Hey there. I wrote a Twitter thread about the consequences of supporting Trump. I’m sharing it here because I know many of you don’t use Twitter.
—–
The other day I saw a tweet where a person described that when they find out someone they know personally supports Trump, they lose all respect for them instantly. I liked the tweet and retweeted it, but stopped short of sharing it on Instagram.
Why?
I suppose it’s because, like the author of the tweet, I also know Trump supporters in real life. They already know I think Trump is gross, and they know that I frequently criticize Trump supporters as a group. But I’ve hesitated to tell them directly that I’ve lost respect for them individually.
But I woke up this morning, read reports of the final night of the Republican National Convention — an event where hundreds of federal employees broke many laws — grew deeply angry, and now my hesitation is gone.
My instagram content is different than my Twitter content. On Twitter, I mostly retweet people. On Instagram, I share more personal stuff — like renovations, vacations, and updates about my family. I also highlight tweets and political opinions on Instagram, but it’s maybe 20% of my content there.
A frequent DM (direct message) I receive on Instagram is some version of this: “I come here for design and to see your life in France. Stop posting political stuff.”
These DMs are, without exception, from Trump supporters, or people who claim to be independent, but will definitely vote for Trump and are ashamed to admit it.
My response: I do not create content for you.
It makes me sick to my stomach that you, a Trump supporter, ever read or watch or listen to anything I’ve created. This is true even if I know you in real life.
I see what you are trying to do. You want me to treat you like a decent human being. But you are not behaving like a decent human being.
A decent person doesn’t align themself with people who are proudly racist and who insist America doesn’t have a racism problem.
A decent person doesn’t align themself with people who believe viral right-wing stories on Facebook over trained journalists, who think Q is real, who think the pandemic is fake, who think the earth is flat.
A decent person doesn’t align themself with people who weep and faint over celebrity-child-trafficking-rings that don’t exist, but support the ICE family separations at the border that actually lead to child trafficking.
A decent person knows what it feels like to do a job and not get paid, and recognizes that Trump is first and foremost a con-man, liar, and thief.
A decent person knows and acknowledges that Trump only looks out for himself.
A decent person knows Trump raped a 13-year-old, has read her description of the rape, has read all the other accounts of Trump sexually assaulting girls and women, and never forgets Trump is a rapist who has never had to face consequences for his assaults.
I see you. Especially my fellow white women. You want to read what interesting people are reading, you want to see good movies, you want to know what the designers and artists are creating.
But you don’t want anyone to know you are voting for Trump.
You don’t like when people you follow talk politics. You say it’s because you want to “focus on the positive.” But really, it’s because it reminds you of your Trump shame.
You want to vote for Trump and experience no negative consequences.
But that’s not an option.
One of the consequences of your actions? I do not respect you.
How could I?
How could I respect someone who hears about a Black man being shot by police 7 times in his back, while his kids watch, and their first thought is: “Well, we don’t know the whole story.”
Another consequence of your actions? I have a deep desire to withhold my community and my creations from you.
Instagram has data that could tell me exactly which of you support Trump. I wish they would give me that data. I would block every single one of you.
My Instagram followers request access to my life daily. You’re voting for Trump and you want to know the source for my daughter’s dress? My answer is: No. You want to know the paint color we chose for the attic renovation? No. You want to participate in a parenting discussion on Design Mom? No.
I want to shun you from my community.
If gatherings were safely happening, I want you to be shunned from all events hosted by decent people. No wedding invitations. No conference tickets. No backyard barbecues.
I want decent event hosts to send you a card, explaining you are not invited because you are a Trump supporter.
I wish stores like Ikea and Target wouldn’t let you buy their products.
I wish your internet provider (who for sure knows you’ll be voting for Trump), would cut you off as a customer.
I want to see you shunned by every person and organization that doesn’t support Trump. No more access to their books, movies, products, music, events, artists & influencers — till you are left with nothing but Smashmouth concerts, and Ben Shapiro talking about his sex life.
Some of you will tell me you have no choice; that you’re a single issue voter and that your single issue is abortion, so you can only vote for an anti-abortion candidate.
And I will respond: The Republicans are making a fool of you.
We all know Republicans talk big about being anti-abortion but their policies don’t reduce abortions. Republican policies increase things like teen pregnancy, which also increases abortions.
The fact is: abortion numbers go down under the policies of Democrats.
If you want to reduce abortion, the most effective, proven way to do so is to vote for Democrats. If the most important issue to you is reducing abortions, then the only choice you have is voting for Democrats up and down the ballot.
Some of you will tell me you support Trump because of the stock market.
Well, that is certainly something a selfish a**hole would do.
A whopping 90% of Americans have no stake in the stock market. I’m one of them.
If you like the current trajectory of our economy; if you want existing and newly created wealth to continue to be concentrated in the top 10%; if you don’t think employers should have to provide a living wage; if you somehow think hoarding a billion dollars is ethical; if you don’t want to tax the rich; then I don’t make content for you.
I create content and community for decent people. Do we agree on everything? No. We may debate the best way to educate kids. Or disagree on baby names, favorite books, or suburban vs. urban vs, country living. But I will not make space for you to debate the merits of white supremacy.
You want respect, but your behavior and beliefs are not worthy of respect.
You don’t want to be shamed or mocked for supporting Trump, but you align yourself with people who want to “make liberal snowflakes cry” and who mock anyone who wears a pandemic mask.
Do you think I care about losing you as a follower? I do not. Not one bit. I will actively block you on Instagram if I know you’re a Trump supporter. You unfollowing me doesn’t hurt me in any way. I literally — in the true sense of the word — won’t notice you are gone.
You can’t support Trump and also be a decent human being. You can’t support Trump and earn my respect.
Want to be a decent person? Don’t want to worry about being shunned? You’re in luck! The solution is easy and free:
Stop being a Trump supporter. Don’t vote for Trump.
That’s it. That’s the thread. How about you? Can you relate? Or do find that you are still able to respect the Trump supporters you know?
Yes!! I can relate!!
This is awesome, Gabby, you go girl!!! IM WITH HER!
You took the words right out of my mouth… just more eloquently!
OMG!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU…I am in shock when I hear educated people explain why this ignorant bully should be re-elected!! It stuns my soul!! And a couple of them live in my house!! Thank you for posting, sharing and speaking up for those of us who loathe Trump…🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️
Amen! Hallelujah! And pass the cup!
Thank you for taking a stand and calling out your fellow white women. That is what being an ally is all about!
This is the bravest thing and I applaud you a thousand times over. Never stop calling out that TURNIP and his supporters! I, too, have stayed away from any mention of him in my social media but that time is over now. Too much at stake. Keep being a mom warrior for what is RIGHT.
Word. Thank you for using your platform to fight for our democracy.
A friend of mine sent me this post today. I have never seen your site before, but I can tell you that this was so brave and SPOT ON, I’m a fan. Thank you for posting, thank you for speaking out.
Well done and I applaud your courage. Consider yourself 1 (non Trump voter) follower richer!!!
Great way to say what we all are thinking!
Huge applause !! Thanks so, so, much for finding the right words and for your courage to write them here. Bravo ! From Switzerland, I’m watching in disbelief the horrors coming from that man and his crew. You deserve so much better. Blessings and respect.
Gabby…
YES! YES! YES! As a white suburban college-educated woman from America…YES!!!
Thank you for having the fortitude to make a stand. I am so over the demonizing of the everything I stand for, the hate spewed for the not supporting Trump, but then told, but we love you, you are family. How can you say you love me, but hate everything I stand for? I hate Trump, everything he stands for, everything he has done to tear this country apart. It terrifies me to think of the damage he will do the most basic of humanity, much less the rule of law we have relied on for 250 years if he is re-elected. I need to reach down deep and find the strength to make a stand. Can I?
This post makes me soooo happy. There is zero accountability for being a shitty human who supports Trump. Your content is yours and opinions and comments from people whose opinion is irrelevant is also irrelevant. Trumpers can bully, terrorize, make fun of and lie about people but when called out for it are incredulous. Game is over. Time is up. I applaud your position, your conviction and hope that you are an inspiration, not only to those who are fearful to share their anti-Trump point of view but also to those who are think they can support him only on one issue. Supporting Trump is not a difference of opinion, it is a difference of morals, ethics, values and character. This made my day!! Thank you!!! 💗
This post makes me soooo happy. There is zero accountability for being a shitty human who supports Trump either in whole or in part. Supporting Trump is not a difference of opinion, it is a difference of morals, ethics, values and character. This made my day!! Thank you!!! 💗
Yas!!!! Hate!!!
Gabby! This is IT!
I’m hoping many other content creators follow your lead and explain unequivocally that Trump enablers are not welcome.
I tweeted and posted to FB the following after reading the article “Are you #Trump supporter ? Find a different planet to move to and leave decent people free from your despicable characteristics.” This inspired piece should lead the many to realize the power of the ‘word’ over “guns”, goodness over darkness, love over hate.
God bless you !! You are not and never will be aligned with me if you vote for any of these racist, vile people.
The words of my enemies hurt but the silence of my friends are devastating!
Speak the Truth!
I just fell head over heels in love with you!!!
Oh my god, me too!! I’m absolutely in love!!!
Just read and love, love, love. So so happy to read this here. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this. I agree with ALL OF THE ABOVE. Thank you.
I’ve been working my way through the comments and they’re fascinating. I absolutely support your right to do this and 👏👏👏 that you use your platform so bravely and thoughtfully. And I agree, my gut response is very similar, although I’m lucky enough to live in the UK (although I have American in-laws and a FIL who voted Trump last time although I’m pretty sure he regrets that choice and won’t be repeating that, he’s fiscally Republican not… I don’t even know how to describe them… a racist/homophobe/misogynist). So I don’t have to deal with these exact attitudes on a daily basis.
But I do have a question about the psychological response you’re going to get. Your aim is to effectively withhold praise and respect, to shame people into questioning their viewpoint. But I wonder if the *actual* effect might be to make them feel (completely, utterly unjustifiably) that they’re the victims or the oppressed rather than acknowledging their role in oppressing others? When people feel shamed or excluded a typical emotional response is to feel attacked and become defensive, rather than to look within. Is it just going to make them double down on their offensive and poorly thought out belief systems, with an added dose of ‘woe is me, I’m being oppressed/excluded’ pity party thrown in?
No answers here. I think the time to live and let live in peace and harmony passed a long time ago, human rights > politics. But I wonder how other readers feel their family members are likely to psychologically react to this approach and if it would actually change voting habits or entrench them?
I think you have a very good point here. Nobody comes around to seeing another’s point of view by being kicked out of the group.
Mary, what consequences do you think Trump supporters should face? They want normalcy for themselves while causing chaos, pain, and death for the bulk of the country. I refuse to give them that normalcy.
I love Design Mom’s post and it’s about time someone just laid it out. So many of us are feeling this way and tiptoeing around people we know who support this madness and why should we?! This monster is destroying our country and his supports are aiding him. Enough is enough. Thank you Gabrielle Blair for being brave!
Honestly, I think too many of them already see themselves as victims. Victims of immigration policies, of women entering the workforce, of Obama. Since they are ostensibly adults, what short of shaming will work? I’m here for it.
I also think that this isn’t about what “works,” whether the shaming will “work.” It’s about being true to her own beliefs and not caring that they won’t have an effect—this is for her and not for them. They have chosen their path, that’s up to them. But…it has consequences.
Gabby- I’ve been reading your beautiful, thoughtful, well curated blog for years and I am so so proud of the evolution of your platform and your increasingly public advocacy for decency, humanity, community, and hope. This post articulates exactly how I feel every time I have to interact with family voting for him, too. And not for the party, but for him. I can debate party lines and different approaches to solving problems we all face but what I cannot do is stomach any individual’s support of this monster and his administration. To not be actively horrified and engaged in the undoing of this nightmare is a grave offense. I haven’t been able to express how I don’t want to engage with people even in my own family but this articulates it beautifully. Thank you.
You are the raddest of the rad. I came here over a decade ago for your parenting acumen, your design aesthetic, and your beautiful French adventure. Love all that still, but love even more the clarity of your voice, the ferocity of your courage, and the thoroughness of your decency.
Thank you, Linda. I truly appreciate your kind words.
Wow, just wow, I couldn’t quite put my thoughts into words, but THIS is exactly how I feel!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
Thank you for this! I follow you on Twitter and I look forward to retweeting your thread when it’s up. I better go check. Thank you so much. xo
I hear you CK. A good debate about how to solve problems — like the best way to employ widespread covid testing — is necessary and helpful. A debate trying to justify the killing of of George Floyd is immoral and harmful.
Thank you so much for writing this. I feel the exact same way. And although I don’t have the same online platform as you, your words give me strength to show up and challenge any and all Trump supporters I may encounter. No justice, no peace!
Never read your blog or seen your IG before today (my wife has followed for years), but I love everything you wrote because it is honest and what so many people feel. Look forward to following.
All of it. Every single thing you said.
I’m more exhausted in every possible way than I have ever been in my life.
I needed to hear someone as furious as I am about everything surrounding Trump support. It’s a betrayal of the social contract we have with one another as members of a common society.
Thank you, Gabby
xo
Betrayal is such a good word here.
Absolutely. I can’t believe you really have any close relatives or friends who are Trump supporters. Because I would not, will not, abandon relationships with those I love over politics, which are known to change. You can pretend it’s noble if you want, but cutting out PEOPLE over perceptions and ideas marketed by a lunatic president and lunatic media is insane. I don’t “live and breathe politics”, so I am able to have conversations more easily about broader topics, I guess.
What Gabby is talking about goes way far and beyond politics. It is about our collective lives. We are fighting for the soul of our country. American is a good country filled with good people. Donald Trump is working hard at pulling down all the good. He wants to sew hate and bigotry. We must reject his ideas and cling to our own ideals. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t vote for a support Trump even secretly and retain the decency and morals of our country.
Then you are a very privileged and lucky person. I may lose my health care ( my sons may as well ) You’re voting to take away my health care?
I want nothing to do with you “PEOPLE”.
You will be able to get health insurance! I don’t understand why people believe they can’t?
You may not be able to go to your preferred Dr but heck, people on Medicare don’t always get to either! BUT, we are not without some sort of healthcare.
Kathy: Health care is a big issue for me, as a self-employed person with a wife and 2 kids. Please explain how you might lose your health care. What state are you in?
Democrats are working to provide healthcare to everyone. Trump and the GOP are the threat to your healthcare with their repeal (now) and replace (someday but not really ever) plan to take away the ACA.
The problem with most Trump supporters is that they are angry over things that aren’t true (like Democrat’s causing them to lose their healthcare) and not angry over the things that are (like the GOP tried to repeal the ACA without having a plan, but were thwarted by true Republicans like John McCain) because they refuse to research, identify and accept facts as facts.
Elizabeth, yes! They are angry about things that aren’t true.
Do you mind if I quote you on the follow up post?
Until your brother calls you a “f**king loser,” and your mother agrees with him, and says you hate him because you hate Trump. That’s when the ties must get cut. This isn’t just perception or ideas, this is them showing themselves down to their very core.
You are not understanding how evil this President is. This is not about politics. PLEASE try really hard to understand what is at stake here.
It is so painful to see close family members be selfish, bigoted idiots aligned with Trump. After he was elected, I was estranged from my parents for a year and wouldn’t let them see their grandchildren. I eventually softened a little. It’s not that I don’t want my parents in my life, it’s that I don’t want myself and my kids subjected to their heinous, mistaken worldview. I don’t want my kids to wonder later as adults where our family stood. I don’t want them to have the guilt and shame that I imagine the Hitler Youth had after the fall of the Third Reich. I don’t want us to sleepwalk into the end of America.
I think all decent Americans are in agony right now wondering if our country will re-elect Trump, fretting about what we should be doing to stop it, fearing what will happen to our families and our country if he gets another 4 years to push us over the cliff.
I think it’s funny that pro-Trump people think YOU’RE the one being reckless sharing political views that alienate some of your social media followers. What about THEIR recklessness in supporting Trump as he transforms our nation into an unrecognizable dystopia?
So we’ll conceived and communicated. I am so angry that I shut down; you choose words, descriptors, and facts that speak truth while eliminating the dis/misinformation and lies he spews.
“It’s a betrayal of the social contract we have with one another as members of a common society.”
Preach! Thank you for these words.
All of it, every word, perfection. You expressed how so many of us feel. Thank you. ♥️
Wow – powerful post! I am not American, but I am really saddened by the shambles the USA has become. And like you, I do not respect Trump supporters. What I don’t understand about the abortion issue, and people insisting that they have to vote for Trump because they are anti-abortion, is why are unborn lives more important than the lives of people living right now?
Yes, Debbie!!! My question for lo these many years of hypocritical “debate,” but you just sweetly placed a punch right between the eyes of these malevolent hypocrites. Thank you for the powerfully simple articulation of your question.
I refer to these people as “pro-forced-birth.” They aren’t pro-life, or they would care about the lives of the children after they are born, and they do not.
Debbie, I have the same question.
It’s because most religious people are living for the pre existence and post existence. They are willing to alienate and ostracize their own loved ones in this life all in the name of being saved in the next life. It’s ludicrous.
I have this question, too. I’ve lost lost so much respect for people who call themselves pro-life in the last year. I do think for some of them, being anti-abortion is more about the principle of the thing—standing up against what they see as legalized baby killing—than about the consequences (eg actually reducing numbers of abortions, or equally supporting born people). I can’t tell if I sympathize with that or not. On the one hand it seems idiotic (like they care more about banning abortion than reducing abortions??), but otoh I appreciate what Gabby is doing here as standing up for what’s right and I get why someone would feel the need to do that right now, even though this kind of post will probably not be effective in reducing trump votes or toning down the horrible pro-trump culture.
I agree Debbie. They have taken a personal moral viewpoint and have politicized it. If you’re against abortion, don’t get one.
Debbie! This is my long held question also, and I don’t think the answer is very pretty at all. The powerful dissociation required to consider oneself decent, even righteous, while choosing the most socially and economically avaricious political leaders decade after decade simply distorts every perception and destroys any meaningful concept of Love.
This is the reason I have cut off my mother and father completely since I knew for certain that they were supporting him in the 2016 election.
I appreciate this post and your brave honesty so much!
THANK YOU. Thank you a million times.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you! Wow, wow, wow! 💜
I’m very ANTI-trump but I do want to bring up one thing about this post that worries me. I watch YouTube clips of Fox News or Ben Shapiro from time to time (and am often recommended them on the site) to make sure I really see the narrative being pushed. I want to say and feel I heard both side of the argument. I’ve come away time after time feeling as strongly angry as ever but I wonder if Instagram or YouTube would label me pro-trump? I think that’s the danger in trusting those analytics?
My husband works in the field, and my understanding is the analytics are VERY sophisticated and would not peg you as a trump voter just from that. I think.
YES! Thank you!
I was hanging on every word.
I loved this and I needed it.
Thank you, that’s great to hear from someone who understands how these things work! I still do worry about those analytics being used against someone, it’s so complicated. I recently quit Facebook because I couldn’t emotionally handle the pro-trump rhetoric from people I know personally and care for. It’s just such a sad state of things and I’m so distraught.
So I did check! The “prediction” models are based on an aggregate of your activity across a platform. So for example, google prediction model is based on all activity on youtube, google search platform, and gmail activity, mainly. So if your conservative viewing is a small fraction of activity across those platforms it wouldn’t affect your “score” too heavily. If it was a company creating a prediction based on the apps on your phone, then each ap would weigh on your score. (so if you had Fox News, bass pro, wsj and bo hunting range, your score would be much more conservative than someone with ny times, recycled!, period tracker and Fox News) Anyway, hope that sheds a little light on it. Most scores or political rating are a number on a scale, not a binary red or blue and to receive a heavy “conservative” label you would have to be doing LOTS of things that pointed to that lifestyle.
Whew, I started reading your comment and was thinking that you were about to defend some of the views that you say on Fox News or Ben Shapiro. Pleasantly surprised that wasn’t where you were going :)
I’ve read your content for years and have never left a comment. But this is amazing! Thank you for speaking up!!
Thanks for reading, Alicia.
One hundred percent, that’s how I feel. But how do we keep a family going? I personally have nothing to say to the people in my life who have Trump signs in every room in their house. But they are my family. I grapple with this pain & fantasize about Brene Brown being my personal therapist to deal with it. Feels like no one talks about it.
I understand this fear, but ask yourself if you have a limit at all. If you lived in fascist pre-war Germany, would you still love your family if they supported the rise of the Third Reich? Because honestly, we’re on the cusp of something huge and terrible and if we don’t decide those limits soon, they’ll cease to exist and we’ll all be fully complicit.
Yes! Thank you for speaking up.
My family too. It’s very hard. Do I tell my kids who adore their grandparents, we aren’t seeing Oma and Opa at Christmas because they voted for Trump? It’s hard. It’s really hard.
Great post, Gabby. You are a leader. I’m trying to be more like you all the time.
Yes! This! I’ve had political arguments with both my mom and aunt this week over their support. I love them but I CANNOT understand or condone this. And then it undermines everything else in our relationships and influence.
Way to rock it Gabby! I love that you are bold, have thought about all your words & still blogged them.
I also admire you for saying what we all want to say! I’m not writing content for you!
I’m embarrassed by our current administration.
Hi Julie,
Glennon Doyle does a great job sharing how she approaches extended family, when their views & behaviors seriously conflict with her and her children. I can’t recommend her book Untamed enough! Stay strong. 💕
Manda, I think the topic you bring up is something we have to grapple with. For me, the idea is to not preserve their normalcy. So maybe it’s something like:
– You can support Trump, but one of the consequences is that I don’t trust you with my kids. I don’t trust what you will say to them. So you can only see them when I’m there, and they won’t be coming to stay with you for the annual summer Auntie-camp.
– You can support Trump, but be aware that your grandkids are old enough that we talk politics at home. We teach them to support Black Lives Matter, and we discuss how immoral the President is. I won’t lie to them. I’m going to tell them you watched Fox News until it fooled you; that you now align with racist views and think global warming is a hoax; that you’ve convinced yourself to hate people who are LGBTQA. We are going to tell your grandkids that you love them, but that they should ignore what you tell them because you’re not behaving morally.
– You can support Trump, but one of the consequences is you’ll see less of me. I am going to limit how much I see you or talk to you. If you do things like spout QAnon nonsense, I will leave. If you want to see more of me, stop supporting Trump.
Thank you for writing this. My husband and children are Black. My parents voted for Trump and it has completely changed our relationship. It is heartbreaking. I had a miscarriage this summer and didn’t even tell my family I was pregnant when I wanted nothing more than comfort from my mom. But their actions have very real consequences and I just don’t trust them at this point. They quickly reversed course and vowed to not support him after the 2016 election, but it revealed much bigger blind spots they have about racism and a lack of commitment to really engage. I think that grey area is the hardest—I constantly question if I’m being cruel or unforgiving by not being more welcoming of them at this point. My husband keeps saying the phrase “a bell can’t be unrung,” and while I agree with the idea that the consequences of their vote remain, I would be a lot more likely to come to their defense if I saw more meaningful change. Their situation is complicated by the fact that they live in a 90% Republican area and my dad is a minister in a conservative church. But, they have aligned themselves with a community that excuses hatred and even if the road is hard, they are choosing what is comfortable over what is right.
Whitney – First, I’m sorry for your loss. Second, I’m sorry about this situation with your parents. It’s nice to hear they have changed their minds about Trump. And it’s true, a bell can’t be unrung. But you may be in the position to help them see things in a different way. People can learn and change, if they are willing. You know best what to do, but I hope there’s a chance of reconciliation. Best wishes.
Thank you, Karen. I might have oversimplified my description of what’s happened. We haven’t cut them off. We spent hundreds of dollars doing therapy ourselves trying to figure out the best way to handle things. We have talked with them, read books with them, my husband has painstakingly described his experiences as a Black person. What is still lacking is taking any action that goes beyond head nodding and reading books. They don’t initiate conversations, my mom has said they’ll “do anything to preserve our relationship” but doesn’t understand how that’s part of the problem itself. At this point, we still see them (well, pre-COVID), but it is definitely not the same because we have put up boundaries to protect ourselves and to not let them get away with being comfortable and feeling like things are “normal.” It is so hard. But I am not God and I can’t control what change might come and at what pace.
I also think I would be a lot more likely to carry on as if things are okay if my husband and children weren’t in a group being directly targeted and harmed by Trump. I regret taking the easy way out until people in my own family were at risk.
Whitney, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs from someone who’s been there, too.
You may not win this one, mama – I hope you do, but this is really hard – but you are teaching your kids valuable lessons about real life and have a lot to be proud of. They know you’re on their side, and they see how hard you’re working and teaching your family and trying for them. Family’s been complicated since the beginning of time.
Thanks, Elizabeth. It can feel very lonely. I appreciate your encouragement and knowing that others have walked this path.
You are not alone in this and there are no easy answers. My parents are very conservative, attend a conservative church (my dad used to be a minister) and they share their very conservative viewpoints actively. I have spent a lot of time in therapy setting boundaries and I will probably be continuously setting those boundaries as long as my parents live. Two things have helped: 1. Being true to who I am and what my life is (I used to limit what I shared to spare their feelings, but that was only hurting me. 2. Shaping our relationship around them getting to spend time with their granddaughter and keeping my relationship with them out of it as much as possible. It is so hard and I hope you find a way forward that feels right to you and your family.
Thank you for this comment. I struggle mightily on how to deal with my parents who are Trump supporters. I’m 57 years old, and they are in their 80s, and I can honestly say that it’s the most difficult thing, outside of struggling as a caregiver to a severely disabled daughter, that I’ve dealt with in my life. I am torn up by it. I love my parents and honor them, but I do not — absolutely do not — respect them. I am constantly in conflict, an inner conflict, on how to “deal” with it all. I have a Black partner and am thus intimately involved with someone whose very life is at stake — metaphorically and literally. I so appreciate your wisdom and guidance here — your words. Thank you.
Canadian here, but I have to say amen, sister! In response to Manda’s comment above, I just read a twitter thread yesterday about the estrangement in families due to Trump – it’s unfortunately very common and another illustration of the damage he has done to the fabric of society. I don’t know what the answer is, but I think honesty is a good place to start, and I am grateful for your honesty here, Gabby, in calling out so much of what is wrong in your country today.
This isn’t a reply, I wanted to add that this piece of writing is passionate and bracing in the same way as Emma Gonzales’ “I call B.S.” speech after the school shooting in Parkland. Have never forgotten that one; will not forget this one either.
Sue, I totally agre!
I’m in Canada too and fully support your passionate words Gabby!! I follow American politics closely and am appalled by Trump, Moscow Mitch and the GOP! All the policies that intentionally hurt families and children sicken me … and there are just so many policies … every day there is a new one!🤦🏻♀️ And don’t even get me started on the fact that Trump/Pence refuse to speak the words Black Lives Matter because they don’t want to upset their racist base – unacceptable!! Although I’m in Canada, I’ll be distraught if Biden/Harris don’t win!! Go Gabby!!
Bravo! Thank you for using your platform to let Trump supporters know there will be consequences. I’ve been quietly doing such by distancing myself from known Trump supporters or unfriending people from Facebook — but this post gives me clarity that I need to be more vocal about the consequence of voting for Trump.
Let me be loud and clear Trump supporters in my circle: You are not welcome in my home. You are not welcome to play with my children. You are not invited to my dinner parties or my bbqs. You are not my carpool buddy or my dog walking friend.
You are not pro-military. You ignore reports that Russians are paid bounties to kill American soldiers.
You are not pro-Christ. You support a man who separates immigrant families with no resources. A man who has valid reports of rape, adultery and sexual assault.
You are not law and order. You look the other way to crimes committed by whites and yell “danger” when colored people are in the way. You cheered last night seeing the White House propped as a campaign tool, known very well this broke many laws.
You are not pro-life. You support a man who is at this moment, arguing in court to take away all pre-existing conditions from your insurance and will likely leave many dead. Oh, and guess what idiot, had covid? That’s pre-existing.
You are not pro-community. You yell “freedom” when asked to wear a mask that protects me and my family. And spit and cough and fellow citizens that ask you to put the damn mask on.
You are racist. You are misogynistic. You are are homophobic. And you are not welcome in my life.
Thanks Gabby for the encouragement to start putting words to action.
Thank you for speaking up! This is HISTORY. The stakes have never been higher in our lifetime.
Amen! I hope you guys all read historian Heather Cox Richardson’s daily analyses, which are brilliant (but also appalling, due to the current news she has to cover). I think the fascist overtones of the convention (“12 more years!” and Melania in a military outfit) were alarming. This is not a Republican v. Democrat issue, we’re facing a demagogue with a cult following. Also recommend (although I just started reading it) this book.
Her newsletter/substack is 👌🏾. She’s a Professor of history specializing in US politics
Julie H—just a small thing: that OK sign has been co-opted by white supremacists. I read your comment and thought, ‘wait, what?!?!’, interpreting you message in that way.
Heather Cox Richardson has been a sanity-saver for me! I share her post on FB now and then and every time I see that another of my friends is following her, it gives me hope.
I’m in 100 % agreement. I don’t have respect for Trump supporters. None. Thank you for putting this out in the world.
Oh Gabby, this is so wonderful, thank you so much for writing the words that this living in a conservative community girl needed to read. There’s a town not too far from me where my sister lives with her kids and the sheriff’s department has told the library, which wanted to express it’s support for inclusivity, that it would not respond to any 911 calls at the library. And now the sheriff’s department is investigating the library director. I don’t know what to make of this mess.
That’s awful about the librarian. Is it possible to contact the city/ county council? Or to get in touch with a local ACLU chapter? That is truly disturbing
holy shit.
Gabby, I love your rage. Thank you for shouting it from the rooftops, to your community, many of whom while stomp off in a huff. I’ve been reading you for years, and have only rarely commented, but had to come say “brava!!” as soon as I read your post.
Amen and Amen. I’m 100% for this content, Gabby!
May the truth and shame shine a light on those among us who are secretly upholding racism, misogyny, homophobia and xenophobia.
Amen. Thank you Gabby.
For anyone who supports Trump I want an answer to how they can support a man who brags about assaulting women and who has likely caused and paid for more than one abortion (I didn’t know about the rape of the 13 yr old. I feel sick). Not yet has one Trump supporter been able to give an answer.
This sparked so much inside of me. I am trying to find my voice and this helps so much. Thank you!
Gabby, to use your words from your defund the police thread THIS is “peak Karen power’ put to its best use. Keep going! headed over to twitter now to retweet!
❤️❤️❤️
Am I allowed to laugh at my own words? “Peak Karen power” always makes me chuckle. : )
I think you are. 100% :)
Everything she said. You rock Gabby.
Bless you! I’ve read here for many years, particularly appreciating the Living with Kids series. I’ve never taken the time to comment. This post is EVERYTHING. I hope to take a page from your brave book in the coming days. Thank you, thank you.
Thanks for reading, Sarah.
Your thread rocked! Keep voicing your opinion.
Yes, yes, yes!!! I can’t even put into words how much I feel about this, and I’m not even American but from and living in New Zealand. The American election affects so much more than just America, but the whole entire world. We have our own election coming up here in October and something has become scarily apparent to me. In Government now we have a party which would most align with your Democrat party, the major contesting party for this election would align with your Republican party. I have been shocked to see slowly unfolding before my eyes the contesting party and their supporters acting in ways that so align with Trump, spreading falsehoods and conspiracies, focusing on the take down of our current leading party and Prime Minister by any means and words necessary rather than focusing on presenting the public with their policies, and when they do present any policies they flip-flop on them and go with whatever they think will most damaging and divisive even if they had recently held a different view. This is the first time I have experienced this and I feel it is a DIRECT flow on from having Trump in office in America. I can’t even word this properly with how strongly I feel but I am sad for not just America but the world that he has even existed in this sphere and I do not know how I will deal with that blanket of depression if God help us he is re-elected. On your comments of losing respect for his voters, I completely agree. This is way beyond just politics now, this is whether you are a decent human or not. I have seen many of his supporters making comments on your more political posts and I hope they take a long hard look at themselves and absorb every word you have written. If they still cannot bear to deviate from their blind devotion to him, well, you are not making content for them.
Yes, agreed! I’m Canadian in Canada and have noticed our federal conservative (republican aligning) party leaders used to have policies that I didn’t like, but now they’re also extremely offensive and disrespectful, racist, etc. in addition to the policies I don’t agree with. As trump tweets racist rhetoric, targeted racism in Canada increases. It’s disturbing to witness how far reaching the effects of Trump are (and American politics in general).
Yes! Kiwi here too. And am very concerned with the invasion of trumpist and qanon crap into NZ.
Hannah, I’m in NZ too and I agree completely. My husband and I were talking about the demise of that party recently – it’s never been great (e.g. Dirty Politics) but I feel like up until recently it had principles and policies and now it is just trying to emulate Trump’s “success” (in terms of power gain only) without standing for anything, just appealing to the basest instincts of our most uneducated, vulnerable, and (let’s face it) the redneck contingent. It’s so scary to watch what’s happening in the States and to see it could easily happen here too.
Gabby, this is the third time I’ve read this today – a couple of people I follow on Instagram shared it there. I’ve read it and thought about it deeply every time. Thank you for speaking out. I agree with you wholeheartedly. If you are a Trump voter, I don’t care what “reasons” you have. Voting for Trump is an immoral act. People voting for Trump are acting immorally. They are on the wrong side of history and I don’t want them anywhere near me, including in my online spaces.
I appreciate your comment, Hannah. I agree with you that American elections can affect everyone, not just Americans. I know that because of Trump, America is rapidly losing its influence in the world, but your comment reminded me of this saying: When America sneezes, the rest of the world gets a cold.
THANK YOU. I have never commented, but today is the day to let you know that you are amazing. Thank you for saying all the things and using your presence, brain and heart for change. Sending much love and support from Detroit!!!
Thank you for the kind words, Sarah.
YES. Amen. To all of this. Thank you.
100%. Thank you for this!!
Thank you for using your voice and your platform in such a powerful way. Amazing post. I couldn’t agree more with all of it!
YES. I am 100 percent in agreement with you. I have a couple of friends who are Trump supporters and I have found myself distancing from them over the last few years. The hypocrisy of being “pro life” but willing to support an administration that is anti-life in a myriad of other ways-I can’t overlook this anymore.
I feel the same way about a couple of friends, I was shocked when I found out they were adamant supporters and was also really disappointed. Add in a discussion about systemic racism and I had to time out.
It really has colored our friendships negatively because I feel like their support comes with a huge basket of assumptions about their values and it’s been hard for me then to go back and chat about cooking or our kids or other “regular” things because now it seems like we are viewing and understanding the world in a completely different way. At best, i feel like they are naive – at worst, they’re bigots. It’s not great.
I totally honor you and admire how you can put into words exactly how I feel. You are so talented and genuine. Thank you thank you thank you. Eleanor Frances
YES!
Thank you thank you thank you Gabby!!!
Can we talk about how our American public school system does not teach the same history of our nation to all students? The history was revised and whitewashed for most of our parents and some of us. Then add the machine and money dedicated to propping up the GOP at all costs – the Southern Strategy, abortion, evangelicals. It is a multibillion dollar industry to ‘flood them with bullish*t’ as Steve Bannon famously said. They created the Government Accountability Institute (which is specifically NOT a government agency) to create research and weaponize media to LIE to Americans.
Yes, Trump supporters can be all these horrible things that don’t deserve a welcome, BUT there is an actual system and a machine aimed directly at them to prop this all up. Once Trump is gone, the machine (Russia, FOX, OANN, the GOP) remain and will continue to target our loved ones who live outside major cities or who lack information/education to understand all this.
Yes, Angela, you bring up an important and very related subject. So many Trump supporters are being drowned in nonsense and misinformation. They’re surrounded by it. How do we disrupt the harmful media-normalcy they are experiencing?
I’m with you 110%; you are so brave and honest. FYI, check out the documentary, The Brainwashing of My Dad, if you haven’t already seen it.
1000000%. My AP US History course in a Texas public school in 2006-2007 expressly taught me that the Civil War was about states’ rights, NOT slavery and a bunch of other fucked up stuff that I assumed was true until university. I basically spent my entire childhood indoctrinated. Thankfully it didn’t take as I’m as liberal as they come.
Thank you for writing this! I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said.
THIS. This is so powerful!!! Amen, sister.
Trump’s actions are revolting. The prospect of his being re-elected makes me sick. But if we pretend his supporters don’t exist how can we create change? How can we move forward without convincing them there is a better way to live? They will continue to obstruct and hate even if he’s voted out. People often vote against their best interests, they need to be shown that treating people with decency and respect improves life for everyone. We can’t just care for the people who agree with us or we end up becoming in a small way like them. Love is power and strength, the opposite of the Trumpian way.
Thank you for sharing your thought provoking content and providing an escape to mentally travel.
I didn’t read this as “let’s pretend these people don’t exist” or “let’s only care for people who agree with us.” I read it as “I don’t respect you for these many reasons and therefore I don’t think you deserve to consume the the good that I create in this world. In the case where I know you, you’re still my family member/friend (and I do care about you which makes this all the more painful), but your willful ignorance and/or hypocrisy after seeing all this person has done as President means that you are not a decent person and don’t deserve the parts of me that you want.”
I had a rough day of political infighting in a text thread with some of my closest family members. One of whom so loudly voiced her support for Trump (prior to today I actually didn’t know she supported him, though I suspected) that I was floored, and then started considering how to distance from her. Then I read Gabby’s Twitter thread and was SO ELATED by her words, but then I started to wonder “now what to do???”
Kara, Thank you for your comment which helps me see I don’t have to cut her (or the others) out of my life, but I DO need to create better boundaries, and absolutely maintain my anti Trump stance, and absolutely take courage and speak up every chance I get until Election Day.
Mary, the problem is that they don’t want to be convinced. TRUMP SUPPORTERS DO NOT WANT TO BE CONVINCED. Sorry for the all-caps, but this is me, with my decades of Evangelical background, and, I repeat, THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE CONVINCED. Trust me, I’ve tried. A lot of us in my demographic (the younger ones) have tried. They do not want to change. I’m all for treating people with respect and decency, but trying to change their minds is a gigantic waste of time. It’s a cult. And cult members can’t be convinced out of cultish thinking.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I found reading this so cathartic after a tough week of trying to avoid hearing anything that was said at the RNC. Thank you.
It really was a rough week all the way around.
Thank you for expressing your outrage, and mine, so well. I, too, am heartily offended by people who want to consider themselves good people while supporting the toxic behavior of Trump and his cronies. It defies all understanding and is extremely painful to me. People (and family members!) who I would have sworn were intelligent and good-hearted are showing themselves to be anything but. It does help to know that there are folks such as yourself who can see the appalling damage our country is undergoing and express your anger while refusing to allow the Trump supporters to think his actions are acceptable. Call them out, Gabby, as your words lift up those of us who need to hear that there is still a large number of the American citizenry who insist that we can and must do a lot better as a nation.
YES YES YES. ALL OF THIS.
All of this so much. Thank you for using your platform this way, and especially for reminding us white women to stop silently nodding and actively speak out. We the People have been mowed over for 4 years and my mind is boggled thinking about what we now accept as normal. We need this anger. Thank you for bringing it. NO JUSTICE NO PEACE.
NO JUSTICE NO PEACE.
I share your anger, ever minute of every day. Keep up the fight. Loads of love to you.
You’ve done it again, Gabrielle. You’re best and bravest work ever. Thank you so much.
You should be ashamed of yourself, the mother of 6 kids. I will vote for Trump no matter what. This is my choice and only mine.
Your choice is ruining our country. YOU should be ashamed of yourself.
Julie Shame. On. You.
What’s does being the mom of 6 kids have anything to do with this? Is she supposed to be a demure housewife who doesn’t speak up about about the things that matter most and have grave effects on the world her children are growing up in? As a mom, this is offensive.
She’s not taking away your choice. I have no tolerance for people who turn shame and hysteria into weapons. It’s one of Trump’s tricks and it’s pathetic.
It’s time to WAKE UP.
Julie, get out of here. Nobody wants you here. Better yet, get out of our country.
You are so miserable guys, u can’t even see this. That why Trump will win
[Edited to remove absolute nonsense.]
Why?
Hey Julie. You are right. It is your choice – for now. But if you willingly choose to ignore the federal LAWS that Trump and his sycophants gleefully break everyday then one day you might not have that choice. (I am assuming you aren’t making the connection between Trump’s actions and those of dictators who have gone before him.) Will you be upset then? When your “right” to vote has been taken away?
Or what if you knew your vote was illegally not counted? Or if your representatives had made your vote worthless by the way they gerrymandered your district? Would you be upset then?
Wake up! This is real and it is happening. Now. It is happening NOW.
You are the one who should be ashamed of herself for not being able to see the forest for the trees and for bringing up Gabby’s kids. Don’t bring Gabby’s mothering into this. She is doing an honorable and brave thing by standing up for what she believes to be morally and ethically good. That is a wonderful example for her children. Shame, shame, shame on you!
A difficult sermon, well delivered. Preach it from the roof tops.
It’s not *your choice and only yours*; Trump voters are holding the rest of the country and the entire planet hostage with his rollbacks on environmental policies alone, and that’s before you get into the lack of gun control, the racism, the anti-semitism, the Islamophobia, the transphobia, the police brutality, inhumane treatment of refugees, the erosion of faith in institutions, the absolute callousness and incompetence in the face of a pandemic, and more.
Here’s what you get to decide: who you vote for. What you don’t get to decide is what other people think of you for voting how you do. When you choose to wield your vote to oppress others, it’s *not* only your choice anymore. Your choice affects everyone else, because it’s GOP lawmakers and Trump enablers that are creating suffering right now for a wide swath of people right now. You don’t want anyone to call you out on how your actions affect others, because that hurts your feelings? Nearly 200,000 people in this country have died in the last six months that didn’t have to.
So maybe sit with that feeling of discomfort and think about what it means and what it says about *you*. People don’t like Trump voters because you’re making our lives actively worse, and delighting in it. You’re not entitled to be liked. Where you have a choice is in how you act, how you behave, how you vote – if you’re so worried about being liked, then stop voting for fascist tyrants. It’s an easy choice, frankly, and if you can’t make it, then the only person to blame for the discomfort you feel from being socially shunned is yourself.
Mel this is an awesome response. Well done and thank you.
Mel, such a great response. Thank you.
Mel, this is GREAT. Trump voters can get so insulted when they are thought of so poorly. The sense of outrage and entitlement of “I should be able to vote for whomever I like and people should still think of well of me” is such absolute bullshit. Who are the snowflakes in this case? Of course people have the right to vote for whomever they want, that is not the issue here. The issue is that the rest of us are not required to think Trump is fine and dandy to support, and to still respect those that choose to.
Perfectly said Mel!
I am so, so curious about something and if anyone can answer that would be great. The problems “we” have with Trump are listed loud and clear. How do Trump lovers explain thees problems away? The lady 2 houses down from me is PTA president, so nice and helpful, etc, etc, etc and has a Trump sticker in her yard. How do they reconcile all these issues and turn them into something palatable? That us libs just make this stuff up?
That police brutality doesn’t exist? That black people aren’t treated inhumanely? That the endless stories about Trump being a sexual predator are lies? That he and the Republican party are doing everything they can to make the rich richer? That it doesn’t matter that environmental protections be taken away? Or do they see all of that and like it? It seems there are 2 options…either they see it and like it or they just think it’s all “fake news”.
I had a friend that tried to turn this against by saying that Biden was a racist and pedophile, etc. They then went on to say that the economy is the best it has been in years and that is why they are voting with Trump. They believe that Biden is just as bad or worse? Then they use the excuse that the economy is better. I think that is how they reconcile their choice.
Your response gave me chills, Mel! I want to save it for future reference.
Go Trump 2020! You lefties are so miserable!
Amanda: you are on the wrong side of history-you’re pathetic.
If you like socialism, move to Venezuela. Go Trump 2020! Viva freedom.
This is exactly why no one likes Trump supporters …
Amanda, this comment reminds me of how when my nephew has a dirty diaper, sometimes he won’t let my sister change it and swears it isn’t dirty, but we can all smell it. The fact that you won’t admit you soiled yourself doesn’t make it not true. We smell the stench on you, and we’re not interested in playing with you unless you clean yourself up. And the person who has to sit in if you decide not to change is you.
LOVE THIS!! Such great imagery!
Well said!
I’m hardly a “lefty” – I’m fairly middle of the road – but I am pretty miserable right now, and a lot of it is Trump’s doing.
“You’re not entitled to be liked. Where you have a choice is in how you act, how you behave, how you vote – if you’re so worried about being liked, then stop voting for fascist tyrants.” This. 100 times.
I feel sorry for you that you feel that way. Life is all about choices and your choices feels like a miserable one .
Wow, caring about how my actions affects others seem miserable? Remembering that I live in a society where everyone deserves rights and working to make it reality seems miserable? Not thinking only of myself seems miserable? Believing that a president shouldn’t leave his citizens to die in a pandemic seems miserable? Knowing that I have a responsibility to younger generations not to destroy the planet seems miserable? Maybe it seems miserable for someone who isn’t interested in thinking or caring about anyone but herself. Life is easier when you don’t use your heart or your brain, but it’s empty. Don’t waste your time with pity or critical thinking; it might take away from your rigorous schedule of caring only about yourself.
A personal attack on something that is a distraction- how Trumpian! I hope you will take the read the replies to your comment. Wait, if you’re main takeaway from this article is that you should still vote for Trump, and insult Gabby—-did you even read this post?
Your “no matter what” is a terrifying statement and speaks to how completely crazy this whole thing is.
YUP! Exactly this. WHYYYYYY such a fanatical stance? And what on earth does having 6 kids have to do with anything?
Gabby told you she doesn’t make things for you, Julie. Slither back into your bubble and cast your damn ballot.
Trump absolutely knows his base is a cult. Julie herself confirms this by saying she ” will vote for Trump NO MATTER WHAT” !!!! Trump said himself in 2016 “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and not lose any voters”. Cult leaders are all about POWER…I cannot think of any cult leader in history who was not the most sordid or mentally twisted person themselves, usually leaving a string of physical or sexual abuse. Trump supporters cannot be swayed by appeals for decency or morality.
Julie—great, own that choice and the consequences. Let your friends and family know so they can also hold you to account when the tide turns against the kleptocratic kakistocracy. Also, Honor Gabrielle’s request and stop reading Design Mom.
YES to all of this! Thank you for being a voice of reason. Your rage threads are the best. I’m sure you’re getting grief right now because of this, thank you for not letting that stop you.
Yes to every single word. I have followed your for years (through many gorgeous hairstyles) and find inspiration in your perspective and design prowess. Thank you. I am in tears reading this, we’ve been so polite about Trump voters in our lives. Thank you for distilling so beautifully the boundaries that need to be set.
THANK YOU a million times!
Yes. You articulate this wonderfully.
This is the. literal. best. And expresses exactly how I’ve been feeling since 2015! Thank you!