it’s slightly more pleasurable to climax inside a vagina than, say, on their partner’s stomach. So men are willing to risk the life, health and well-being of women, in order to experience a tiny bit more pleasure for like 5 seconds during orgasm.
It’s mind-boggling and disturbing when you realize that’s the choice men are making. And honestly, I’m not as mad as I should be about this, because we’ve trained men from birth that their pleasure is of utmost importance in the world. (We’ve also trained them to dis-associate sex and pregnancy.)
While we’re here, let’s talk a bit more about pleasure and biology. Did you know that (with few exceptions) a man can’t get a woman pregnant without having an orgasm? Which means that we can conclude getting a woman pregnant is a pleasurable act for men.
But did you further know that men can get a woman pregnant without her feeling any pleasure at all? In fact, it’s totally possible for a man to impregnate a woman even while causing her excruciating pain, trauma or horror.
In contrast, a woman can have non-stop orgasms with or without a partner and never once get herself pregnant. A woman’s orgasm has literally nothing to do with pregnancy or fertility — her clitoris exists not for creating new babies, but simply for pleasure.
No matter how many orgasms she has, they won’t make her pregnant. Rule of thumb: Pregnancies can only happen when men have an orgasm. Unwanted pregnancies can only happen when men orgasm irresponsibly.
What this means is a women can be the sluttliest slut in the entire world who loves having orgasms all day long and all night long and she will never find herself with an unwanted pregnancy unless a man shows up and ejaculates irresponsibly.
Women enjoying sex does not equal unwanted pregnancy and abortion. Men enjoying sex and having irresponsible ejaculations is what causes unwanted pregnancies and abortion.
Let’s talk more about responsibility. Men often don’t know, and don’t ask, and don’t think to ask, if they’ve caused a pregnancy. They may never think of it, or associate sex with making babies at all. Why? Because there are 0 consequences for men who cause unwanted pregnancies.
If the woman decides to have an abortion, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation.
If the woman decides to have the baby, or put the baby up for adoption, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation, or that there’s now a child walking around with 50% of his DNA.
If the woman does tell him that he caused an unwanted pregnancy and that she’s having the baby, the closest thing to a consequence for him, is that he may need to pay child support. But our current child support system is well-known to be a joke.
Only 61% of men (or women) who are legally required to pay it, do. With little or no repercussions. In lots of states, their credit isn’t even affected. So, many men keep going as is, causing unwanted pregnancies with irresponsible ejaculations and never giving it thought.
When the topic of abortion comes up, men might think: Abortion is horrible; women should not have abortions. And never once consider the man who caused the unwanted pregnancy.
If you’re not holding men responsible for unwanted pregnancies, then you are wasting your time.
Stop protesting at clinics. Stop shaming women. Stop trying to overturn abortion laws. If you actually care about reducing or eliminating the number of abortions in our country, simply HOLD MEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.
What would that look like? What if there was a real and immediate consequence for men who cause an unwanted pregnancy? What kind of consequence would make sense? Should it be as harsh, painful, nauseating, scarring, expensive, risky, and life-altering…
… as forcing a woman to go through a 9-month unwanted pregnancy?
In my experience, men really like their testicles. If irresponsible ejaculations were putting their balls at risk, they would stop being irresponsible. Does castration seem like a cruel and unusual punishment? Definitely.
But is it worse than forcing 500,000 women a year to puke daily for months, gain 40 pounds, and then rip their bodies apart in childbirth? Is a handful of castrations worse than women dying during forced pregnancy and childbirth?
Put a castration law on the books, implement the law, let the media tell the story, and in 3 months or less, tada! abortions will have virtually disappeared. Can you picture it? No more abortions in less than 3 months, without ever trying to outlaw them. Amazing.
For those of you who consider abortion to be murder, wouldn’t you be on board with having a handful of men castrated, if it prevented 500,000 murders each year?
And if not, is that because you actually care more about policing women’s bodies, morality, and sexuality, than you do about reducing or eliminating abortions? (That’s a rhetorical question.)
Hey, you can even have the men who will be castrated bank their sperm before it happens — just in case they want to responsibly have kids some day.
Can’t wrap your head around a physical punishment for men? Even though you seem to be more than fine with physical punishments for women? Okay. Then how about this prevention idea: At the onset of puberty, all males in the U.S. could be required by law to get a vasectomy.
Vasectomies are very safe, highly reversible, and about as invasive as a doctor’s exam for a woman getting a birth control prescription. There is some soreness afterwards for about 24 hours, but that’s pretty much it for side effects.
(So much better than The Pill, which is taken by millions of women in our country, the side effects of which are well known and can be brutal.)
If/when the male becomes a responsible adult, and perhaps finds a mate, if they want to have a baby, the vasectomy can be reversed, and then redone once the childbearing stage is over. And each male can bank their sperm before the vasectomy, just in case.
It’s not that wild of an idea. 80% of males in the U.S. are circumcised, most as babies. And that’s not reversible.
Don’t like my ideas? That’s fine. I’m sure there are better ones. Go ahead and suggest your own ideas. My point is that it’s nonsense to focus on women if you’re trying to get rid of abortions. Abortion is the “cure” for an unwanted pregnancy.
If you want to stop abortions, you need to prevent the “disease” – meaning, unwanted pregnancies. And the only way to do that, is by focusing on men, because: MEN CAUSE 100% OF UNWANTED PREGNANCIES. Or. IRRESPONSIBLE EJACULATIONS BY MEN CAUSE 100% OF UNWANTED PREGNANCIES.
If you’re a man, what would the consequence need to be for you to never again ejaculate irresponsibly? Would it be money related? Maybe a loss of rights or freedoms? Physical pain?
Ask yourselves: What would it take for you to value the life of your sexual partner more than your own temporary pleasure or convenience?
Are you someone who learns better with analogies? Let’s try this one: Think of another great pleasure in life, let’s say food. Think of your favorite meal, dessert, or drink.
What if you found out that every time you indulge in that favorite food you risked causing great physical and mental pain for someone you know intimately. You might not cause any pain, but it’s a real risk.
Well, you’d probably be sad, but never indulge in that food again, right? Not worth the risk!
And then, what if you further found out, there was a simple thing you could do before you ate that favorite food, and it would eliminate the risk of causing pain to someone else. Which is great news!
But the simple thing you need to do makes the experience of eating the food slightly less pleasurable. To be clear, it would still be very pleasurable, but slightly less so. Like maybe you have to eat the food with a fork or spoon that you don’t particularly like.
Would you be willing to do that simple thing, and eliminate the risk of causing pain to someone you know intimately, every single time you ate your favorite food?
OF COURSE YOU WOULD.
Condoms (or even pulling out) is that simple thing. Don’t put women at risk. Don’t choose to maximize your own pleasure if it risks causing women pain.
Men mostly run our government. Men mostly make the laws. And men could eliminate abortions in three months or less without ever touching an abortion law or evening mentioning women.
In summary: STOP TRYING TO CONTROL WOMEN’S BODIES AND SEXUALITY. UNWANTED PREGNANCIES ARE CAUSED BY MEN.
The end.
——
Well. There it is. My first Twitter thread. I actually had this written for several months before I published it, and was hesitant to share it. Not sure why. But hearing so many men talking about women’s reproductive rights (related to the Kavanaugh hearings), brought me to hit publish. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. What could we do as a society to have men shoulder the burden of preventing unwanted pregnancies?
Way to be brave, Gabrielle! And yes, the way to reduce abortions is to reduce unwanted pregnancies- through the ways you mentioned and also improving access to comprehensive education and long term birth control.
Yes please to both!
I just sent this to my husband about this important conversation for our son when he is ready. He is only 3, so we have some time. 🤣 I have always hated how abortion is coined a “women’s rights” or a “women’s reproductive issue.” Where are the men in this?! I hope this one post causes a national conversation! Brilliant, brave, and everything!
I’ve had many of the same feelings for years, and you articulated them so well! I used many of these arguments in convincing my husband to get a vasectomy a few months ago.
Clear, articulate and spot-on. Thank you, Gabby!
wow, it’s almost like Sex Education in America is severely lacking (by design, no doubt) or something.
I wish there were some technology that would allow me to send this post back to teenage or even college me. It would have been most beneficial. I will definitely have my kids (boy and girl) read this once they are old enough for The Talk.
Hurray…. this is the best…
Now, for an unpopular perspective: raise your hand if you have abortion regret? I now believe I killed my child by having an abortion at 19. I Wish I had put my selfishness aside then, because that’s what it was.As you said a long time ago when you moved into a neighborhood with a Great Schools rating of 2 , that there are “always other alternatives for a child’s education”, there are always alternative options for a child and mother who place the value of the baby’s life above their inconvenience or cost to society or whatever. In a perfect world
Men will take responsibility I and hope they do! But why does a beating heart not hold
more weight than everything else discussed here?Let’s hold men accountable but let’s also give babies rights at the same time when men mess up because they will continue to do so.
NO ONE should be put in the position of having abortion regret. All women should have free and easy access to sex education and free and easy access to birth control. And boys should be taught that girls’ and women’s rights are equal to theirs. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I understand your perspective and I’m sorry for your pain and regret. I also had an abortion when I was young. I was also 19 and married to a boy who was incapable of being a responsible parent (over the years I have seen how correct I was in that assessment) and we already had a daughter (1.5 at the time). He knew our relationship was nearing the end and put holes in the condoms in an attempt to get me pregnant thinking I wouldn’t leave if I were. The laws at the time wouldn’t have allowed me to place the child up for adoption w/o his consent, which he of course refused to give, and my first pregnancy was fraught with complications (she was born a month early, after a VERY difficult pregnancy). Realizing that I was stuck in an impossible situation facing the looming reality of even worse poverty I made the choice to abort. I did what I thought was best for me and my living daughter at the time, I still think it was the right decision. I do not regret having the abortion, I regret that I had to make the decision at all. I’m not advocating everyone get an abortion but please know that not all situations are like yours and as women we have the ability to reason through our circumstances and should have the autonomy over our bodies to make the choices we determine necessary.
This post is wild and epic and I’m so impressed and, just, wow!
This is amazing. I’m shocked to see someone of your faith right this and I applaud you…if only more ppl were this logical!
I’m genuinely curious as to why you opened your article with “I’m the mother of six and a Mormon.” What does being a Mormon have to do with this? Do you see it as some kind of credential for this discussion? I understand most people think that Mormons are against abortion and that you identifying as a Mormon makes you stand out against the crowd, but it honestly has nothing to do with this discussion and I’m curious as to why you included that.
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Thank you for your unique and insightful perspective. I had never thought of it this way and you are exactly right!
Thank you Thank You Thank You
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Thank you!! Amazing read. I can’t believe I never thought of this before. We women have been BRAIN WASHED.
Absolutely loved reading your post and argument. So, so true!! I would argue though that pregnancies can happen even without full ejaculation. Pre-ejaculate fluid contains sperm and cause pregnancy, therefore making pulling out not at time of climax not very helpful. Reproductive rights absolutely need to focus on the cause, and not the effect.
Right on! Write on!
Thank you for your very interesting article, I can see that a lot of thought and passion has gone into writing it.. however I have a few points I need to make.
First and foremost I am completely pro-choice, I don’t believe in having an unwanted baby because that could result in a whole host of other problems for the poor child e.g. neglect, abuse and ending up in social care because parents are too young or just simply resent them.
In any case, I prefer to empower women and focus on educating them so that they can prevent unwanted pregnancies… you don’t need to take birth control to do this, there are so many ways now to monitor yoir cycle so that you know WHEN u can get pregnant.. So u avoid it. Simply teaching young girls about their bodies and what the menstrual cycle actually IS will be one of the most valuable lessons of their lives…
Also teaching girls to just say ‘no’ is extremely valuable.. So they say ‘no’ during peak fertility times or they put their foot down and insist on the man wearing a condom.. young girls should be taught to be strong and confident.. not weak and submissive and just giving in to a man who says ‘but I hate condoms’.
I don’t agree with blaming men for abortions. Mistakes happen on both sides of the equation. Lust and excitement can take over and misinformation like the ‘pull-out’ method that you suggest which I can assure you is frowned upon by ALL medical professionals because pre-cum DOES contain sperm and sperm can travel through the vagina and the cervix even if it hasn’t been thrusted in by ejaculation.
Anyway, I understand parts of where you’re coming from.. that it is unfair that women are shamed for abortions and men in politics try and control what we do with our bodies.. and that yes, it IS the girl that is looked down upon in these situations. We need to change how people think.
As I said.. empowering young women through education so that they can take control of their lives.
So much of the pushback here and on Twitter seems to be, “wait now, *women* are responsible for expecting, demanding, insisting, and ensuring the man wears a condom” as if that statement isn’t completely proving your point. (Men are just as capable of expecting, demanding, insisting and ensuring they take measures to prevent pregnancy.)
And dudes? I also want to mention that having a partner with a vasectomy can be a game-changer. I started on the pill the second I became sexually active, and assumed I had a barely average sex drive for the better part of a decade: surprise, one of the potential side effects of the pill is a decreased libido. Now, though? I am so thankful for that simple little outpatient procedure every. single. day. (Yup)
Reading all of this, some points hit really close to home.
But I must say, every bit of what you wrote is spot on.
This point need to reach a wider audience to help change the “pro-life” narrative and reveal it as the pro-patriarchy movement that it really is.
Yes, yes, Y e s s s s ! I’d love for you to read this to Congress.
Except for the fact that pre-ejaculate can still cause pregnancy, and consequently withdrawal isn’t quite that effective and vasectomies aren’t 100% reversible (still not a reason to shun them though), this is SPOT ON!
I really wish people would be up in arms in this country that no one is pushing for vasalgel.
https://www.parsemus.org/projects/vasalgel/
I haven’t read all the comments, so forgive me if this has been touched already. As a whole, I greatly appreciate your perspective on abortion and in calling out that the responsiblity is not solely on the woman. I am the product of an unplanned pregnancy and an abortion survivor. The topic is very sensitive to me, but I am whole heartily open to your views. One thing, however, that I don’t think was addressed, was the scenario when the man wanted the child, but the woman did not. While teaching high school, I ran into one such scenario with one of my male students who wanted to raise his child, but his girlfriend was counseled to have an abortion. He was heartbroken. I know those scenarios aren’t frequent, but still something to consider.
Gabby, Thank you for Daring Greatly in this very thought provoking post . May the conversation continue!
How is it possible that this is the first time someone is saying this, like this? You are brilliant. Truly. So appreciate your clarity and perspective. Can you public speak this? Would you ted talk? This needs to be in every heart and mind across the world. (there’s also population, a whole other topic, but related). Anyway, as is, AMAZING. I’m grateful for your Mormon mom of 5 kids, who will still say jizz, perspective. We need this so much.
yes to all, you are amazing, thank you!!!
Unwanted pregnancies are 100% caused by Men? No. Can we please give some credit to a Woman’s role in the baby making process? This article leans a bit toward the idea that all women have sex against their will. A man can release sperm all day long but a child will not be created unless that sperm connects with an egg produced by a Woman. It does in fact take two.
You do make two good points in your article, men do need to be more responsible and women have borne the full weight of birth control far too long. I strongly agree there is a need for increased sexual education in families so that their boys and girls are made fully aware of their responsibility. Mandated vascectomies? I would not want that any more than I would want mandated tubal ligation procedures for women.
But I agree that men who are not ready to be fathers should consider this option more. Women shouldn’t be the only partners bearing all of the burden for birth control.
This notion that women are not partially responsible for unwanted pregnancies is sad to me. How can we began to prevent abortion and unwanted children if both parties aren’t willing to accept the consequences of what they do. (Rape and Abuse not included- those are acts of violence and in no way is the victim responsible)
This article seems to infer that women have no agency in sexual intimacy.
It does in fact take two… a sperm and an egg. A man and a woman.
I’ve had an abortion and am no longer embarrassed by it. I never thought of sex/pregnancy this way and it’s true!! ❤️👏🏻
Gabrielle, You are my hero for this. Well done.
Wow. Thank you for this. Thank you for using your platform to promote common sense solutions to our problems. Thank you.
I love the main message of your post! I already agreed (mostly) and knew about the “failed” contraceptives for men (ughhh) but it really made me think. However, gotta say, not every woman loves condoms! I HATE the way they feel during sex. Not a problem for me now… my husband got a vasectomy after our last child was born… wahoo! It is the BEST. but…also, not all vasectomies are reversible. It’s actually a difficult procedure that isn’t always successful.
This. Is. Amazing.
Gabby, this is perfect. Well done. Thank you.
Finally..words that are the real deal. Bravo sweet Gabby!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think having these conversations is super important in trying to find solutions! I agreed with some of your points and didn’t with others – I think both men AND women are responsible for both wanted and unwanted pregnancies. I don’t think it’s beneficial to blame just the man, especially if you didn’t think it was beneficial in the past when just the woman was blamed. Men and women both need to be held responsible and accountable! I do agree that men don’t have even close to the amount of responsibility as they should – there are no consequences for them and yes, child support is a joke! But I think when it comes to preventing unwanted pregnancies that women aren’t just dead fish that have no control of their choices or situation. If the man you are choosing to have sex with refuses to wear a condom or prevent in other ways, DON’T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Just because someone “pressures” you to do something – like not make them wear a condom – it doesn’t mean you aren’t partially responsible for the outcome. I also think that if your opinion for women is that it’s “our bodies, our choice” then you have to give the same right to men, I.e no forced vasectomies or castrations. I love that we are having conversations about this though and think we need to keep trying to come up with solutions since clearly what we’re doing now isn’t working! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
This is amazing. Thank you.
I also read your advice to teen girls about sex and wish I’d had you as a mom or as a friend growing up! (I was a teen mom raised in a strict Catholic home so of course no learning your body, no safe sex, just shame and terror!)
Thank you. Glad to have found you on the internets :)
Kotti, As a fellow Christian, I support abortion in the case of: incest, rape, or if the life of the mother is at risk. It sounds like your perspective is very idyllic, but you are choosing to close your eyes to the harsh reality that some women face. I see no reason for abortion to be illegal in this these situations.
Until all three of these scenarios are no longer an issue, I will support legal abortion.
Yes. Yes. Yes! Thank you.
YESSSS!!!!!!
I have never come across this blog but found it through MommyShorts sharing your twitter thread. I am an ordained Priest in the Anglican church and I never thought I would SCHOOLED by a LDS woman! Thank you so much for opening my mind and showing me there is still much to learn, both about my own prejudices and about abortion and birth control. A humbling experience!
This is actually a close to perfect essay. The simple things men could do but don’t could prevent every unwanted pregnancy and abortion and unwanted birth. Women have been victimized for countless millennia by being burdened with most of the responsibility and consequences of the sex act. Not only are women culturally and psychologically encouraged to please men, there is always the underlying knowledge that most men are physically stronger than they are. Women have always been afraid of the immediate consequences of not allowing men, as far as they are able to not allow it, to behave irresponsibly. This is not about mutual consent that can never truly be 100% on both sides. This is about half the human race taking responsibility for their actions that can have very dire consequences. Some men do and that is appreciated by the women they respect. Many men, however, never give responsibility a first let alone second thought. And the laws of the land that are written by them reflect this reality.
I’ve long since argued, and I’m British btw, that all men should be taught in sex ed that they are the one and only thing that can accidentally get a woman pregnant. That if they DO decide to make a woman pregnant, (by jizzing irresponsibly) then they are fully responsible for their actions.
Financially they would be responsible, they should compensation to the woman to support her through the next stage, be that abortion and counselling for the trauma that can bring or through full term pregnancy and the loss of income for woman from needing to suspend working. If he can’t or won’t pay then it should then be custodial sentence or chemical castration of some sort.
I also appreciate that this is flawed due to social classes and structure not all being so clean and simple.
There’s a new law being discussed in the uk about people spitting at emergency services personnel. It is a risk of disease and can cause some who has be spat at to contract hepatitis or possibly HIV. They have to undergo testing and sickness inducing emergency drugs to combat the risk.
The person who spits is now facing a much higher punishment, classed as ABH or GBH. If someone who jizzed irresponsibly was given a criminal record for ABH, this could be a deterrent, maybe.
This is your best post yet. Thank you for having the courage to publish. One of the many things I have learned working in reproductive health is that the abortion debate has nothing to do with abortion itself. Thank you for highlighting some of these complexities in a creative and logical way!
Thank you so much for this eloquently and articulately written treatise on reproductive responsibility, women’s rights, birth control and abortion. Your perspective broadened mine; while I have always been “pro-choice” (not “pro-abortion”…it shouldn’t be used indiscriminately as a form of birth control), you have helped inform and shape my outlook on the issue, and brought up several points that I hadn’t before considered.
It seems an easy thing for men to do, decide for women what we should and shouldn’t do with our bodies, while abdicating their own responsibility. By writing this, and writing it so well, you are helping us to grow as human beings (at least we who absorb and introspect on what you have written; those railing against it, I think, don’t fully understand your intent). Thank you so much for this valuable essay, and well done on your first Twitter post! I look forward to reading further posts of yours.
YES! So important. Especially from your perspective. Thank you.
I’ve been married for 31 years and have four wonderful children. I whole heartedly agree that men’s pleasure drive major decidsions, not only on this issue but others. And when we do have children and want to work to support our families, there are obstacles there too. And yet we struggle on. I’m grateful for the women in my life. I love my husband, but something happened to him I would not marry again. I have the luxury or saying that because I have children and survived child birth. I feel grief over what young ladies sometimes face.
Couple of factual errors you might want to correct: Even a drop of semen can hold millions of sperm. Many if not most men leak some semen with arousal and before ejaculating. That means that it is quite possible for a man to get a woman pregnant without ejaculating; pulling out is a terrible mode of contraception as it is not contraception at all, and should not be offered to men as a viable option to condoms.
I think this is really well-written and well-stated. It is a logical and beautiful argument. It is always a sad reality, however, that some women read an article like this and allow their own discomfort to translate as disagreement or objection. I believe the argument is fair and reasonable and any type of disagreement with it is just a hidden form ir sexism. We have to combat the thought that asking for gender equity is bad. We have to sociaize ourselves, but most importantly, our children, to be comfortable with equity.
Thanks for sharing this, and communicating it so well 😍
There are some ways to moderate the abortion “problem.” All teenagers should have free and easy access to sex education that includes birth control information. All girls and women should have free and easy access to birth control. Teachers in schools should call on girls just as frequently as they call on boys, and boys should be corrected if they interrupt. When boys start showing respect for girls in their classes, then, as men, they will show more respect for women. Women have been taught since childhood to accede to boys, and boys/men use that to convince girls/women to have sex with them, even if the female is ambivalent. Notice how many times in publicly accessible or televised meetings men interrupt women speakers, and how few times the women interrupt male speakers.
THANK YOU for this thread/post!!! SO, so many “amens” from me!!!
I’ll add this to the discussion:
–Those irresponsible ejaculations causing pregnancy should be penalized, instead of their victims and their respective wombs
–You suggest great preventatives here (vasectomy, condom, pull-out, etc), and abortion is one cure. I’ll add: for women not opting for abortion, can we also propose a *penalty* against the irresponsible ejaculators as restitution for the women’s pain and suffering?
–I am thinking: lifelong wage garnishment, debtor’s prison, etc
–Granted, most such irresponsible ejaculators are poor minorities, so we society has a responsibility here (statistics to this effect: https://www.vox.com/cards/abortion-policy-in-america/who-gets-abortions)
–When I lived in the south, our communities had very clever ways of making sure that poor minorities swabbed floors and stocked shelves while whites all got the “good” jobs; unemployment among blacks was insanely high compared to that of whites, even in majority black counties (going back to plantation days due to master-to-slave ratios), so we have centuries of history to overcome in making things fair for certain populations again. In other words: society owes it to some populations to provide restitution for the victims of irresponsible ejaculators.
–And we also have centuries of injustice to women that we must make right as well . . . starting with imposing penalties on irresponsible ejaculators AND all taxpaying men whenever society must help care for women, birth control, abortion-cures, or any offspring resulting from irresponsible ejaculations (in the event that any victims of irresponsible ejaculators decide not to choose abortion as their cure–if society actually punished irresponsible ejaculators properly by offering adequate restitution like lifelong care for mother and child, more victims of irresponsible ejaculations might choose birth instead of abortion cures).
–But never should the woman have to pay the price of the irresponsible ejaculations (either emotional or monetary) the way they do right now, since it was the man who caused the pregnancy, not the woman. Leaving the woman to foot the bill for a man’s irresponsible, self-serving behavior is morally wrong, corrupt, and evil.
–And whenever a woman does end up paying the price physically (needing to cure a pregnancy via abortion or carrying to term without any fiduciary penalty to the irresponsible ejaculator nor the society responsible for his poverty) or monetarily (paying for an abortion-cure, needing therapy because a man abandoned her after an irresponsible ejaculation, having to raise a child alone, etc), there should be a hefty penalty to the irresponsible ejaculator (or to society at large, if they oppressed him, thereby ensuring that the ejaculator can’t provide restitution to her) to cover all expenses for the female victim’s resulting pain and suffering.
–Whether the victim of an irresponsible ejaculator chooses abortion as a cure for pregnancy or to carry to term, either option should ideally result in long-term consequences for the irresponsible ejaculator (or the society that sponsored his irresponsible behavior/impoverished him) and our society should legislate restitution for all victims of these irresponsible ejaculations.
Brilliant. Brutally honest and on point!