Big Kid Birthday Parties
Photos and text by Gabrielle.
As I mentioned last week, Oscar’s birthday was on Saturday, and I thought it would be fun to give a little report. But more than the report, I have birthday parties on my mind and wanted to discuss them with you. I’m kind of worn out of them. Anyone else? I think it’s time for me to figure out a new strategy.
I’ve mentioned this before, so it may be familiar to you, but early in our growing-a-family stage, when I could see we were going to have a lot of kids, we put a sort-of “birthday party plan” in place. Certain birthday traditions would be consistent every year (breakfast in bed, putting up decorations, birthday cake with candles), family parties would be the default, and friend parties would be spaced out and would only happen at certain ages. I need to go review my notes, but I think we decided on ages 3, 5, 8, 12 and 16 for friend parties.
That worked pretty well for a long time. But in the last few years, we’ve had to switch things up. There are two main reasons. First, we’ve had some big moves. And depending on when the move happened, a friend party might not make sense. For example, we moved to Oakland a few weeks before Ralph turned 16. I always assumed we’d throw a big party when Ralph turned 16, but here we were, just moved to Oakland in the middle of the summer, and none of our kids had any local friends yet! So we made alternative plans. You may remember, we set up visits for film-loving Ralph at Lucas Studios and Pixar Studios. He felt celebrated, but a friend party just wasn’t in the works.
The second reason is that over the years, even though we’ve spread them out, I’ve started to lose patience with big friend parties. I’m not sure what it is. And I’m actually a bit conflicted about it. For many years, I really loved putting together a birthday party. The birthday kid would pick a theme, and I’d get to think of cute details and creative activites. It was always a fun thing to work on with my kids. You could see their imaginations going and see their eyes light up as they pictured the party. We never did big budget affairs, but it was fun and creative. And there was something like a high after throwing a good party.
But then something changed in my head, and it’s like I’m just craving a tiny gathering of friends, the simplest decor, old school games — like button, button who’s got the button — and a traditional cake. And for the finale, maybe we make hats out of newspaper (except we don’t even subscribe to a newspaper!). It’s like I’m picturing a Depression Era birthday party or something. I’m not sure what’s going on.
And this simpler vision? It’s not really real. Because I still love the planning part. I still love brainstorming with the kids on how to apply the theme to food or party games. My kids have amazing ideas! I still love the creativity of the whole thing.
I get really excited for them during the planning stages, and then I get progressively stressed out as we start to execute the plans. Picture me talking like an old codger, muttering about wasting time and money. Probably it’s me turning into an old, grouchy person. I’m not sure.
Is there anyone else yearning for really simple birthday parties? Is it a stage of life thing? Have I just maxed out my parenting creativity? My parenting energy? Or perhaps I’m just worn out this month in particular — January equals holiday stress followed by Alt Summit. Will I feel differently in March when our next birthdays come? Is it the age of the guests? Would I feel more excited planning a party for teenagers?
What’s your take? How do you handle birthday parties? Do you love them? Host them every year? Space them out? Avoid them altogether? I’d love to hear!
And, I really do have a little report on Oscar’s party. If you’re curious, feel free to keep reading.
… Living With Kids: Nina Hoderewski
By Gabrielle.
I’m very excited to introduce you to Nina and Moses. I think they are going to change your Tuesday.
This is not a tour that focuses on product sources or fabric recommendations. Instead, it’s the sort of home tour where you might find yourself envying the sunlight that sneaks across Moses’ room. You might feel a pang of gratitude you’ve got a partner in parenting. You might even want to tell a well-intentioned stranger to keep his opinions to himself and stop bothering Nina, for goodness sake. Loudly, even. You may leave this tour feeling a little lost and yet a lot found, if that’s even possible. I did.
All this to tell you I hope you’re as moved by Nina as I am. Happy Tour Tuesday, Friends.
My name is Nina. I’m a single mother of a little boy named Moses.
It’s funny how that is always how I describe myself now, as a mother first and foremost. Growing up, people always asked what I wanted to be and I never knew the answer because, well, I wanted to be everything.
Now I work full time at a desk. and I still don’t consider it my career though the people I work for are good to me and I don’t see myself going anywhere for a while. I work for a towing company, of all places. I was basically a professional bartender and I wanted to branch out, and one of my regulars told me he could hire me at his office and I could learn how to dispatch. I did that part-time for a short time but ended up moving up to administrative assistant and now I do some HR work.
It’s a lot of paperwork in an industry I never really pictured myself being in, but it’s a great learning experience and, sometimes, a great practice in patience. I suppose though, first and foremost, I am a mother. Of a little boy. And we like to adventure.
I live in eastern Pennsylvania. It’s called the Lehigh Valley, made up of a bunch of little towns.
I always thought I hated it here when I was younger, but as I age I really love it. We are an hour from Philadelphia, two from New York City.
It can be urban in some areas and suburban in others, but there are these little pockets of wonderful restaurants and theater experiences you can find, and then these little neighborhoods full of people who are insanely close and have known each other forever, and then you drive north and all of a sudden you are in the mountains, or farm land, and even right outside of my neighborhood.
You can go one direction and find yourself in a little city or go the other and be in rolling hills.
… DIY: Lacy Punched Paper Votives
By Gabrielle. Photos by Amy Christie for Design Mom.
I was brainstorming DIYs for this month with Amy Christie, and she brought up craft paper punches. And I basically responded, “Paper punches? I think I have like five. I used them to punch the edge of some stationery once, and now they’re just collecting dust.” And Amy told me she was about to blow my mind, because she’s been playing with hers and figured out how to really maximize their possibilities. To which I replied, “Bring on the DIY!”
So think of this as a double DIY. Yes, you’ll learn how to make pretty votives, but even more awesome: you’ll learn a whole bunch of new tricks that you can do with your paper punches.
And dang I love stuff like that! I love making the most of tools I already have, and re-thinking how I might use them.
If you are the proud owner of paper punches, then this tutorial is especially for you.
… Living With Kids: Brittany Hayes
By Gabrielle.
It may be said without hesitation that Brittany Hayes has never met a pattern or a color that she didn’t completely and utterly adore. And whether it’s a burst of golden Dahlias plastering a bedroom wall, a shot of turquoise up high on a top shelf, or Ikats mingling with Suzanis, every one of them gets along picture-perfectly. You’ll see!
You might remember Brittany from her episode of Shark Tank. She has a few interesting bits to tell us about that whole process, plus what’s next up for her and her sweet family. I really hope they bring these bluesy stairs with them! (And please ignore the watermarks on the photos! Brittany began adding them to every photo when someone she didn’t know started Facebook and Instagram accounts claiming her home as their own. Oh my!)
Please join me in welcoming Brittany! Our very first tour guide of 2016!
Hello there! My name is Brittany Hayes, and I am a 34-year-old wife, mommy, blogger, and daughter of God. I am the proud mommy of two beautiful girlies: Addison is eight and Winter is three.
My husband and I are middle school sweethearts and have been together for 20 years in February! We started our business at age 20 and worked off our booties off every day since!
… Resolutions
Photo and text by Gabrielle.
Oh my. It’s late Monday night and I’ve been trying to post all day long. Getting back on schedule is rough! But before I head to bed, I wanted to check in and talk resolutions for a minute.
First of all, do you even call them resolutions? Do you prefer calling them goals? Wishes? Hopes? Dreams? Do you choose a word for the year? A theme? A mantra?
Do you find this sort of New Year thinking stressful or silly and skip it altogether?
Do you have a system? Maybe you read last year’s goals and evaluate how you did? Are you semi-scientific about it like Gretchen Rubin and her Happiness Project?
Me? I’m a fan of resolutions, though mine are more like goals. I really like setting some time aside to think about the upcoming year. I try to picture it — what I might accomplish, how my life might look different at the end of next December. Where do I want to go this year? Who will I see? What projects will I finish? What projects will I start? Do I have any big milestones coming up? I like being intentional about my life. Surprises still happen, flexibility is still required, but I like how to feels to have a plan in place.
Sometimes I lean toward more practical goals, but this year, I want to be really ambitious with my goal-making. I want to include ideas that I don’t think I can even pretend to accomplish. You know that quote about aiming high? “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” That’s the sort of thinking I want to encourage in myself (and others!) in 2016.
It seems like most years, I take time during the Christmas break to think about my resolutions, but this time, the break was jam-packed. There wasn’t much in the way of alone time. If I’m being honest, I feel a little thrown off that I started back to my regular schedule today without having my New Year goals settled. And if I’m being even more honest, I don’t want to admit that because I’m afraid I’ll jinx 2016.
But then again, I don’t really believe in jinxing, so hopefully the year can still be saved. It would be a shame to give up on 2016 on January 4th. : )
How about you? Raise your hand if you’re making resolutions this year! Have you made them already? Anyone else feeling a bit behind today? Any goals you are particularly excited about? Please share! I can definitely use the inspiration. And if you’ve decided New Year’s Resolutions are not for you, I want to hear that story too!
P.S. — Yesterday I had one of those awful/wonderful parenting moments. Little June, 5-and-a-half-years-old, proudly discovered her first loose tooth! She could not have been more excited as she announced her “loofe toofe” with wide eyes (pronounced loofe toofe because her tongue is wiggling the tooth while she tries to talk). And her excitement was totally infectious. She had everyone in the house give it a wiggle, and that got everyone sharing their own loose tooth memories. (It’s the bottom center left tooth, if you’re curious.) June was so amazed!
After sharing in her joy, I had to turn away as my eyes filled with tears. Oh dear. If there was ever proof that my little ones are all grown up, it’s the first loose tooth of the last child! What an emotional roller coaster in the span of 60 seconds. So much joy for her joy. So much heartbreak as I see the baby stage get farther and farther away. And then it’s back to joy as I realize that I have been able to experience the first wiggly tooth of six different children! Dang I’m a lucky duck. Living With Kids: Amelia Hahnke
By Gabrielle.
I don’t know how to best describe Amelia. She is someone utterly smitten with her life — contagiously so! — and seems completely uninterested in trading her everyday for anything else out there. Some might call her authentic, but I honestly find that term a bit redundant.
I think I prefer content.
I hope you enjoy this breath of fresh, happy air as we all wind down a bit before the holidays. Welcome, Amelia! I’m so glad you’re here.
Well, I’m Amelia, a wife and mom and occasional blogger. My husband Ryan is a structural engineer with a 9-to-5 job, but I’m fairly certain that deep down he wants to be a carpenter. He’s a man of many talents, one of them being that I can show him a picture of something and ask “Build that for me?” and most of the time he can. He’s quiet and kind and patient and hilarious, and very, very good to me.
Our son, Ralph, is a grown man stuck in a three-year-old’s body. Ralph wants so much to be big. On the morning of the first snow this winter, after I’d bundled him and let him out the door, he grabbed his shovel and immediately started clearing the driveway like his dad. All work and no play for Ralph, and that’s the way he likes it. He loves to help with whatever tasks we’re doing, which is sweet and sometimes maddening, because he truly believes he can do it. He once pried a doorframe almost completely off the wall with his little toy tools after spending some time with Ryan in the workshop. There are dents from his hammer all over the house.
Ada, our girl, is five months old. She’s officially grown out of the hazy, sleepy baby stage, and we’re finally starting to see glimpses of her personality. She’s bright-eyed and curious, and quick to smile at anyone who looks her way, a trait I really love about her. I wonder a lot if she’ll always be so cheerful and friendly. I kind of hope so.
We bought our home three years ago from a sweet elderly woman who raised a family in it. When we originally started looking at houses my husband wanted to find something far out in the country, but I was pregnant with Ralph and afraid I’d get lonely out there — just me, a newborn, and some cows and cornfields.
We found a cute house in the suburbs, just a few blocks from my sister, and I was sold. I love living so close to her and her family, and knowing that if I accidentally lock myself out or need a quick babysitter, she’s right there.
Ralph adores his cousins and loves being able to drive past their house regularly or walk over on a nice day.
… Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String
By Gabrielle. Photos by Amy Christie for Design Mom.
I’m in love with this post! It’s not really a how-to or a DIY post. Instead, it’s designed to inspire and spark ideas. It’s all about how to embellish simple brown wrapping paper, and it’s chock full of examples.
Even if you don’t have any of the add-ons featured in the photos, you probably have something similar. Raid the junk drawer and the craft cupboard. Scour your yard and the recycling bin. There’s a good chance you’ve already got everything you need to wrap your gifts up gorgeously this year.
Ribbons, paints, jingle bells, pom poms — dressing up the wrapped gift is almost as fun as giving it in the first place! Let’s get wrapping. This is going to be fun!
… A Collection of Random Thoughts
Photo and text by Gabrielle. We saw the Live Nativity on Friday. Here’s the schedule if you want to check out it. There are a ton of Christmas events at Temple Hill — music, lights, etc. And it’s all free.
Here’s December’s installment of random thoughts just for you. Feel free to share your own random thoughts in the comments!
1) Some of the seminary students that come to our house in the mornings brought us a package of Abuelita. Have you tried it? It’s these hard disks of chocolate that you dissolve in hot milk or water to make hot cocoa. I mentioned this in the comments on the Hot Cocoa Bar post, but wanted to mention it here (because I know not everyone reads the comments), also, because I’m a little bit obsessed. It’s made by Nestlé and I can find it at my regular grocery store, so it’s nothing too out of the ordinary, but I had never heard of it until a couple of months ago.
Fun fact: my favorite hot cocoa mix in France was also made by Nestlé. Apparently they have my number as far as hot cocoa goes. Hah!
2) I’m thinking of sickness and the holidays. Little June has had a cold. She stayed home from church on Sunday and missed school on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing serious — she’s back in school today. But I can see the whole family is on the edge of it. Scratchy throats, sniffles. Life gets so busy and intense in December. We don’t end up getting enough sleep, and we eat too much junk. I feel like we’re all holding on, trying our best to stay healthy before the holiday hits. Because being sick on Christmas is the worst!
One of my early memories is Christmas at age 5. We had recently moved from California to St. George, Utah and I was super sick that year. I remember being on my parents bed and hearing everyone celebrating in the family room, and being too sick to join in. Poor little 5-year-old me.
Last year, we all made it through Christmas Day feeling healthy. But between Christmas and New Year’s we had a family retreat up in Russian River and we all got sick. But it turned out okay because the only thing on our schedule was watching movies anyway. : )
All that to say, I hope all of you reading are feeling strong and healthy!
3) Ben Blair wrote a series of 12 Advent Meditations, and he has been sharing them on his Facebook page. Today is day twelve. I’ve really enjoyed them and they’ve prompted good discussions in the comments. The posts aren’t public, but if you’d like to read them, you can ping him on Facebook and I’m sure he’ll share with you.
4) I had a huge wassail craving this week, and we made a big batch on Monday. I make it every December, though some years, it’s only for our Christmas Eve celebrations. For a decade or so, I followed my mother’s recipe, but these days I just wing it. I start with a carton of apple juice, then squeeze in the juice and pulp of 2 or 3 oranges and one lemon. Then I add wintery spices — cinnamon sticks, whole cloves, allspice, etc., and let the whole thing simmer. Do you ever make wassail? What’s your version like?
5) My mom is coming this Friday, and staying through the weekend! It’s a last minute trip and we’re so glad we get to see her before Christmas. It should be lots of fun. We’re all headed to the new Star Wars movie on Friday night (are there any lucky ducks going on Thursday?!), and there are good family events she’ll get attend, like Maude’s Cross Country team banquet.
6) Three of my kids are reading or re-reading all the Harry Potter books. Betty, Oscar and Olive. I can’t tell you how fun it is to see them on the sofa, curled up with the books and caught up in the adventure. Olive is on book 7, so she’s almost done. Oscar is on book 5 (Umbridge is the worst!!), Betty is on book 4. Our life right now is peppered with lots of Harry Potter discussions.
7) Probably the biggest thing on my mind: last month, just before Thanksgiving, we bought plane tickets for France!! Oh my goodness. I can’t tell you how excited I am. Ralph, Olive and Ben Blair have all been back to France since we moved, but the rest of us have not. We can not wait for this trip!! I feel like we all get a twinkle in our eye whenever we talk about it.
We’re going to spend the summer there. We head out on June 20th and return on August 20th. We’ve never bought tickets this far in advance — it’s hard to commit this far ahead, knowing we’ll miss some summer plans that come up. But on the other hand, it’s really nice to know it’s officially on the calendar so that we can plan around it. And the best part is that we got a total deal on tickets since we bought them so far ahead.
All of the kids passports expire soon, so the next step is getting photos for renewals. Woo hoo!
8) On Monday I turned forty-one-and-a-half. I didn’t feel much physical change at 40, but I have felt some since I turned 41. I won’t talk much about it now, but it’s on my mind and I want to write a post on this. I feel like I age in spurts. Like I look the same for years and then suddenly age over a weekend. Forty-one seems to one of my aging spurts. More on that later.
I think that’s it for today. Please feel free to respond to anything here, or bring up your own topic. I always love hearing what’s on your minds!
P.S. — I post my random thoughts each month. You can find them all here. Living With Kids: Mary Boyden
By Gabrielle.
All you really need to know about Mary is that there is a doodle wall in her daughters’ bedroom, a room also known as a kid’s version of Heaven. In fact, the entire house is an explosion of color and happy self-expression and a whole lot of whimsy. And that’s in addition to her daughter named Whimsy!
I am so pleased to show you this one-of-a-kind, out of the ordinary, shared with two friends, no wall left un-art-bombed home. It really is a feast for your senses, and will leave you craving a date with a paint brush and your littlest pal.
Welcome, Mary! I’m so glad you’re here!
Hi, everyone! I’m Mary and this is my home. My husband, our two daughters — Whimsy, who is two, and Glory, who is three months old – and our two childhood best friends, Austin and Michelle, all live in this home together.
We live in Portland, Oregon. When my husband and I got married in Texas, I asked him to take me somewhere cold and rainy, so we adventured to Portland!
… Simple Hacks to Help Morning Dawdlers
We’ve reached the point in the school year, where it’s harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. It’s dark and chilly outside. It’s warm and cozy in bed. Everyone wants to sleep in just 10 more minutes. Including me. And of course, that “just 10 more minutes” somehow turns into 30 more often than it should.
On that topic, I thought I’d share simple tricks and tips that help things run a little smoother at the start of the day. At our house, when it’s one of those days where the kids are dragging their feet, I have a few tricks that help them stay on track and get us all out the door a little faster.
The first idea is something you can customize for your own family. At our house, we have a simple question/chant/verbal checklist that each of the younger kids gets asked a couple of times during morning prep. Sometimes it’s Hands-Teeth-Hair? Other times it’s Hands-Teeth-Hair!! As in wash your hands, brush your teeth, and do your hair.
What we’ve found is that making the morning routine feel simple (even if it’s not) is key. There are a lot of things your kids might be asked to do in the morning. Get dressed, do their hair, eat breakfast, make their bed, make their lunch, pack their backpack, brush their teeth, maybe they have a household chore like emptying the dishwasher, or maybe they have to fit in music practice. The list can get overwhelming! Especially for young kids. And it can end up feeling like the mornings are just this everlasting session of nagging. Which nobody wants.
Our kids happen to be quick to do some things — like getting dressed and making their lunches. But other things, like washing their hands, brushing their teeth and doing their hair, can get pushed to the last possible minute. So we made a little chant, or verbal checklist, focused only on those 3 things.
At your house, depending on your kids habits, you might say, “bed, breakfast, lunch” — as in make your bed, eat your breakfast, pack your lunch. Or you might say, “sneakers, trash, backpack” — as in put on your sneakers, take out the trash, and find your backpack. Of course, the kids will still need to brush their teeth or eat their breakfast, even if it’s not part of the verbal checklist — the checklist just helps them complete the tasks that might not get done otherwise.
We’ve found that keeping it simple in the morning so that the list of tasks doesn’t seem too long has been really helpful. The kids know the “hands-teeth-hair” question/reminder is coming, and they do their best to get all 3 finished right away so that they can answer, “Done!” when we ask.
We’ve also come up with some simple hacks to make each of those three tasks — hands, teeth, hair — go a bit faster for our kids. For hands, what works best at our house is to move the soap to the front edge of the counter and set the hand towel right next to it. Why does this matter? Because soap typically lives at the back of the sink, next to the faucet handles. And that’s a perfectly good place for it to live, until you’re dealing with a toddler or preschooler. They often can’t reach the soap. Even when they’re standing on a stool. And if the hand towel is hanging on the wall next to the sink, they probably can’t reach it either.
So as you walk by the bathroom, bring the soap forward, and set the towel down next to it. Make it easy. Those movements will take you seconds, but they take a young child much longer — even minutes. It’s a little thing, but it speeds up the overall morning routine.
For teeth, try this: while kids are eating breakfast or getting dressed, set out their toothbrushes and add the toothpaste to the brushes yourself, so that by the time they arrive at the bathroom, their toothbrush is ready and waiting for them. No toothpaste tube to squeeze, no caps to fiddle with.
Putting on toothpaste can be a tricky thing for little ones, so having it ready for them can make the whole process go considerably faster. The bonus part of this tip, is that it’s also easy to see at a glance if one of your kids hasn’t brushed their teeth yet, because the toothpaste will still be on their brush. : )
For hair, we’ve found the key is having lots of brushes. We used to have what I thought was a pretty normal amount of hair brushes for the kids: two. But it turn out that only having two brushes ends up causing a lot of drama in the mornings. Because at our house, hair brushes migrate. A hair brush might find itself in the family room, while someone brushes their hair and watches a movie at the same time. Or a hair brush might move to the dress-up bin, if someone needs a princess hairstyle to go with their afternoon costume. Or a hairbrush might end up in a back pack, destined for some unknown purpose at school.
These are all good reasons for brush migration, but the result was that a hurried morning would come, and one of our daughters would reach for a hairbrush, and there would be none in the drawer. This would trigger frustration, a panic-ed brush hunt around the house, some blaming of fellow siblings, and good dose of yelling just because.
So, we upped the amount of inexpensive hairbrushes by a bunch. We now have 6 to 8 at any given moment in the kids’ hairbrush drawer, and the result? We haven’t had a stressful “where in the world is my hairbrush?!!!!” moment in ages. No matter how busy the morning, there is always a hairbrush right at hand.
How about you? What have you tried lately to improve your morning routine? What slows you down the most? Do you have any tricks or tips that have worked for you?
P.S. — As I write this down, it occurs to me that Oscar and Betty could use an updated little chant, though “hands-teeth-hair’ is still the right focus for our youngest, June! DIY: Stamped Wrapping Paper
By Gabrielle. Photos by Amy Christie for Design Mom.
Oh my goodness. Amy Christie texted me a photo of some stamped wrapping paper she was working on and I fell in love! I immediately begged her to share it on Design Mom. It looks so dang cool — that perfect combination of handmade and chic — and it’s made using pretty much the easiest (and kid-friendliest!) technique in the world: stamping.
Even better, the simple “stamps” are made from bits of cardboard! There’s probably some sitting in your recycling bin right this minute.
Here’s what Amy says:
As you can imagine, I love when things look handmade which means I love the look of hand-stamped wrapping paper. It looks a little more rustic and imperfect and it feels like it means just a little more because someone spent time on it. (This is not to say I don’t love store-bought wrapping paper. There is some gorgeous stuff out there!) At least once a Christmas season, I try to make a few versions of hand-stamped wrapping paper. I don’t always use it all each season so I have a small collection of paper I’ve stamped. I’ll be honest — some of it I’m finding it hard to part with. Haha!
This time, when I went to my craft cupboard to make some stamped wrapping paper, I didn’t have the supplies I thought I did so I improvised. And they turned out great! Just proves you don’t need lots of fancy supplies to make cool things.
Stamped wrapping paper is a great project for everyone in your family. It’s a basic process — covering the stamp in paint and pressing it on paper — and there is no stress to make it perfect. Irregular prints and patterns just make the paper more interesting. If children are joining in, think about protecting the work surface with paper, and the ground below (just in case). Then let them stamp. It will be enjoyable for all!
Roll up your sleeves and let’s get started!
… Living With Kids: Alix Adams
By Gabrielle.
There’s a lot to like about Alix. She’s honest and direct, and seems to live life head-on and happily. Also, she shares my personal views on baby-proofing, not to mention blogging. (I, too, have met some of my best friends through this space. Very cool!)
Also? She shares sweet photos like the one above from a Fall photo shoot with Sam from Pierson Photo Company.
See what I mean? Likable. Welcome, Alix!
Hello there. I am Alix Adams and I like lots of things. The things I like most are my husband Clint, my son Liam, and my daughter Charlotte. We also have a dog, Jada, who cleans up all food spills, and with a one-year-old and three-year-old that is a lot of spills on the daily.
Together, we all like to watch movies. Liam prefers that the movies come with a side of ‘snuggling, please.’ Charlotte like marching around the house reprimanding everyone, shaking her finger, and declaring us all ‘naughty, naughty, naughty!’ She probably likes breastfeeding the most, though.
By myself, I like to read books; my favorites are Harry Potter, The Giver, and anything David Sedaris. I also like really beautiful cinema — Joe Wright and Wes Anderson make me all mushy — but would settle for a laugh-out-loud slapstick comedy any day. I’m talking to you, Will Ferrell.
… Host a Hot Cocoa Bar!
During the last holiday season, we got it into our heads that we wanted to invite a whole bunch of families over for dinner. Not all at once like a holiday party — we wanted to have them over one family at a time. We liked the idea of getting to hang out and talk with one family, a real chance to get to know them better. But we quickly realized, we couldn’t make dinners work. It was a combination of holiday over-scheduling and feeling like a whole bunch of dinner parties in one month was too much pressure.
So we came up with an alternative plan. We stocked our pantry with supplies, and then whenever we had a spare evening, we would make a last minute phone call or send an email and invite a family over for a Hot Cocoa Bar. Essentially: Hey, can you guys come over after dinner for hot cocoa?
This worked beautifully! Since it was last-minute and spontaneous, it took all the social pressure off. I don’t know if I can articulate why it worked so well, but this is what we loved:
It was easy on relationships. There were no invitations to send and no rsvp-ing. If the first family we called couldn’t make it, no stress, we would try them on a future date, and call another another family instead. Because it was casual and we didn’t know when it was going to happen or how often, we didn’t make a list of invitees and worry that someone would feel left out.
It was easy on prep. Something about it being last-minute made it easy for me to feel like the house was presentable enough — meaning I didn’t stress about deep-cleaning. And while a dinner party involves a lot of preparation and cleanup, a hot cocoa bar doesn’t. You can stock up once and be ready for a dozen parties. No party favors needed.
It was easy on schedules. A hot cocoa bar doesn’t have to take long, so sometimes friends would stay an hour, other times, they’d stay late into the night (age of kids and bedtimes was a big factor). It wasn’t on anyone’s calendar, including ours, so there was no thinking about what to wear or coming up with hostess gift or wondering if you’d be in the mood for the party. It was last minute and spontaneous — which means we didn’t make the call and extend the invitation unless we really wanted to, and our guests didn’t say yes unless they really wanted to (last minute things are easy to say no to). So no one was stuck at an event they didn’t want to be at.
In case you’d like to try hosting your own Hot Cocoa Bar this year, here are my tips:
1) Stock your pantry. Find a good classic hot cocoa mix or recipe — nothing particularly flavored— and keep the mix or ingredients stocked. Keep extra milk in the fridge and whipped cream too.
2) Check your cupboards. Think about what you’ll serve the hot cocoa in. Maybe you have holiday mugs that you pull out every December. Or maybe you’ll mix and match your everyday mugs. See what you’ve got on hand — if it can handle hot liquid, you’re good to go.
Your basic checklist is mugs, spoons, and napkins. You can put out your favorite red tablecloth too.
3) Upgrade it from Hot Cocoa to a Hot Cocoa Bar, by setting out mixins and stirrers in bowls. Things we like:
– candy canes — they add peppermint flavor and are good for stirring
– cinnamon sticks, for the same reasons
– marshmallows, little or big
– baking chips — milk chocolate, butterscotch, white chocolate, mint, etc.
– short bread cookies for dipping
You could even try an Italian syrup, or go really decadent and have chocolate bars to melt in your mug. Remember that quote from The Polar Express? “We drank hot cocoa as thick and rich as melted chocolate bars.”
I should note, we have never served all of these mix-in options at once. Having 2 or 3 things to customize your cocoa is plenty to make the whole thing feel extra special. And happily, you can stock up on any or all of this so that you don’t have to run to the store at the last minute.
4) Keep a pot of hot cocoa warming on the stove. When guests arrive, let people serve themselves and add their preferred mix-ins. Then hang out. Sing Christmas Carols. Go on a neighborhood walk to look at lights. Admire your holiday decorations. Read a chapter from The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. Do whatever it is you do!
And that’s it. Easy as pie. A simple casual gathering that will last an hour or two (or longer if everyone is into it!). An easy, happy way to connect with the people you love over the holidays. No stress involved.
Now it’s your turn. How do you feel about entertaining during the holidays? Do you host an annual Christmas party? Maybe something fancy? For about 10 years in a row, we hosted an annual Christmas Recital, and I loved it! Or maybe you prefer something more humorous — like a crazy holiday sweater party? Have you ever gone to a cookie exchange party? Or maybe you dread holiday entertaining altogether. Would a hot cocoa bar gathering sound fun to you? I’d love to hear your holiday entertaining stories!
P.S. — I picked out a whole bunch of gorgeous holiday wares from Crate & Barrel for these photos.Photos by Kristen Loken for Design Mom.
Living With Kids: Bethany Dufilho
By Gabrielle.
Do you have a friend who encourages you to be the happiest possible version of yourself? One who sees the wonderful in everyone, and then goes one step beyond to gratefully acknowledge all the wonderful? Maybe she’s an interior decorator, too, who doesn’t believe that a dream home has anything to do with the number of rooms or the number of zeros in the price tag, or even the delicious color scheme that’s the current rage on Pinterest. Perhaps, instead, she thinks the life you and yours live inside the home is the dreamiest part of all.
If you’ve got a friend like this, you are a lucky one! But no worries if you don’t, because I’ve found one for us all. Her name is Bethany. You’re going to want to keep her.
Hey! I’m Bethany. My husband, Paul, and I have been married for 11 years, and we have three kids.
I’m a stay at home mom and part time interior decorator. Paul is a cinematographer and photographer for an oilfield equipment company. He’s the one who actually took all these photos of our home that you’re seeing. I do the decorating and styling, and then he makes it look great in photos. Truthfully, he’s the one who has really encouraged me to pursue my art and to follow this path I’m on! More on that later…
Our oldest son, Charlie, in the second grade, is a Minecraft and Lego wiz. He’s a quiet but funny guy that loves reading and writing and as the oldest, he is constantly challenging our parenting. Paul and I often look at each other in a panic because who really knows what they’re doing here? By the grace of God, Charlie manages to still be a great kid despite our many parenting fumbles.
Our middle daughter, Norah, is a firecracker who loves dancing, coloring, and fashion. When I found out I was having a girl, I think I was so excited to have this little doll to dress up and give her the girly room that I wanted to decorate. She quickly showed me that she’s her own person with her own opinions about things, which I think was a lesson I needed to learn early on. Around age two she fought me on every single outfit I picked out, and now at age five she dresses herself completely. It’s a battle I had to give up early on and I’m so thankful I did. She’s got a creative spark and I would never want to quench that.
… Living With Kids: Amy Van Zee
By Gabrielle.
Oftentimes, the first batch of photographs I receive for a home tour are what I call realtor photos: pristine glimpses of a perfectly kept home in shades of spotless and sunlight, and I usually want to buy it right then and there! But then the homeowner and I chat a little more, and gradually a stream of shots showing exactly how the family is living with their children starts to make its way into the tour.
With Amy, there was no such hesitation or getting-to-know-you period! Nope! She lives and decorates happily among the Cozy Coupe and toys and hustle and bustle of two little girls, and her photos show it. Happily.
You’ll love the story of when exactly she discovered her design preferences, and maybe you’ll even gain some encouragement from the DIY projects featured on her blog! Either way, I know you’re going to smile through this one. Welcome, Amy!
Hi everyone! My name is Amy, and I live in this house with my husband, Ben, and our two young girls. Ben is as wonderful and hardworking as they come. He runs his own business and is one of the most responsible and levelheaded people you could ever imagine. He is a very faithful and loyal man. He also loves technology and serves as unofficial tech support for our family and friends.
My work background is in publishing, and my favorite fiction writer is F. Scott Fitzgerald. I could (and do) read his stories over and over. Now, I get to stay home with my girls and do the occasional bit of freelance publishing work from home.
Our older daughter, Jane, is three. When she was younger, people used to comment on her dark, expressive eyebrows and her many words. Oh, her words! It seems like she was talking from the day she was born. Jane has an incredible memory and a very creative mind for make-believe. She will stop in her tracks to listen if a book is being read in her vicinity.
Kate is 18 months and learning new words every day! In some curious ways, she shows her independence. When we read, she squirms out of my lap because she prefers to sit next to me. Kate’s hair has a beautiful tinge of red to it, which people comment on but I’m not so sure from where it comes. It seems to match her personality, though — she’s got some big feelings, and I do know where those come from. (Hint: It’s not Ben!)
… A Collection of Random Thoughts
Photo and text by Gabrielle.
Today, I’ve got another installment of random thoughts just for you. Feel free to share your own random thoughts in the comments!
1) Happy Veteran’s Day!
I’m feeling such gratitude to the Veterans in my life. I’m thinking of my brother-in-laws Paul Rodgers and Daniel Madsen. I’m thinking of my Grandpa Pack and Grandpa Stanley who both served in WWII. And I’m thinking of all the amazing people that have been willing to give their time, and in too many cases, their lives, to defend this country.
Are you thinking of anyone in particular today? Will you get the chance to visit a military cemetery or perhaps a veteran’s hospital? Have you found a good way to mark this day, or help your kids understand its significance? I always love your ideas!
2) Since Thursday night, I have been preoccupied with news that my church has a new troubling policy. I have probably spent a hundred hours at this point talking to people about it. I’d like to tell you I’ve been totally gracious in my discussions, but if I’m honest, among the civil conversations I’ve had, I’ve also done a good deal of shouting at the internet. Sigh. It’s definitely an emotionally charged subject. I’ve been writing all over the place, but you can see most of my thoughts in the comments of this post.
I should note: If you have thoughts to share on this topic, I do want to listen to you and talk with you, but may not be able to respond today as I’m traveling.
3) Speaking of which, I’m on a quick field trip to L.A. today for some business meetings. Nothing dramatic — I’ll fill you in as soon as I can. It’s a short trip and I return home tomorrow night.
I really like Los Angeles. I was born in Southern California and spent my first 5 years there. And once we moved away, we still returned for visits several times a year. So there’s something about the area that always feels and smells familiar to me. I have lots of happy memories there.
Do you have strong feelings about Los Angeles? It seems like anytime it comes up in conversation, the city provokes a lot of love and hate. In comparison, I have almost never heard anyone express big dislike for New York City — they might complain about its challenges, but they adore it at the same time.
4) I am thinking about Alt Summit. We announced some big changes coming up. After January’s conference, we’re moving our flagship event to a new city! It’s a big deal to us and we’re excited about the change, but also feeling nostalgic about all the years we’ve had in Salt Lake City. I’m so happy we get one more conference there! I’m really looking forward to the January event. Are you coming?
When we made the announcement, we knew there would be people that wanted one more chance to experience Alt Summit in Salt Lake City, and we opened up a block of additional tickets. They are going fast, so if you want one, I hope you’ll grab it right away.
5) Our 3-day trip to Yosemite was so good for my soul. Time together with my whole family feels like the most precious resource I have at the moment. A resource that disappears too quickly! I loved every minute of the trip. Talking with everyone during the drive. Asking the kids to play DJ so we can hear what they’re listening to these days. Hearing them debate about the Oreos versus Trader Joe’s Joe Joe’s.
And of course, simply being in Yosemite. Each day, we would head into the park with zero plan. And then we’d park and explore whenever something caught our eye. We scramble on the boulders, play by the river, play catch in the meadows, watch the sunset on El Capitan. The weather was wonderful — enough chill to keep us in jackets and hats, but not so cold that the kids weren’t willing to dunk their heads in the river. Hah!
This was also the first time we had the chance to visit the Ahwahnee Lodge. The hotel was booked so we didn’t stay there, but we explored the public spaces and ate a big feast for lunch in their famous restaurant. Fun fact: We learned that the restaurant has a dress code for dinner. So if you’re planning a visit, you might want to pack something dressier than we did. : )
We really loved being there and we’re thinking about making reservations now for Thanksgiving 2016. A holiday at Yosemite sounds magical.
One more bonus about visiting in November is that the park is relatively empty. In the summer, visitors are required to use the park shuttles, but in November, we could drive and park quite easily. If you’d like to see, I shared a whole bunch of photos on Instagram and so did my kids.
6) We finally turned on the heat here in Oakland. If we lived anywhere but the Bay Area, that would probably be a sign of dread for me, but the weather here is so steady that it almost feels like a novelty. Maude made me hot cocoa with marshmallows last night, and it felt like the best treat ever. Sometimes I miss having true, decisive seasons, so it’s fun to have this drop in temperature. (Though when February comes around, I admit, I’m like, just kidding, California is best!)
7) I’m thinking about Ralph’s Court of Honor. I still haven’t start planning it and need to get myself in gear! I want to plan something really memorable and fun and satisfying for everyone involved, but I haven’t been to many Eagle Courts of Honor. Are there any particularly good ideas you’ve seen or heard of? Please share!
8) After a family party with cousins on Monday night, we were driving back from San Francisco and the topic of babysitting came up. I told Oscar and Betty that in just a few short years, they would probably get a chance to babysit their little cousin Edie.
June was understandably upset. She teared up. Would she get to babysit anyone? We told her that when she’s old enough to babysit, Ralph or Maude might be a parent, and she can babysit their kids. Obviously, we have no idea if and when our kids will become parents, but regardless, June was so excited!! You could see her little head calculating the future generations and trying to figure out who was going to babysit her own kids. It’s so satisfying and unbelievable to see your children start to comprehend past and future in a profound way. There are a whole lot of amazing things about being a parent, but watching your kids learn something right before your eyes is one of my favorite parts.
I think that’s it for today. Please feel free to respond to anything here, or bring up your own topic. I always love hearing what’s on your minds!
P.S. — I post my random thoughts each month. You can find them all here. Living With Kids: Lara Hyde
By Gabrielle.
It doesn’t surprise me Lara is an editor and writer; her interview reads like a story told by a lovely friend. The kind of friend who is honest about her “Is my home good enough?” concerns, as well as her wonderfully unique daughter’s journey through a world that is sometimes not so easy to navigate. (I almost choked on my laughter when I read Lara’s humorous description of her girl’s wardrobe style: Eminem meets Jersey Shore!)
In both cases, Lara seems like the type of person who shrugs off the worry, remembers what’s truly important in life, and moves on happily. She’s working hard on not caring so much what the rest of the world thinks.
Like I said: lovely. Welcome, Lara!
Hi, everyone. My name is Lara. I live here in beautiful Ancaster, Ontario, Canada, with my husband Rob. We have two daughters – Dace is eight and Violet is five – and a hyperactive Bernese Mountain Dog named Blue and our cat-with-a-mustache, Kasper.
I am a book editor and freelance writer. I primarily edit romance novels, which is lots of fun. They all have happily-ever-afters, so it is a very uplifting job. Rob works for Environment Canada in the Great Lakes division. He is the go-to guy for all matters related to Lake Superior, which means he travels up north from time to time and brings me back one-of-a-kind gifts like handmade moccasins, deer antlers and, once, a bookmark made out of a raccoon’s penis. That one was just disgusting, but it is part of why I love him so much. We both share the exact same sense of humor, which is a little quirky and weird. I laugh a lot, and I couldn’t imagine being married to someone who couldn’t bring that out in me.
Rob and I met in residence in first-year university. He had a chin-strap beard back then, and longish hair. We liked all the same British bands and I had never met anyone with whom I felt so comfortable. We both liked playing pranks. I got the chicken pox just before Christmas exams and he didn’t care; he still made out with me. It was meant to be.
We are so blessed to have two happy, sweet, healthy daughters. Dace is super smart, diligent, and sensitive. When she was a baby, she was colicky for the first four months. It was not an easy time. But ever since, she has been the easiest child. Dace loves babies and wishes we would have another one so she could take care of it — which is not happening, by the way. She also loves riddles and puzzles and books of interesting facts. Last year she blew the socks off all the teachers at her school talent show when she played a Johnny Cash song on the guitar and sang along. She wants to be singer/songwriter one day. Or a teacher. She is ethereal and, in some ways, an old soul.
Violet has always marched to her own drum. When she was in junior kindergarten, her teachers pulled me aside one day after school and told me that Violet had been changing her clothes when she got to school. I would send her off in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, and once she got there she would change into a sleeveless, white ribbed undershirt and cut-off jogging pants that she had hidden underneath. Mind you, this was in the middle of winter. That was the beginning of Violet starting to assert her own style, which I like to call “Eminem meets Jersey Shore.” Neither my husband nor I listen to much hip hop and we certainly don’t dress the part, so we have no idea how Violet came to identify with this style. It isn’t popular at her school. But she owns her look, and everyone knows Violet because of it. She’s always had great rhythm and taught herself to break dance. Sometimes she will bust out her moves at a festival and draw a small crowd, but she is shy and prefers to dance in private. She has been begging us for drums for a while, and we are going to get her a set.
When we went to Disney World last year, a lot of people assumed she was a boy, and that was back when she had long hair. She loves being mistaken for a boy. This past summer, she got her hair cut short and it looks great on her. Violet has an incredibly strong sense of self and I am so proud of her for being who she is.
Some people have asked me how I respond when she refuses to wear anything but boy clothes. I say I just let her be who she is. Last year, her teacher used her as an example in front of the class of someone who’s always nice to others. That brought tears to my eyes.
… Living With Kids: Celia Munoz
By Gabrielle. Photography by the very talented Lesley Colvin.
I always tell my homeowners who sweetly participate in a tour that I only need around 25 to 30 photos of their spaces. But this is one of those tours when I simply had to double that number. Plus ten. First, because Lesley Colvin shot this house. She is a brilliant photographer – here’s another gorgeous home she captured! — and has a knack for catching the spirit of the family among all the tables and couches and collections. And also because Celia Munoz has a home that will make you sigh and say things like “We need wallpaper, I think.” and “While you’re out, grab me a few gallons of white paint, will you?” and “A greenhouse will change our lives. Pick one of those up, too!” Hah!
However it happened, Celia and her husband ended up in the perfect-for-them home. Renovations will be underway in a few years, but everything is working well for now. It’s lovely when that happens, isn’t it?
So please help me welcome Celia warmly. She has loads to tell us about her home and company, and mostly about taking chances and becoming the person you really want to be. Even if that person is completely different than the one you thought you’d become! It’s inspiring stuff! Please enjoy it. Welcome, Celia!
Hello, everyone! I’m Celia. It’s so nice to be with you. A little about my life…
My husband and I met in London ten years ago at a dinner party, and ever since then we have not looked back. It was love at first sight, and despite coming from very different cultures — he is Dutch and I am Spanish — we quickly found we had so much in common and saw life in a very similar way.
For example, on our third date we asked each other how many children we wanted to have. We decided to write it on a piece of paper and exchange papers. When we opened the piece of paper, to our surprise, we had both written the number six! We stuck to the plan and we nearly got to six children!
We are now parents to five beautiful children: Flavia is seven, Lucas is six, Siena is five, Bosco is four, and Hugo is three. All of the children were born and raised in London, but they speak Spanish and Dutch fluently as these are the languages we speak at home.
We live in an incredibly pretty North London neighbourhood called Hampstead. There is so much history here; it is very British and very beautiful. Just before getting married, my husband and I decided to move from our flat in West London to an area that was a lot more family oriented. We wanted to be closer to a green space but also remain close to the centre of town. All of our friends lived in West London so it was a tough decision to make at the time — having no family then, our friends were everything — but we loved Hampstead so much that we were determined to find something, even if it meant buying something we could use as a base before finding something we really liked for the long term.
… I Don’t Like It When My Husband Buys Me Flowers
By Gabrielle. Photo by Amy Christie for Design Mom.
I already told you I don’t wear my wedding ring. And now, I have a further confession that will no doubt cement your thinking that I am the least romantic person in the world. Hah! Here it is: Though I always enjoy having fresh flowers in the house, I don’t like Ben Blair to give me flowers. At all. So much so, that a couple of years into our marriage, I asked him not to give me flowers from that point on (and we’ve been married 20 years).
Doesn’t that sound awful? But stay with me for a minute, because though it took me awhile to pinpoint what they are, I do have reasons. And happily, expressing my no-flower-request to Ben, didn’t even slightly ruffle his feathers. He totally understood. My reasons? The first one is simple. Money was especially tight when we were first married, and fresh flowers aren’t always inexpensive. If we were going to use some of our budget for flowers, I thought we should discuss it first, like we would discuss any non-essential purchase.
But the second reason is harder for me to articulate, because I’m not opposed to flowers as gifts in general at all. I give flowers as gifts often. And I’ve been sent flowers from friends and even clients, flowers that have brought great joy! So I’m really only not into flowers-as-a-gift from my husband.
I think it stems from when we were young and still learning how to be married, and I could see that when Ben Blair gave me flowers, it was about the gesture, not about the flowers themselves. He didn’t have strong opinions about the flower types or the colors, he’s not someone who puts importance on having fresh flowers in the house, he just wanted to do something sweet to show me he loved me. And in our limited experience, flowers were the thing that husbands were “supposed” to buy for wives.
That bothered me because I didn’t like the idea of him feeling pressure to keep up with a societal tradition that wasn’t particularly important to either of us. It was if he felt like he couldn’t be a good spouse and partner if he didn’t bring me flowers. Which of course, wasn’t true.
It’s not that I don’t want flowers in the house! I definitely want flowers in the house, but instead of wanting flowers because they are a symbol of love from my husband, I want flowers because I happen to enjoy beautiful flowers. Does that make sense? And it’s not that I don’t want my spouse to show me he loves me. I definitely do! And I should note here that Ben Blair found other ways to show he loved me. He has always been really good at making me feel loved.
There is a third reason, but it’s minor. I really enjoy shopping for fresh flowers, so if we’re going to include flowers in the budget, I want to help shop for them. : )
To sum up, I LOVE having fresh flowers in the house, but I prefer to buy them myself. Not because I am trying to make a statement, but because I don’t want my husband to feel pressure to buy them, and because I just really enjoy buying flowers.
That said, every once in awhile, Ben will wonder if he should be buying me flowers — he wonders if it’s good for the kids to see him do so. Will they be better partners to their future spouses if he models giving traditional romantic gifts? I get what he’s saying, but I’m not worried. I feel like our kids see us do kind things for each other daily — even if those kind things don’t involve traditional things like flowers, or chocolates or jewelry.
Okay, now I’m curious. What’s your take on fresh flowers? Do they ever make your shopping list? Or do they make the “unnecessary expense” list? I’ve had years where they were a regular weekly purchase, and other years where I hardly bought them at all. And what about flowers from your partner? Does anyone else feel like me and prefer to buy flowers yourself instead of receive them from your spouse, or am I on my own this time?
P.S. — I wonder if this is also related to the idea of love languages. I’m pretty sure gifts are not my love language. : ) Living With Kids: Lindsey McLean
By Gabrielle.
Have you ever dreamed about the life you’re not living? Believing that your days would be better if you moved into a bigger house and earned more money and had a huge basement and a yard big enough for a brand new dog?
Lindsey and her husband dreamed that dream, too. And the dream seemed so real and true that they relocated from a pretty perfect little life in Switzerland to a bigger everything life in Minnesota. Of course, you’re probably guessing how that turned out; bigger, really and truly, is not always better.
But their story doesn’t end in Minnesota! That’s the fabulous news! And this tour takes place far from it, in gorgeous Spokane. (Between us, I’m thinking their story somehow circles back to Switzerland. But we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?) Welcome, Lindsey!
Hi everyone! I’m Lindsey.
I met my husband, Joel, in Eugene when we were each on the heels of our study abroad experiences in college. I had studied abroad in Angers, France and had the most magical time. Joel had studied in Tübingen, Germany and fallen in love with it. When we met, it was at a party at his apartment. I wound up there because Joel’s roommate had invited some of my friends and I tagged along. Joel and his roommates had an amazing apartment and I gave myself a tour.
…