The Consequences of Your Actions

Hey there. I wrote a Twitter thread about the consequences of supporting Trump. I’m sharing it here because I know many of you don’t use Twitter.

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The other day I saw a tweet where a person described that when they find out someone they know personally supports Trump, they lose all respect for them instantly. I liked the tweet and retweeted it, but stopped short of sharing it on Instagram. 

Why? 

I suppose it’s because, like the author of the tweet, I also know Trump supporters in real life. They already know I think Trump is gross, and they know that I frequently criticize Trump supporters as a group. But I’ve hesitated to tell them directly that I’ve lost respect for them individually.

But I woke up this morning, read reports of the final night of the Republican National Convention — an event where hundreds of federal employees broke many laws — grew deeply angry, and now my hesitation is gone.

My instagram content is different than my Twitter content. On Twitter, I mostly retweet people. On Instagram, I share more personal stuff — like renovations, vacations, and updates about my family. I also highlight tweets and political opinions on Instagram, but it’s maybe 20% of my content there.

A frequent DM (direct message) I receive on Instagram is some version of this: “I come here for design and to see your life in France. Stop posting political stuff.” 

These DMs are, without exception, from Trump supporters, or people who claim to be independent, but will definitely vote for Trump and are ashamed to admit it.

My response: I do not create content for you. 

It makes me sick to my stomach that you, a Trump supporter, ever read or watch or listen to anything I’ve created. This is true even if I know you in real life.

I see what you are trying to do. You want me to treat you like a decent human being. But you are not behaving like a decent human being. 

A decent person doesn’t align themself with people who are proudly racist and who insist America doesn’t have a racism problem. 

A decent person doesn’t align themself with people who believe viral right-wing stories on Facebook over trained journalists, who think Q is real, who think the pandemic is fake, who think the earth is flat.

A decent person doesn’t align themself with people who weep and faint over celebrity-child-trafficking-rings that don’t exist, but support the ICE family separations at the border that actually lead to child trafficking.

A decent person knows what it feels like to do a job and not get paid, and recognizes that Trump is first and foremost a con-man, liar, and thief.

A decent person knows and acknowledges that Trump only looks out for himself.

A decent person knows Trump raped a 13-year-old, has read her description of the rape, has read all the other accounts of Trump sexually assaulting girls and women, and never forgets Trump is a rapist who has never had to face consequences for his assaults.

I see you. Especially my fellow white women. You want to read what interesting people are reading, you want to see good movies, you want to know what the designers and artists are creating. 

But you don’t want anyone to know you are voting for Trump. 

You don’t like when people you follow talk politics. You say it’s because you want to “focus on the positive.” But really, it’s because it reminds you of your Trump shame. 

You want to vote for Trump and experience no negative consequences. 

But that’s not an option.

One of the consequences of your actions? I do not respect you. 

How could I? 

How could I respect someone who hears about a Black man being shot by police 7 times in his back, while his kids watch, and their first thought is: “Well, we don’t know the whole story.”

Another consequence of your actions? I have a deep desire to withhold my community and my creations from you. 

Instagram has data that could tell me exactly which of you support Trump. I wish they would give me that data. I would block every single one of you.

My Instagram followers request access to my life daily. You’re voting for Trump and you want to know the source for my daughter’s dress? My answer is: No. You want to know the paint color we chose for the attic renovation? No. You want to participate in a parenting discussion on Design Mom? No.

I want to shun you from my community. 

If gatherings were safely happening, I want you to be shunned from all events hosted by decent people. No wedding invitations. No conference tickets. No backyard barbecues. 

I want decent event hosts to send you a card, explaining you are not invited because you are a Trump supporter.

I wish stores like Ikea and Target wouldn’t let you buy their products.

I wish your internet provider (who for sure knows you’ll be voting for Trump), would cut you off as a customer.

I want to see you shunned by every person and organization that doesn’t support Trump. No more access to their books, movies, products, music, events, artists & influencers — till you are left with nothing but Smashmouth concerts, and Ben Shapiro talking about his sex life.

Some of you will tell me you have no choice; that you’re a single issue voter and that your single issue is abortion, so you can only vote for an anti-abortion candidate. 

And I will respond: The Republicans are making a fool of you.

We all know Republicans talk big about being anti-abortion but their policies don’t reduce abortions. Republican policies increase things like teen pregnancy, which also increases abortions. 

The fact is: abortion numbers go down under the policies of Democrats

If you want to reduce abortion, the most effective, proven way to do so is to vote for Democrats. If the most important issue to you is reducing abortions, then the only choice you have is voting for Democrats up and down the ballot.

Some of you will tell me you support Trump because of the stock market. 

Well, that is certainly something a selfish a**hole would do. 

A whopping 90% of Americans have no stake in the stock market. I’m one of them. 

If you like the current trajectory of our economy; if you want existing and newly created wealth to continue to be concentrated in the top 10%; if you don’t think employers should have to provide a living wage; if you somehow think hoarding a billion dollars is ethical; if you don’t want to tax the rich; then I don’t make content for you

I create content and community for decent people. Do we agree on everything? No. We may debate the best way to educate kids. Or disagree on baby names, favorite books, or suburban vs. urban vs, country living. But I will not make space for you to debate the merits of white supremacy.

You want respect, but your behavior and beliefs are not worthy of respect. 

You don’t want to be shamed or mocked for supporting Trump, but you align yourself with people who want to “make liberal snowflakes cry” and who mock anyone who wears a pandemic mask.

Do you think I care about losing you as a follower? I do not. Not one bit. I will actively block you on Instagram if I know you’re a Trump supporter. You unfollowing me doesn’t hurt me in any way. I literally — in the true sense of the word — won’t notice you are gone.

You can’t support Trump and also be a decent human being. You can’t support Trump and earn my respect.

Want to be a decent person? Don’t want to worry about being shunned? You’re in luck! The solution is easy and free: 

Stop being a Trump supporter. Don’t vote for Trump.


That’s it. That’s the thread. How about you? Can you relate? Or do find that you are still able to respect the Trump supporters you know?

525 thoughts on “The Consequences of Your Actions”

  1. Yes! Actions have consequences. Thanks for walking the walk. Democracy is at stake. We cannot stand by and watch this happen.

  2. Thank you for sharing your powerful words. For me, this piece is tied for #1 with your Irresponsible Ejaculation post. You have such a gift for expressing your thoughts, and for naming a problem for what it is. I’m an infrequent commenter, but a big, big fan. Thanks again!

  3. I think of Trump supporters as members of a dangerous cult. I pity the majority of them. I give mental middle fingers to the loudest of them (and I would not hesitate to block them on Instagram). But my parents are members of this Trump-supporting cult (or Republican-voting cult, for them), and I love them, and they are worth saving. I continue to argue with my Mom and give her articles and books to read. Every anti-Democrat argument from my Dad is answered with a pithy, historically accurate response from me. I think it’s easier to write off all Trump supporters when they aren’t close family members who are otherwise decent people. And YES, my parents are decent people. They’ve just been listening to poisonous propaganda from Fox News for four plus years.

    1. Me too Anne. The propaganda is strong. I feel like my parents are brainwashed. It’s a constant loving fight to get them back. To unblind them.

  4. Thank you so much for this. Here in smoky California today, feeling just so tired and hopeless, I needed this badly. ❤️

    1. Oh Amy, #SameSame. This was a balm wasn’t it?

      Thank you Gabby!! And bless you for having the courage of your convictions. It is inspiring.

    2. Yes a Bay Area person here – another thing that drives me crazy is the electoral college. My vote in California is worth 3.6 less than a Wyoming vote. I’m so tired of being in a blue state that is financially carrying a lot of red states, being ridiculed by leaders of those red states (I’m looking at you Kentucky senator) and federal government (I.e., the wildfires are California’s fault for not taking enough leaves), and the greatest of all, being subject to governance by minority rule by an administration that lost the popular election by millions of votes and now we are being dragged along with them into this bottom swamp.

  5. I am not a Trump supporter by any length of the imagination, but I will not shun others for their views, even if I feel they are wrong. I would not want to be shunned by anyone and I have been taught to be kind to others. Families should be strengthened and politics must not be allowed to tear them apart. There is only one way to get Trump out and that is to vote him out. I truly hope that happens by everyone taking responsibility to vote for the person who they believe in.

    1. But we are shunned by Trump supporters. We are shunned by our own president. People of color, are not only shunned, but brutalized. You have to think about that too. Are you honest with Trump supporters about the way you think? Are you afraid to shun them or are you afraid to be shunned?

      1. With all due respect, there are a lot of people who are being harmed far worse than social shunning. There are people who have died as a direct result of Trump’s failures as a leader, who have been victims of shootings in synagogues, or exposed to Covid because Trump didn’t take the threat seriously, or because they were not given proper medical care at the border. I think the very least Trump voters can do is sit in their discomfort and have the opportunity to feel shame. Otherwise we are condoning their behavior implicitly and letting them continue to terrorize the most marginalized and vulnerable among us. Telling Trump voters that their votes harm us and others is literally the least we can do. What they choose to do with that information is their choice. Some of them will dig in their heels, but some of them will only understand the extent of suffering caused by this administration if it personally affects their social standing. I care far more about showing my friends who are most hurt by this administration that I support them and will stand by them than appeasing family members I didn’t choose who are lost in their racism and selfishness.

      2. Being shunned by Trump supporters and even Trump himself makes me even more positive that I would never treat anyone else like that. I am not afraid, I just do not believe that shunning ever will give positive results, to groups or individuals. Gabby, of course, has the right to share her blog with whom she chooses to share the content, but I, for one (and I am clearly in the minority here!) will not treat others that way because of their political beliefs.

        1. The oppressed do not owe their oppressors politeness. If you’re not being oppressed, then you do you. Those of us who are genuinely at risk because of this administration and the people who voted for it aren’t required to be nice to or think well of people who don’t think twice about how cruel and dangerous they are to us. Whose comfort are you prioritizing? The most vulnerable deserve our shield from bigots, not the other way around. The bigots deserve to know that their actions harm others, and their social choices will be limited as a result if they do not modify their behavior.

    2. JP maybe it helps to think about shunning people over human rights vs politics – because that’s in essence what Gabby is saying. This stopped being about politics when the first child was ripped from her parent’s arms at the border, the list goes on – we all know it by heart. It’s not about politics at all – it’s about something far more worth fighting for. Gabby, keep it coming, you make us stronger.

    1. So you’re saying that you don’t believe in having boundaries in relationships or that there are consequences for one’s actions? Because that’s what the “shunning” is. Seems very healthy and long overdue to me.

      1. what?? i was commending Gabi’s post. i’ve been a looong time reader. and don’t use my voice even a fraction of what she does. i love that all these years i’ved loved her style, but recently can say i feel proud to be a fan of someone who has similar moral & political standings. ( i think prolly your reply wasn’t intended to be posted elsewhere in the thread, but idk).
        shunning, btw is a powerfully independent stance for freeing yourself from the guilt of others’ mindsets.

  6. I absolutely agree with every criticism here of Trump. No doubt. I vote Democrat almost always, except a few local elections where I knew the platforms of the candidates well and had done research, which is very different than a national election. I have a child with a significant disability, and Trump’s treatment of people with disabilities is inexcusable. I also have three daughters and hate his treatment of women. Never, ever would I vote for him.

    But.

    Just as it makes me crazy for people, particularly Christians, to choose a candidate on a single platform (abortion or Supreme Court), are we doing something similar by cutting out people for it? I open it to conversation-it’s something I’m struggling with. In love, though, do I cut off my 80 year old grandmother who is a staunch supporter? Is that worth not having the love of family at the end of her life? Absolutely, my children are not allowed to hear that nonsense. But just because I know based on her facebook posts…is that what we do? Do I cut out my children’s grandparents because they are single issue voters, because they believe abortion is the ultimate terrible thing and they’re doing the loving thing by “saving the babies”, because that’s what they’ve been taught from their pulpits?

    I’m beyond thinking this is a “respecting other people’s opinions” issue. I don’t respect the opinion. But is the next move denying people who also love our children, who care about them, who are willing to keep their opinions to themselves, who are honestly seeking what their hearts see as true because they can’t see past abortion?

    I’m sincerely asking. Is that what we’re saying?

    1. I have the same exact same question. It’s really hard. For now, I just have to do a debrief with the kids if anything ethical (can we even say political at this point) comes up. In a way, I think it shows my kids how hard this is, and that’s good, but it’s also exhausting.

      What happened to the Republican Party? I just don’t even understand.

    2. I agree Ashley. I live in “the reddest county in Texas” (we had the most Trump voters per capita in the 2016 election) and taking this stand would mean cutting off most of my neighbors, my children’s teachers, the people I go to church with, the kids’ friends’ parents. It’s just not realistic for me.
      That said, we have endless opportunities for discussion about how to maintain your own standards of decency, how to stand up for the marginalized and the bullied, how to respond to the taunts and the ridicule when you share an unpopular opinion at school.
      So I will continue to be open and vocal about what I stand for, and I will also maintain relationships with Trump supporters. I am showing them what it means to be a decent person and while I haven’t changed anyone’s mind, I have had people express to me that they admire me in spite of my support for Democrats. And that’s worth it to me.

      1. Heather, I’m genuinely curious, not being snarky. How do you feel about a trump supporter being your child’s teacher? I can’t even begin to fathom what this person’s world view is. I’m a teacher myself, and my liberal bias influences what I teach and how I teach. I’m sure it’s the same with your kid’s teachers, subliminally. I would ask for a different teacher.
        As I said, I’m a teacher and as such, I play a pivotal role in teaching the children how to move in society, how to treat people, how to walk in someone’s shoes, how to be objective, how to verify a fact, how to recognize bias, how to interrogate your bias, etc. These are things teachers do. How can you do these things when you are daily choosing to believe lies and claim you’re a good person? Honestly, how?

        1. I live in Kansas and most of my daughter’s teachers as a freshman in high school will be in opposition to us politically. There is no way around it unfortunately.

          1. Kiana,
            Thankfully, I’ve never had a child come home sharing something that a teacher has said that either obviously aligns with Trump or obviously criticizes his opponents. I can’t speak much to K-2nd grade since I mostly hear reports about who’s allergic to peanut butter or who got a new puppy, but my kids’ teachers from 3-7th have been really great about teaching my kids to read and think critically. And I’ve been so proud of the conclusions my children have come to.

            Unfortunately, their peers may come to different conclusions. When I hear stories about things their peers at school have said that are racist, homophobic, or demeaning, my kids have come to me saying, “How do they think that’s OK?” And then we have a discussion about how it’s not OK, how the political climate has led to that, and how their parents aren’t teaching them to have the same standards we have in our home.

            I hope we don’t ever have to deal with a teacher who is vocal or bullying with their political views, but I feel like we’ve got a good handle on how to talk about it if we ever encounter that. I think the thing that concerns me most about our public school is the lack of diversity in both the student body and the curriculum. Both get better as the kids approach high school, but we do a lot to supplement that education at home and in our extracurricular activities.

            Thanks for the question!

    3. I think boundaried relationships are acceptable. For Gabby, she is stating her boundaries and they don’t have to be yours! I love my aunts but i also have lost respect for them. I will treat them with polite human decency when I see them – but I will not allow their vitriol in my home, I will leave their home if they start a diatribe. Decide your boundaries and decide which people you believe you have the potential power and compassion to influence positively (it doesn’t have to be everybody!)

        1. I agree with this, too Eliza! Boundaries are important and I hope I expressed how we try to keep ours within the very conservative environment we’re in., and why someone might choose differently. I can completely understand why someone would make the choice Gabby has made and I can and do respect her for it.

  7. G – I was hanging on every word. I loved this post so much and needed it.

    (Repeat since I replied to Kimberly!)

  8. I rarely comment on posts but just want you to know how much I appreciate and admire you for taking a stand on your platform. Good job friend, mama, person of faith, designer, influencer, and the many identities you hold and people admire – thanks for being an inspiration during this dark season. Hopefully each of us who are inspired by your courage can use our own voices to stand up during this season.

  9. Gabby , Yes! Yes! Yes! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  10. Thank you for this. I have been following you for years and find your words inspirational. We need to get angry.

  11. Wow. Thank you! You are so brave for making a stand that so many people need to hear. I have been following you for years and have always thought that you have stated your views but also have been open to others. I agree, now is a time to recognize that this isn’t about seeing things from different perspectives when the other perspective is racist, sexist, cruel, inhumane and evil. I am a white catholic suburban mother praying to God every night that Trump will not be re-elected. I so appreciate your post. Thank you!

  12. Tears sprang to my eyes reading this. Four years of Trump’s malignant chaos has been exhausting and demoralising, and I’m a New Zealander living in Christchurch, New Zealand. We’ve just had the sentencing of the white supremacist terrorist who killed 51 people while they prayed in their mosques. This act of evil can be directly linked to Trump and his ilk emboldening racists and conspiracy theorists everywhere, stoking hatred, and praising white supremacists who intimidate others with weapons. I hope for all of us that you all will vote this sociopath out of office and can begin to put your country back together again.

  13. 10000x yes. Thank you for saying this. I have been trying SO hard to be nice to Trump supporters and why? Why am I letting them think I even remotely condone any tiny particulate of what they are doing? Because the whole “you do you” thing is why we are in this mess.

  14. I was reading this feeling more and more shocked, yet impressed, relieved, ecstatic, and then shocked more and more. Also appalled. But again, ecstatic and relieved. A big part of me felt like, this is too much, it’s too extreme….but the rest of me feels like, YES. YES, a million percent. I remember once in my college German class the professor brought in a Nazi flag handmade in 1940’s Germany, (I still can’t believe she did that), and we passed it around the room, quickly from desk to desk, and we barely touched it at all because that thing felt, and was, absolutely contaminated. That is how I feel about people supporting Trump. There are people I care very much about, and when I learned that they voted for him, there was an instant division in my soul from theirs. They still don’t know. But I will never, ever, EVER see them the same way again. In fact, I feel as if I hardly know them. And I feel as if they hardly ever know me. I grew up in a deep Evangelical background, and I miss a lot about that world, but the people, the 89% of Ev’s who voted for them? I don’t want anything to do with them. I stopped attending church because I can not sit next to them in the pews anymore. You want to think you’re so good, my fellow Evangelicals? No, you are not good. People are complex, and there can be good parts to them, but voting for Trump, supporting him so wholeheartedly makes you disgusting to me. In a way, you never knew me. And I certainly never knew you.

  15. Hi Gaby, I feel the need to comment on your post because I’ve been feeling hopeless about things that have been going on from Covid to racial unrest and divisiveness to police brutality, social injustice, the sickening imbalance of power and the many and varied lies of this administration. It is all so overwhelming and depressing. I feel crushed by it. I’ve never been a depressed person or hopeless individual. I always had great hope for our country and for the individuals that live in it. My head isn’t buried in the sand so I know that the current issues and problems are not new but the fires are being stoked and inflamed on purpose. Seeing and hearing what people say from the RNC and from so many Trump supporters makes me feel hopeless for our country. Today has probably been one of the lowest days that I’ve ever experienced and then a friend shares your article and I have hope again. Thank you for that. I agree that the relationships with Trump supporters are not healthy and not worth keeping. A line will be drawn and we have to pick a side. I hope people choose with empathy.

  16. I can’t cut people out of my life because they support Trump, even though I can’t abide him at all. While I get the sentiment (believe me, I do. He disgusts me completely.), it feels like we ought to be able to see the good intentions behind the opposing sides’ points of view in our personal relationships. If we let Trumpism divide us, that gives him more power in our lives than he deserves.

    To me that’s different from not wanting Trump supporters to consume the good things you create, though. That’s your call, and I understand completely. I think that many Trump supporters are good people blinded by the craftiness of Trump–people who don’t read good sources about him, or don’t believe them when they find them.

    1. Yes. I agree that many of Trump’s supporters have been fooled and lied to. I truly feel compassion for them.

      I don’t think allowing them normalcy, while their actions bring chaos, pain, and death on the bulk of the country is helpful. I believe that removing their normalcy (via withholding my content) is one way to help them see their actions are serious and not to be taken lightly, and that there are real and negative consequences for them personally if they support Trump.

      1. Why do these people who have been “duped” actively choose to watch Fox news? They must feel some pull to it and what it represents.

  17. Totally agree about the single issue voters. I’m Catholic, and there’s a phrase that I love from the late Cardinal Joseph Bernardin— a seamless garment of life. To really be pro-life, you have to be more than just pro-birth. Those babies have to matter to you after they’re born, too. You have to support health care for those in need, and gun control, and welcoming the immigrant, and dignity for the elderly, and equal rights for people of color, and a living wage, and climate justice because it affects the poor the most, and school lunches— oh, and you can’t really be pro-death-penalty. If you look at the balance of pro-life issues, and the whole of the pro-life issue actually matters to you, you really can’t vote for Trump.

    Moving on to people who could care less about anything but abortion as a pro-life issue, they too would be better off voting for Biden if this is their issue. There is a wonderful post by Rachel Held Evans, whose voice I am really missing in these times, about how someone pro-life like her could vote for a pro-choice candidate. I posted it on FB before the 2016 election because it really explained my position. I remember learning in the early 2000’s that repealing Roe v. Wade would reduce abortions something minimal like 10% because it would then go to the states, most of which would still permit legal abortion, and I realized what a scam both sides of the abortion debate are pulling over on the American public to get votes from single-issue voters. Most Americans wouldn’t take this legal right away from other people. Most Americans also don’t support government funded abortion or late-term abortion. The voices in this debate are the ones from the extremes, but in short, most Americans support a middle ground. And yes, as you said, Democratic policies that support contraception and support young families and low-income families and a living wage are the best ways to reduce abortions, which is why the figures from 2015 after seven years of an Obama presidency are so low.

    I could go on an equally lengthy rant about the racism, the sexism, the corruption, the undermining of our democracy…but I won’t put you through that. I’m glad you wrote this post— Trump is a terrible person, and I don’t understand how any decent person could support him.

  18. A query for my fellow “Good Christians”: What *would* Jesus do? Who would He vote for?

    Looking back on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ, I have noticed that He lifted the poor, chastised the wealthy, commanded us to love everyone, taught us not to kill, to live peaceably, to be charitable, to be kind, to forgive, to reach out with compassion to the prisoner, and the down trodden; to welcome the refugee, to love our enemy and pray for them, to not shame women, to share our gifts with others freely, to mind our own business rather than pointing out someone else’s fault, to render unto Caesar what was his due, to sacrifice willingly, to be benevolent as we serve others…among other gracious acts as we live our lives reflecting His will for all His children, none excluded.

    I have yet to see a single scripture where Christ was quoted praising wealth, consumerism, prejudice, slavery, worshiping celebrity or idols -even the t.v. kind. He never thought it a good deed to name call and or shame another. Never once did Christ applaud acts of oppression and greed. He wasn’t a huge fan of arguing or war, or any power that wasn’t from a Divine source. He never once mentioned abortion, or Gay folks, but did strongly condemn and warn those who would harm children.

    I could be wrong. I am willing to listen if anyone has more information I am missing.

    My willingness to learn, particularly from an outside source or an opposing view is probably what keeps me in the party I will be voting for come November, by absentee ballot, so that I do not risk another person’s health in any way.

    1. Such a great comment on such a great post. Feeling less lonely this morning, because of this post.
      Gabby you are so courageous and I applaud you and am so grateful for you.

      1. I have thought often along similar lines. Thank you.
        People who say they are *Christians” admire and even adore Trump, and yet he cannot even quote a single verse that he likes from scripture, he has no idea, and his behavior is so immoral and hypocritical and disgusting, but they refuse to see it or acknowledge it.
        I don’t understand that.

        1. Dear Gabby,
          Thank you for your very clear, concise, and powerful thoughts. This president is a thug, a liar, a narcissist, and a CON man. Anyone who supports him is complicit in his evil behaviour. Certain People who are supposed to have sworn allegiance to protect and defend the US Constitution and the safety and welfare of this country and its citizens are NOT doing their jobs and are purely sycophants to this Criminal.
          I have been asking every person I interact with to remember to VOTE on 11/03/2020. The very essence and existence of our country depends on it. We must CRUSH this election and send the president packing — to Florida… and hopefully the US Southern District Attorneys will finally expose him for all the crimes that he has committed. When I learn that a person supports this horrible man, I have to steady myself not to ask him/her if they believe in science, data, and facts. I am a physician and a 1st generation American. Wake up people! Please VOTE.
          Thank you, Gabby. From the bottom of my heart.

  19. I love this I love this I love this so much I want to print it on every billboard everywhere. Yes yes yes and yes!!!!!!!!!!
    Thank you for speaking THE TRUTH!

  20. So what you’re saying loud and clear, especially to your own children: shun those that don’t believe the same way you do.

    When the day may come that your child should choose a different political party (or religion, values, etc), and they shun YOU, then you may know that you taught them well.

    Looooong time reader here. This is such a shockingly disheartening article from you, Gabby.

    1. Barb, I don’t read her post as saying she shuns those that don’t believe the same. I am sure she has many loved ones and friends who she doesn’t agree with on many issues. This is not about a single issue or a couple of issues or even many issues….it is about a man who has no moral compass, who takes no responsibility for any of his actions, who lies, who makes fun of disabled people….who has divided this country. It is not about a single issue. It is about a man who has damaged our country and will continue to do so if re-elected.

    2. Barb, I feel compelled to respond to you. My mom’s name is Barbara, one of my most beloved teachers is a Barb, and Barb is also the name of a wonderful lady who used to live in my neighborhood. I’m engaging with you with hope that your comment is genuine and not like the comments and replies currently flooding my socials from people who seem incredibly determined to deliberately misread and misdirect any criticism of Trump (and anything that is Trump’s disdain du jour) and create or repeat bad-faith arguments to prop up their support of Trump and his agenda. When I read Gabrielle’s thread on Twitter today, I felt what I can only describe as genuine relief: that maybe I’m not having an overblown response to “politics as usual”, that maybe I, too, can articulate and unequivocally respond to the tired arguments that justify oppression. Relief that what I hear loud and clear in her words is a thoughtful person (and parent) establishing clear boundaries and requiring accountability. These are absolutely lessons I want my children to embrace BECAUSE I fully anticipate that they will choose differently from me. And choosing differently doesn’t require shunning. We don’t have to agree or share the same beliefs to live in peace. However, when people actively promote harm and devalue human life, and refuse to acknowledge and take responsibility for their choices to harm and devalue others, demanding accountability is the only way forward.

      1. [Edited for lies.]

        Look at what you’re teaching your children!!! I’d be embarrassed to be one of your children. I don’t know who would follow you based off your tweets from the last couple days Id be embarrassed to be your friend Or relative. I didn’t support Obama’s policies but I never spoke out against him the way you speak out about Trump. It’s called respect obviously you didn’t learn it as a child or you were never spanked. That’s what’s wrong with our country kids are so entitled and think they’re privileged and they can do whatever they want because there was no discipline. Reading your blog I actually feel sorry for you and your family and I’ll pray for you that God brings you some sanity!

        1. Yep, you totally missed the point of Gabby’s post, and yet you also prove her point perfectly! Hope the door hits your ignorant butt on the way out.

        2. It’s the =responsibility= of American citizens to speak up about the job performance of elected officials. Even when one is put into place by rigged elections and foreign manipulation, he is there to serve, not to rule and reign. The current soi-disant President has no concept of this, and no respect for American citizens either (well, for nobody-not-him, but that’s a different discussion). Respect has to be earned, not just scattered like confetti; disagreeing with Obama is worlds’-differences away from disagreeing with a criminal rapist tearing down 250 years of nation-building.

        3. Jennifer,

          Do the political figures listed below deserve your “due respect”? Which of these guys were doing politics as usual?

          Hitler?
          Pol Pot?
          Robert E. Lee?
          Stalin?
          Caligula?
          Nixon?

          Do you believe that history has ended?

          What are your standards for assessing when politicians–or anyone– have crossed the line?

          What are your moral and ethical standards? You seem to think morality is important to you, as per your post, so really think about it.

          Really think it over.

          You can give yourself permission to vote, in private, on the right side of history. Even if you’ve put up Trump paraphernalia on your lawn.

          You can also give yourself permission to take that stuff down when you realize that Trump is only fueling nihilism. You don’t even have to admit it to the world, or Gabby. Just do it.

          You have all these chances to end your Faustian bargain. Take it.

  21. Thank you Gabby for this post.

    For 10 years I have been reading your blog regularly and I don’t often post. But 2 hours ago I had a really difficult phone conversation with my dad who is a Trump supporter. After emotionally hitting a low point this week with all the toxicity that Trump and his supporters spew coupled with another shooting, I literally begged my dad today not to vote for him. His response was ‘I’ll be dead before I don’t vote for him’. The conversation brought me to tears because there was nothing I could say, that would ever change his mind. He’s living in an alternate, Fox News universe filled with bogus information. It’s really painful because I love my dad and I can’t imagine cutting him out of my life. I’m just wondering if you have any family members that support Trump and how you handle those situations?

    1. It’s SO PAINFUL. I wish I had an easy answer. My advice would be to do something to disrupt the normalcy of the relationship. Communicate that there are consequences for supporting Trump, and that you are going to withhold (some, or all, or a certain part of) your presence.

      Right now, he gets to continue his relationship with you with no changes. He feels no consequences for his actions and may not even take them seriously. Like maybe he thinks: Voting for Trump is no big deal. Who cares?

      Until his actions have consequences that affect him personally, why would he ever have to consider changing?

      You could tell him he can earn your presence back by doing things like blocking immoral news sources that promote conspiracy theories. Or by reading and discussing articles you share with him.

    2. Michelle I’m in a similar boat. My parents are rapid Fox News watchers and Trump supporters. We entirely avoid talking about politics, but my husband who is a Republican but definitely NOT a Trump supporter has been trying to debunk some of their insane ideas when he can. But I’m wondering if it’s enough just not to talk to them about it? They are talking about moving cross country to a place where they have no support system (and they’re in their mid 70s with some health issues) which is absolutely nuts and part of me would be happy to not have their toxicity around my kids! Which is horrible I know, but I’m feeling so disgusted by the fact that they could support someone so repulsive that I have lost a ton of respect for them. It’s an awful place to be in.

  22. Hi Gabby, thank you so much for sharing this take. I do have to ask though–did you share this on your Instagram to those same followers you reference up above? I don’t have an Instagram account and, therefore, don’t follow you, but I occasionally peruse your feed. Currently, I don’t see any of this information on your Instagram (but, I could be missing something?). If it isn’t there, I urge you to share it.

    1. Casey, I shared this at midnight my time and went to sleep. It will be shared on Instagram later today, in the same way I’ve shared all my Twitter threads there. Not sure if you’re aware, but the tone of your comment is really accusatory and judge-y. Based on your email address, you haven’t commented here before and I don’t trust you.

      1. I apologize for my tone. I genuinely did not mean for it to come off that way. Rather, I wanted to express to you how much I hoped you would share it to your Instagram (which you indicated has a more varied audience from your blog or twitter) because 1) it resonated so strongly with me and 2) I think it is incredibly important for as many people as possible to see this extremely well-written message. I’ve followed your blog for several years, but this was my first time posting (on any blog, ever). Again, thanks for sharing this take.

    1. Brett—liberals are drawing a moral line in the sand. It’s not the same as not respecting. I respect a huge number of differing opinions. I cannot respect leaders who are willfully breaking laws (the Hatch Act, most recently), committing treason, and killing citizens through mismanagement of a global pandemic. And anyone who blindly supports that is going to be tarred with that same brush. It’s called consequences.

      Conservativism is a political ideology. This embrace of Trumpism is something else entirely—and that something else is incredibly dangerous.

      1. [Edited to remove lies.]

        Respectfully Tea, the entire post was about this person not respecting those who think differently. She says explicitly that [she does not respect Trump supporters].

        She is not debating policy or qualifications for high office or political philosophy, the entire post is a diatribe saying others are NOT decent people (dehumanizing) and she has NO respect for them.

        Like I said. It’s sad, I actually think it’s also destructive to the policy positions she holds, but that is another topic.

        The only topic of this post is should we say to those that think differently that they are NOT decent and we do NOT respect them.

        1. This is not true, Brett. Show me the dehumanizing language I used. I don’t believe in dehumanizing people. I talk about behavior. I say: You are not behaving like a decent person. I don’t say: You are not a decent person.

        2. If you call Gabby “this person” clearly you are not a regular reader. Gabby HAS posted about Trump’s policies either here, Twitter or Instagram.

          The point is NOT to shun people you disagree with- this boils down to Trump and that he is eroding our democracy. Supporting Trump is dangerous.

        3. What you’re missing is that by supporting Trump, you don’t just ‘think differently’ from us, you support actively harming a lot of people in our country. It’s not just a difference of opinion.

    2. This is not exclusive to the Democratic Party. Trump refers to everyone who doesn’t support him or his policies as “other” and “unAmerican” and implies that violence should be used against people who he deems out of line.

      1. Amen! Trump wants NOTHING to do with Democrats and considered withholding wildfire aid to California because the state didn’t vote for him. Trump supporters keep missing this

    3. Brett, I don’t have a way to block you on my blog. But you are not a member of this community and I don’t have to let you use my platform to spread lies. Any further comments will be edited/removed.

    4. Brett,

      Thinking differently. One of the great reasons we created this democracy.

      Is this a democracy?

      – fellow citizens murdered weekly if not daily in extra-judicial killings (e.g., by cops)?

      – peaceful protesters terrorized and brutalized by federal and local authorities?

      – our voting system hijacked by an outsider, a dictator none other than Vladimir Putin?

      – the so-called president can’t manage to keep up with other, less wealthy, countries in combating real epidemiological threats to the nation?

      -our voting system hijacked by the so-called president, via the destruction of the postal system, for his re-election?

      These are typically the headlines that we read about other countries, other leaders.

      Brett, I agree that this is a sad state of affairs.

      With nihilists at the helm, this grand democratic experiment called the United States of America may yet be become a chapter for tomorrow’s history books. The chapter would likely be entitled “the fall of the short life of the American empire”. But more apropos would be: “The spectacular farce of American ideals.”

  23. Be encouraged Michelle. Don’t ever give up loving your dad. There is nothing that you can say or do that will change his mind. My husband is also a Trump supporter. If we cut off loved ones, it gives too much power to Trump. He has already ruined so much. We can’t let him ruin relationships with the ones we love.

  24. Thank you for this post. The consequences for everyone involved in the absolutely horrible actions of the last four years need to be long lasting and severe.

  25. Thank you for posting this Gabby. You have put into words what has been going through my head when I see so many posts and “debates” on social media. Just tonight I was talking with my 13 year old son about how Jacob Blake got shot in the back 7 times by a police officer and yet Kyle Rittenhouse was seen by police officers while holding the AR that killed 2 men and he was allowed to sleep in his own bed that night. That is the crazy world we are living in right now and the people who do not want to see this seriously blow my mind. So thank you.

  26. Thank you for this. Ever since I read The Diary of Anne Frank as a child and many times throughout my life, i always wondered if tested against evil would I choose speaking out. Would I be brave and risk everything to hide someone in my home to save them. This feeling was something I always carried in my soul, never actually thinking there would be a time like that for me to be tested. Until now. There are consequences for these actions and as you, I say enough.

  27. I‘m not American, I share almost nothing online and work in a very understanding and compassionate profession, but I can relate so much! I admire you most for putting this into words and sharing those. And for your boldness. And because I believe you that you will do what you write even if it hurts your business.

    1. Thank you Design Mom! I was actually having a conversation in my head with a relative / Trump supporter before reading this, explaining why I would no longer be willing to host them in my home. Now you’ve given me all the good lines!

    2. The thing weakening your message is that you call Trump a rapist. I think he might be one too, but I don’t know. And that is why I wouldn’t vote for him, but a decent person also separates fact from opinion which is another reason I could not vote for Trump and I lost my respect for Trump supporters.

      1. How many women have to credibly accuse Trump of rape, at no benefit to themselves (none are rich or famous from their accusations; all have been attacked and vilified), before you believe them? How many woman did it take until you believed Bill Cosby drugged and assaulted women?

        Have you read the account of the person Trump raped when she was 13?

  28. I applaud you for this post! I am watching the horrors of the Trump presidency from Germany and I hope it will have an end soon.
    One question: You state that 90% of Americans don’t have a stake in the stock market. Where is this number coming from?
    According to a recent Gallup study, I found that 55% of Americans own stock (mainly through pension funds). Nevertheless, the main point you are making does not change.
    -Jasmin

  29. I enjoy reading your political posts and support your use of your platforms to share your views. However, I am also saddened by the disgust you project toward your fellow human beings. If this level of vitriol were targeted toward a different group you would probably find it pretty ugly.

    1. I don’t believe I used language that conveyed disgust or vitriol. But perhaps I’m too close to it. Which part do you feel conveys disgust and vitriol toward my fellow human beings? And do you think it’s ever justified to feel disgust or vitriol toward people who behave immorally? When Mormons behave immorally, I don’t hesitate to call them out on it. Which group do you have in mind when you say I wouldn’t be okay with it?

    1. Thank you for posting. Well said. First time on your blog; I’m now a followerer. I don’t understand how people are supporting this soulless human.

  30. This is so well said, as usual from you. My heart is breaking especially because my own mother, who taught me to have companion for others (but I guess I missed the part where they had to be legal and white) and actually my entire family except 2 uncles are Trump cult followers and we don’t speak anymore. If this monster’s tactics can divide even my mother and I, I really don’t see how this country can ever recover. I feel so defeated. I can’t even bring myself to respect my own mother.

    Anyway….thanks for showing me I’m not alone. You’re a brilliant woman and I love watching your house come together.

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