Living With Kids: Melisa Russo
By Gabrielle. Photos by Bentley Waters.
Some of you might remember Melisa from her days writing on The Lil Bee, a blog that was equal parts Sex and The City/New York style, as well as the diary of your best friend you’ve known for, like, ever. It was lovely, and so is she.
I asked if she would share her journey of living with her two daughters after a divorce, and she said yes. Please help me welcome Melisa, won’t you?
I’m Melisa and this is the home I share with my two daughters, Devon and Blake. Back in the day I wrote a blog called The Lil Bee, which was mostly about my two babies and other various interests. Those babies are now five and six (how?!) and are the girliest girls you’ve ever seen; everything is rainbows and pink all day and night and nobody leaves the house without at least six pieces of jewelry on at all times. I marvel at their big personalities and huge hearts, and feel lucky that I get to come along for the ride.
Sometimes I miss blogging, so I was excited when Gabby asked me to share a peek inside our world and, in particular, what life looks like post-divorce.
It’s been four years since we moved here and I can honestly say that it now feels like home. That took a while.
When we first moved in, all I was hoping for was a sense of calm and continuity. That this space has evolved into a place we look forward to spending time in is something I’m really proud of. Here’s a glimpse of what life looks like around here.
We live in a townhouse in the suburbs of New York City. I grew up in this area and moved to Manhattan after college. It never occurred to me that I would move back to the ‘burbs as an adult. Never! So when living in the city became unrealistic for several reasons — cost, outgrowing our space, planning a family — my ex and I moved with our dogs to a house up north.
… Living With Kids: Marjolaine Solaro
By Gabrielle.
Moving into a 200-plus year old home didn’t prompt Marjolaine to scour the shops for period-specific pieces and study traditional paint colors for months on end. Nope. She painted the whole thing white, added bright furniture and rainbow tiles as often as she could, and enlisted the help of her little ones in choosing bedroom wallpapers. I like her style.
Come see! Welcome, Marjolaine.
My name is Marjolaine Solaro, and I’m 37. I’m a French mum blogger and I write books about pregnancy, breastfeeding, and childhood. I’m also a freelancer who works with brands to help them in their relationships with bloggers.
I’m married to a wonderful man I met 15 years ago. At the time, we were both working at a local TV channel. He now runs his own business as a TV producer. Together, we have three joyful kids!
My eldest is a romantic blond boy who is eight. He loves gymnastics and he’s a quick learner, skipping a grade and curious about everything. My second one is a six year old sweet girl. She was born two months in advance so she is a fighter. She loves to wear what she wants and she’s the queen of the mix and match outfit! My last one is three and a half. She’s the funny one and she speaks a lot! She’s also passionate with gymnastics, like her big brother.
… Campus Tours: Any Advice?
By Gabrielle. Remember this photo? It’s Ben Blair and I on the day we graduated from college. I was very pregnant and Ralph was born a week or so later.
Okay, Friends. I need some advice. It’s our Spring Break this week and as I mentioned, we are heading out on a California campus tour tomorrow morning. The whole family is going, and we imagine the younger kids will get tired of campus visits pretty quickly, so we’re calling it a campus tour/ice cream tour. We’re hoping to visit 7 universities, and we’ll seek out the 7 best ice cream shops we can find. : ) We’ve also promised to work in lots of visits to the beach!
But back to the advice. The whole campus tour concept isn’t exactly new-to-me — I remember moving back East and realizing it was almost a rite of passage for many families. But it’s something I’ve never done before and I don’t know a single person from my hometown that went on campus visits or college tours. When I graduated from high school, it seems like 99% of my fellow university bound students went to the local college. And then there were a few of us who went north to Brigham Young University or University or Utah. Virtually no one left the state for school and I don’t remember anyone thinking very hard about where they would go to college.
I imagine that has changed now, but still, I’m left with very little personal experience in this area. The good news is that we’ve always liked exploring campuses with the kids and have done so wherever we’ve lived or visited, so we’re not complete novices. Usually, we walk around campus, and maybe visit the museum or the library. We check out the student center and peek in a classroom. We eat something at a university café or cafeteria. But that’s about it. We generally don’t have a specific goal other than hoping our kids will feel at home in a campus environment.
But this trip seems different. There’s more of a definite purpose to these visits. They feel weightier and less touristy. The whole thing is very exciting to us and we want to make the most of it! So I’ve got questions for you. First of all, did you get the chance to go to college? If yes, what was choosing a school like for you? Did most people in your area stick close to home? Did your parents take you on a college tour? Did you think long and hard about where you wanted to go?
Second, if you’ve done a multi-campus tour with your own kids, what did you find most helpful? Did you take an official guided tour at each stop, or wander on your own? How much time did you spend on campus? Did your kids’ area of study affect what they wanted to see on each campus? What if your child was undecided as far as a major goes? In addition to cost, what were the biggest factors that determined college choices for your kids: area of study? geography? dorms? social life? something else entirely? Is the visit mostly about getting a feel for the campus and helping your kids imagine themselves there? Did your kids end up picking a school from the tour, or did the choose a campus they hadn’t visited before?
If you were going again, what would you hope to get out of it? What other advice do you have for us? What questions should we be asking?
I’d love to hear your thoughts! I know some of you have kids that have just gone through similar experiences, and I know other readers are still in college and can remember their campus tours like it was yesterday (because it practically was!). I can’t wait to learn from all of you.
Happy Spring Break!
P.S. — Both of our oldest kids have been getting mailings from universities for years now. So many different schools! And more than half of them I haven’t even heard of. It’s no surprise to me that people often use geography to narrow the list of choices. It’s overwhelming! How Much Sleep Do You Get?
Photos and text by Gabrielle. This post is brought to you by Sleep Number®.
Have you ever been asked the ice-breaker question: If you never had to eat again, but could remain healthy, or you never had to sleep again, but could remain healthy, which one would you rather give up?
I remember the first time I was asked this, I shouted, “I would give up food!” before the question was even finished. I like food very much, but I LOVE sleep. I flat out adore it. I love the chance to turn my brain off, I love the clean slate, fresh start feeling in the morning, and I love knowing my body can focus on repairing itself while I sleep, because I’m not asking it to do anything else. I simply love my sleep!
Related, I’m happy to tell you, I recently partnered with Sleep Number®, and over the rest of this year, I’m going to be sharing 4 posts about sleep related topics. In case you’re not familiar, Sleep Number, is THE sleep innovation leader. Their aim is to deliver the best possible sleep experience, and they achieve that goal by offering high-quality products and services, all based on their extensive research into quality sleep. In fact, the Sleep Number bed was named best bed for couples, and ranked “Highest in Customer Satisfaction with Mattresses” by J.D. Power. I’m delighted to be working with them, and as you can guess, I’m super psyched I get to write about sleep!
For this first post, I want to talk about sleep in terms of wellness. Yes, it’s common knowledge that sleep is crucial to a healthy lifestyle. But getting enough sleep sometimes feels like wishful thinking at best, and the last priority at worst. If you feel like you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re not alone — according to a Sleep Number survey 54% of American’s don’t feel they’re getting enough sleep!
When we’re thinking of wellness, we typically talk about food and exercise — and maybe a centering practice like meditation or yoga. Sleep often doesn’t even get mentioned in the conversation, or if it does, it’s just a blanket statement like, you should get enough sleep. Not very helpful. And probably some of that is because everyone seems to have different needs when it comes to sleep.
For me, there’s a direct connection between getting enough sleep and staying healthy — a connection I’ve sadly demonstrated to myself many times over the years. If I go more than two nights without adequate sleep (meaning 8+ hours), I will for sure get a sore throat. And if I keep pushing myself, I’ll enter full blown sick mode. So I can tell you that I truly value my sleep. But you and I have both met people (maybe you’re one of them!) who do fine on 6 or 7 hours.
There are so many different habits when it comes to sleep. Some people love naps. Some people dread nighttime because insomnia takes over. Some people get up early, no alarm needed. Some people drag through their mornings until caffeine kicks in. Some people are deep sleepers (raising my hand here). Some people get up in the night regularly. Some people like to snuggle during the night. Some people can only sleep if no one is touching them.
When I think back to our new baby years, by far the hardest thing for me was not getting enough sleep — trying to function normally, without adequate rest, felt like torture. So getting my babies to sleep through the night was a major priority for me. But I’ve met plenty of parents who barely seem to mind the night wakings at all.
I want to hear what sleep means to you and I’ve got a few questions:
1) On a scale of 1 to 10, ten being the most important, how do you value your sleep? I can tell you sleep is a full-stop 10 for me!
2) What are your favorite ways to fall asleep if your mind is going a mile a minute when you fall into bed? Do you read? Count sheep? One of my favorite ways is making a list — once everything in my head is on paper, I can usually relax more easily.
3) Do you bring your phone to bed? I much prefer plugging it in to the charger and walking away for the night.
4) Do you sleep in pjs? Underwear? Bare naked? With socks? Without socks? Do you ever fall asleep in your clothes?
5) How much sleep do you think your particular body prefers each night? If I’m getting enough sleep and letting myself wake up naturally, 8.5 hours seems to be what my body wants. Though I’ve been told I’ll crave less as I get older.
6) How strict are you about going to bed clean — brushed teeth, makeup off, contacts soaking, etc.?
I always love to hear what you have to say!
P.S. — I recently visited a Sleep Number store and found out what my personal Sleep Number® setting is. It was fun, and I learned a whole bunch about sleep patterns and what wakes us up at night. If you’d like to visit a store, here’s a link to find the closest one. What Are Your Thoughts on Gender?
By Gabrielle. Photos by Jill Peters.
A few months ago, I read an article about the Sworn Virgins of Albania. It’s a fascinating article, and I hope you’ll read it. The summary: in communities organized under the Kanun code of honor, families without sons risked losing land and livelihood. As a workaround, families could assign one of their daughters to live a life of celibacy as a burrnesha, or sworn virgin. “Becoming a burrnesha elevated a woman to the status of a man and granted her all of the rights and privileges of the male population.”
As you can see, these women have lived their adult lives as men. To be clear these are not women who identified as men and had sex changes. No. Not at all. They were born and raised as females, then at some point, they were asked by their family to live their lives as males. And so they did.
This is one of many articles about gender I’ve read lately, but it really stuck with me and I’ve wanted to talk with you about it. I don’t have a specific point about the topic at all. I just want to discuss it with you. Every time I think I’m getting a handle on what gender is and what gender isn’t, I come across another article or essay that expands my brain a bit further and reminds me that I really know nothing at all when it comes to this topic. And I’m wondering what your thoughts are.
Ten years ago, I was having all sorts of conversations about sexual orientation, but gender never really came up. In fact, at that time, if you had asked me the difference between sex and gender, I would have thought the words were the same, totally interchangeable. Five years ago, I would have answered that sex referred to sex organs, and gender referred to being a girl or a boy. If you asked me now? I would say: I’m still learning.
Sometimes I feel like I have a handle on the term sex. I think of it as a medical term. Does a person have sex organs? Yes? What kind? Male organs? Female organs? Both? None? Partial parts of one or the other? Partial parts of both? Does the person have a Y chromosome? Two X chromsomes? Some other variation that I know almost nothing about?
And why specifically would I need to know? Well, I wouldn’t. It’s none of my dang business. As a parent or caregiver, I assume the knowledge would mostly be important to answer related health questions or reproductive questions.
I think the biggest thing I’ve learned as far as the term sex goes, is that I used to assume the options were male and female and that’s it. But for a considerable number of the human population, that is not true. There are more options than simply male and female.
And yet, even with all the variation, I would still argue that between sex and gender, sex is the simpler term.
So let’s talk about the more complicated term: gender. In a recent discussion, a transgender friend said to me, “You are born with your sex. Your gender is assigned to you at birth. Gender is a cultural construct.” When he said that to me, I immediately remembered the Sworn Virgins article and thought, yep, I agree, these women switched to living as men like it was a role in a play. One day they were women, the next day they were men. No medical intervention involved. Their culture just gave them permission to do so, accepted their decision, and treated them accordingly.
The next thing I thought of was the colors pink and blue, our long-time symbols for baby girls and baby boys. But it turns out, the opposite used to be true. Historically, pink was for boys and blue was for girls. And then at some point it switched. And perhaps it will switch again. And again. Culture changes. If we were to take a survey of gender definitions around the world right this minute, it would generate vastly different answers. Something that’s feminine in one culture, can be masculine in another.
But even if I agree and accept the statement,”Gender is a cultural construct”, my mind still gets stuck sorting it all out. I imagine it’s because our culture has put a ton of weight and importance on gender, and certainly it has affected me and everyone else in ways we probably don’t even know yet. The first question we ask of a pregnant woman: Is it a girl or a boy? (I ask it every time. It’s like I can’t help myself.) Before ultra-sounds were invented, it was the first thing said about a new person at their birth. It’s a boy! Or, It’s a girl!
We put a ton of emphasis on gender from the moment a person exists. And for many of us, our own gender is clear. We are comfortable with the gender we were assigned. We never question it. It feels right. And we assume everyone else must feel the same clarity about their assigned gender. Though we’ve learned that’s not the case at all. Not everyone feels comfortable with the gender they are assigned.
It seems to me, that since I easily identify as a women that it would be easy for me to define what it means to be female, what it means to be a woman. But instead, it’s not easy. In fact it’s kind of impossible. Anytime I try to start a statement with “Most women like [blank]”, I can’t fill it in. Most women like nail polish? Nope. Most women like dancing? Nope. Most women like babies? Nope. Most women like pink? Nope. Most women like dresses? Nope. Most women like baking? Nope. Most women like to nurture? Nope.
So is it simply about our sex organs? That doesn’t work either. If a woman has a hysterectomy, we still consider her a woman. Is it a hormone thing? Is it the hormones running through our bodies that make us feel like we’re a specific gender? Maybe. But what about the Burrneshas? Their community considers them male. They live as males. Would we insist that they are female since they don’t have certain amounts of certain hormones?
I also think back to caveman era. Was gender important then? If yes, how would cave people have defined a man or a woman? Certainly, most of our current feminine stereotypes would not apply. No makeup, no curling irons, no fashion. What stereotypes would apply? That cavewomen had babies? Okay. But what about the ones who didn’t have babies, were they still recognized as women? Did it matter?
It’s also clear that our kids are growing up with a different concept of what gender is than the binary I was raised with. From what I’ve observed, for them, gender is more fluid and less important. One of Oscar’s best friends is genderless. Oscar’s whole grade (he’s a 5th grader) knows this and accepts the fact without any worry; it will never be anything but normal to them. Which seems like a step in the right direction. But perhaps the acceptance in our school is an exception.
How about you? What are your thoughts on gender these days? Have you read anything interesting that you learned from? I’d love the link! Do you feel like your views on gender have shifted? Does your gender mean a lot to you personally? Meaning, do you strongly identify as a female or male? Will you be sad if gender lines fade in the future? If you identify as transgender, what do you wish people that are still learning about gender (that’s me!) knew? Also, does anyone disagree with me on the difficultly of defining gender? Maybe you have a definition you find to be spot on? Anything else on your mind gender-wise? I hope you’ll share!
P.S. — About 8 years ago I read the novel Middlesex. It’s excellent. And reading it was the first time I remember seriously considering the experiences of those who aren’t strictly female or male. Have you read it? Easy Natural Dye Easter Eggs: Turmeric & Cabbage for Green
By Gabrielle. Photos and styling by Amy Christie.
We’ve used beets to get shades of red. We’ve used onions to get shades of orange. We’ve used turmeric to get shades of yellow. We’ve used cabbage to get shades of blue. But what about greens? Did we forget about greens? Never!
Today, we’re going to mix up one batch of turmeric dye and one batch of cabbage dye, and show you how to dip eggs in both to achieve shades of green. It’s like a lesson in color theory, plus a lesson in Easter egg dyeing, all in one!
For this finale in our natural egg-dyeing series, Amy Christie once again took the gorgeous photos, and she’s got all the tips for us too.
Let’s get to dipping.
…Easy Natural Dye Easter Eggs: Turmeric & Cabbage for GreenRead More »
Living With Kids: Laura House
By Gabrielle.
I can tell you right now, I LOVED what I learned from this home tour. It’s like nothing I’ve really seen — although it did remind me a tiny bit of my adventurous friends at Blue Lily! — and it will most likely open your eyes to a way of living with kids you may never have considered. At least, it did for me.
Laura has a thoughtfulness and humility that just drew me right in, and I hope you feel the same way. She makes such a positive, community-strong case for her unique way of living as it applies to her and her family, so-much-so that it prompted me to stop and consider the housing trends and plans we’ve all been following as a society. Could I ever live in a Vandura with six kids? Probably not. But there’s so much more to this tour than that fact. So much more. You’ll see.
Welcome, Laura!
Hi everyone! I’m Laura. Our family is comprised of me, my partner Jeff, and our 21-month old son Henry. We are full-time musicians who play in the indie pop band Ok Vancouver Ok. We spend up to half of each year on tour driving, flying, and taking trains around the world to play concerts.
When we are not on the road we call Vancouver, Canada home. I was born and raised in this beautiful city and feel excited to watch Henry grow up here. In addition to being in a band, I work as an assistant and contributor for the award-winning Eco-parenting website The Green Mama. In between drumming and breastfeeding, I am toiling away on my laptop trying to research environmentally conscious alternatives to the often toxic trappings of parenthood.
An unconventional fact about our life is that we live in a roomy 1982 GMC Vandura that we have converted into a tiny home on wheels. We bought it on Valentine’s day last year and gut renovated it right away. The van had already been stripped of its original interior and had an after-market raised roof and cool vertical windows. The previous owners were unable to finish the renovation they had planned, and sold it to us in pretty rough shape. It was a rusty, moldy, blank slate. For 1200 Canadian dollars we figured we could gamble on it, and with some time and TLC our investment paid off.
Vans aren’t built to live in; they have little to no insulation and are filled with synthetic materials like plastic and foam. This is an indoor air quality nightmare! Our first order of business was to detoxify, insulate, and build out the interior with wood. We also laid down a new floor and built a raised platform in the back.
… Easy Natural Dye Easter Eggs: Onion & Turmeric for Orange & Yellow
By Gabrielle. Photos and styling by Amy Christie.
Oh goody! I’ve got more natural egg dyeing for you today. We’ve covered using cabbage to get shades blue. We’ve covered using beets to get shades of red. And today, we’re going to use turmeric and onion to get shades of yellow and orange!
Hit the grocery store for eggs, onions and spice, and you’re all set to become a natural-dye pro.
Once again, Amy Christie took the gorgeous photos, and she’s got all the dyeing tips we need below.
Another day, another color. Let’s go!
…Easy Natural Dye Easter Eggs: Onion & Turmeric for Orange & YellowRead More »
Easy Natural Dye Easter Eggs: Use Beets for Red
By Gabrielle. Photos and styling by Amy Christie.
This is awesome! Awhile ago, there was a post here on Design Mom about how to dye eggs in a range of blues, using only cabbage. It was such a great post! Totally simple, totally doable, and filled with helpful information.
So I was chatting with Amy Christie, and we decided to continue the series! We’ve got red today, and two more colors to share over the next week or so. I know you’re going to love these posts — and the photos are so gorgeous!
Here’s what Amy says:
The post on blue-hue cabbage-dyed eggs from a few years ago is one of my favorite I’ve ever done. Colored eggs happen to be very photogenic. I still have all of them, minus the broken ones (I finally accepted that they would never be whole again). Now, working on the other colors of the rainbow, I am again blown away at their beauty. The hues are stunning and rich and the texture of each shell, unique. I wish I understood more about the chemistry of the egg shell to understand some of the textures and patina and spotting but since I don’t, I’ll just enjoy their beauty.
Ready to dye? Let’s get cracking.
… A Collection of Random Thoughts
By Gabrielle. Photo snapped by Olive Blair.
Oh my. This year seems to be stuck on fast forward. I could swear I just wrote a random thoughts post last week, but it’s been over a month! So here is March’s installment. Feel free to share your own random thoughts in the comments.
1) I have a hair appointment today. I’m not doing anything new, just getting it trimmed to it’s original pixie length, but because of the appointment, I suppose hair is on my mind. I’ve had this cut for a couple of months now, and interestingly, I think people react to me much differently with this change to short hair, compared to the reactions I received when I switched from long dark hair to long blonde hair.
Probably the most memorable reaction was a man at the gym. Ben Blair and I work on weights together whenever we can, and the first time we went to the gym when I was sporting my new haircut, a man approached Ben and said, “I can’t believe you let her cut her hair!”
Oh my. I was standing right there, working with some weights, and I was totally speechless. It had never occurred to me for even a second to ask Ben for “permission” to cut my hair. Hah! It made me wonder, do you have someone in your life who has strong opinions about your hair? Someone you feel like would need to “let you” cut your hair?
The second thing is that strangers are super chatty with me now. Not sure what it is, but many, many more people start up conversations with me when I have this pixie cut, compared to when I had long hair (dark or light). Have you ever experienced something like that? Different reactions from strangers when you have a new haircut?
2) Also related to hair, I’ve noticed I’m much more diligent about wearing makeup and earrings with this hair cut, and I’ve been wearing more black. As it happens, I cleaned out my closest — Kon Mari-style — a couple days before I decided to get the pixie. And now I wonder: would I have kept different things if I had cleaned the closet after the cut? Would they have sparked joy?
One last hair thought: my daily maintenance has gone way, way down time-wise. But my intermittent maintenance (think cut and color), have gone way up. Yes, I no longer need blowouts, or spend much daily time on my hair. But, I can’t push a hair appointment to 6 weeks or longer. I have to go every 3 to 4 weeks. No skipping!
3) Tomorrow, I’m headed to Bentonville, Arkansas for work. I’ll be there till Friday. I’ve never been to Arkansas before and I’m hoping I’ll get to do at least a little bit of sight-seeing while I’m there. Do you live there? Or have you ever visited? When you only have a little bit of time do you have a sight-seeing strategy? I won’t have a car, so I’m thinking I’ll hire a taxi/uber and take a little driving tour.
4) Today is Ben Blair’s birthday. To celebrate, we’re going to see the Warriors play! We won two tickets at the elementary school auction for tonight’s game. When I realized the tickets were for a game on Ben’s birthday, I was vigilant in checking back on the auction to make sure we hadn’t been outbid. Hah! Do you follow basketball? I haven’t paid attention for years, but living in Oakland, it’s pretty easy to become a big fan of Steph Curry.
5) I’m loving the rain this week! We have skylights in several places in this house, and the rain pitter-pattering on the glass as we fall asleep is pretty darn wonderful. If it was freezing, I’m sure I wouldn’t love the rain so much, but the temperature has been pretty mild, and we all know we need the rain here in California, so it’s easier to be patient with a week’s worth of soggy days.
6) Related, we need to get our gutters cleaned. The rain has them overflowing! I’ve never had this done before and I’ve never done it myself. I was wondering why it is I’ve never had to deal with clogged rain gutters, but growing up in St. George, we didn’t get much rain, and we didn’t have a ton of trees providing leaves that would clog the gutters, so it wasn’t part of my growing up at all. And since then, I suppose we haven’t lived anywhere with a ton of trees.
But in this yard, with so many trees, and leaves that fall year round instead of seasonally, I can see clogged gutters are inevitable! Ours even have mesh over them to prevent the leaves from getting in, but it doesn’t always work. : ) I’ll make a phone call today and see what I can learn. I really have no idea what to expect on either pricing or timing, so I’m curious. It’s not a big deal, it’s just something I’ve never done before so I’m thinking about it. A little reminder that each house is individual and has it’s own needs and quirks.
Have you ever had to clear your gutters? Did you DIY it, or hire it out? Any advice?
7) We are in the process of refinancing our mortgage and going from a 30-year loan to a 15-year loan. The paperwork is killing me — when you’re self-employed, there are always extra layers of red tape. Nothing big to report here, just another thing on my mind.
8) Are you over political discussions at this point? Avoiding Facebook? Politically, I try hard to make sure my Facebook feed is representative of the actual people and viewpoints in my life. I have lots of both republicans and democrats in my life, people that I love, and I want to make sure I’m hearing from both sides when I’m online. I grew up with a democrat dad and a republican mom, plus, I’ve voted both republican and democrat myself over the years, so it’s normal to me to converse with people of different viewpoints. It’s less normal (and harder for me to understand) for me when I meet someone who only votes republican, or only votes democrat.
But the interesting thing about this particular election cycle, is that no one in my Facebook feed is pro-Trump. Not a single person. Or if they are, they aren’t vocal about it. Based on the poll numbers, it seems like I should be seeing quite a bit of pro-Trump, so now I’m realizing my Facebook friends aren’t as politically diverse as I’d previously thought. Not sure what to conclude from that. Mostly just fascinated.
I think that’s it for now. Please feel free to respond to anything here, or bring up your own topic. I always love hearing what’s on your minds!
P.S. — I post my random thoughts each month. You can find them all here. Living With Kids: Lorena Siminovich
By Gabrielle. Photographed by Sarah Hebenstreit.
I really enjoyed this tour! From Lorena’s fond memories about her remodel’s architect to the serendipitous way they found their home, and on to her style of self-care (Spoiler: She’s working on it!), there are a lot of interesting ideas and heaps of optimism here.
But maybe the most wonderful is Lorena’s story about coming to the US from Buenos Aires. The timing of it all had to have been a test, but I love hearing that it made her fall in love with America even harder.
And just in case you need more incentive to take a peek into Lorena’s home, one of my favorite photographers — Sarah Hebenstreit of Modern Kids — jumped in to shoot the images. We’ve worked together a lot, and I always find her eye to be fresh and inspiring.
Welcome, Lorena! I’m so glad you’re here!
… Family Photos: Pattern On Pattern
By Gabrielle. Photos by Wendy of Blue Lily Photography. Party props from Oh Happy Day Party Shop.
Look at these crazy photos of my family!
You may have seen them already, because I shared some of these on Instagram in December — just a couple of days after the photoshoot. But I just realized I never shared them here on the blog. Which completely shocks me when I think about it, because I LOVE how these photos turned out! I feel like they are one of my best collaborations ever and I’m over the moon that I get to share them with you. Here’s the story of how they came about — including all the thinking and work that happened behind the scenes.
Last fall, Wendy of Blue Lily Photography emailed me. She told me she was headed to Oakland in December, and I said, “Let’s do a photo shoot! Something awesome!” Wendy was the photographer for June’s newborn photos, and she shot our Vintage Car holiday photos too. It’s always fun to work with her especially because she doesn’t seem to mind if I think up crazy ideas.
Before I worked on Design Mom, we would generally get a family photo shot about once each year. But these days, we end up taking family photos a few times a year — partly because of work-related requests and partly because it’s hard to pass up the chance to work with amazinly talented photographers! So when Wendy reached out, I wanted to use the opportunity to try something new.
I collect photo inspiration on Pinterest throughout the year, and in 2015 I had been particularly drawn to photos that featured patterns-on-patterns-on-patterns. So I sent a few pattern-filled photos to Wendy and said, “What do you think about something like this?” She gave a big thumbs up and we put a date on the calendar for early December.
At that point, I pretty much forgot about the whole thing because October arrived and as you know, once October hits it’s one big wave of holiday — Halloween-Thanskgiving-Christmas-NewYears, and the holidays also coincide with lots of Alt Summit deadlines too. So you can imagine my panic when Wendy emailed again to confirm, about a week or so out from the scheduled shoot, and I realized I had done exactly zero preparation.
There was a part of me that wanted to cancel, or just go with something easier, something straightforward. But ultimately, I knew I would regret it if I didn’t at least try. And no surprise at all, once I made even the littlest effort, I started getting all sorts of energy and enthusiasm and forward motion for the project. I love when that happens!
The trick was that I only had a few days to bring everything together. The first stop was our closets. I pulled out everything that had all-over pattern. Next, I hit thrift shops. I didn’t have anything in particular in mind, again, I was just looking for anything with lots of pattern. After that, I set everything out and stepped back and really studied it all for awhile. At that point I had several color palettes going on and was considering using a different one for each person. But I realized I didn’t have time to pull that off and that I needed to choose one color.
… Living With Kids: Justina Tey
By Gabrielle.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live and raise kids on the world’s only island city-state? Me, too. And so…welcome to Singapore! Today, we’re visiting the home of Justina and her family who reside in a high-rise apartment — think 40 to 50 stories high! — and homeschool from way up there, too.
Her life, to me, is pretty normal and yet so fascinating at the same time. I want to visit! I want to smell the aromas of Singapore, walk through the streets around her house, look out from her balcony, ride public transportation… Oh, today is one of those days I wish my home tours could be videotaped and watched over and over, like an episode on HGTV!
Please help me welcome Justina and her boys, plus one little girl who is set to make her arrival very, very soon. (UPDATE! She was born yesterday, on Chinese New Year! Congratulations, Teys!)
Hello, I’m Justina, hailing from sunny Singapore! I’m married to John, and we have three little boys: Jude, Jamie, and Josh, who are seven, four, and two. We’re also expecting a little girl, who will be joining the family really soon, probably by the time this tour goes live!
… A Collection of Random Thoughts
Photo and text by Gabrielle.
I just realized I skipped January’s post, but here’s February’s installment of random thoughts just for you. Feel free to share your own random thoughts in the comments!
1) It seems to be spider season at our house. I have a long-standing deep fear of many types of spiders. In France, some of the spiders were massive, especially in the fall, and I did not deal well with the situation at all. And growing up in St. George, wolf spiders were both gross and terrifying to me (they still are!). But these Oakland spiders don’t really scare me. They’re often tiny, and they’re daddy-long-leg types, so there’s not much mass to them.
The thing that bugs me is the constant battling of cobwebs. I vacuum them all up, and the next day they are back in full force. I’ve heard that wiping down surfaces with lemon juice can keep them away. Apparently, their taste buds are in their feet and they don’t like the taste of lemon. Any one out there tried this? Other tips?
2) Not sure what to do about this, but we’re having a really hard time finding a contractor for our master bedroom remodel. I was not expecting this and and am feeling stuck. I’m wondering what the story is. Last time we hired a contractor, we had 3 bids within a week. This time, it’s hard to get anyone to return a phone call. Maybe there’s some sort of building boom going on that I’m not aware of?
I could have sworn we’d be done by now and we haven’t even started the demolition. Very frustrating! I usually try to hire people on recommendation, but at this point, I feel like I”m going to need to start cold-calling every contractor in the area and see who has time. I’m happy to take any advice! I’m really, really excited to get going on this. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning.
3) Our whole house is buzzing with excitement over the launch of Teachur. I’m super proud of Ben Blair and my brother Josh. The kids are proud too — they check in and give me updates on the Kickstarter page throughout the day. Cousins call and cheer Ben on. My siblings share the post and pledge support. The response has been really wonderful and I love any time Ben Blair gets to shine.
I also LOVE the responses you gave on the post I wrote about it. I can’t thank you enough. The feedback and questions are incredibly helpful to Ben and Josh. Feel free to keep them coming. If you’re interested in following the progress of Teachur, a pledge of even $1 is awesome! It helps them gauge interest and makes it easy to update people with Teachur news.
4) Both of my boys are growing their hair out. They’ve worn their hair short for so many years, that I think we’d forgotten how curly it is! They haven’t needed it before, but I bought some mousse and gel for them to try out as they figure out which sort of curl they like best.
Betty and Olive don’t have much curl, but Maude and June definitely have some. In fact, June used to have a ton! A whole head full of ringlets. But her curls have relaxed in a big way over the last 2 years. I have no idea why. Age? Humidity levels? It’s always fascinating to see my kids grow and change. I love seeing who they are becoming.
5) A few months after we moved here, we hired a woman named Natalie as our housekeeper. She was excellent! An artist who wanted flexible work so she could paint in her spare time. She would come about 10 hours per week to clean house and run errands. But she took a full-time office job last fall (awesome for her!) and we haven’t replaced her yet. I think it’s time to hire someone again, but I keep putting it off. It feels like asking someone to join the family and I want to make sure I’m hiring the right person.
What’s your take on hiring help in the home? Have you ever hired someone? A house keeper? A nanny? A personal assistant? I know some people love hiring help, and others find it stressful to have non-family members in their home on a regular basis. As for me, I truly love the help, but at the same time, having a break for a few months has also been good. Yes, it has meant more of my time spent cleaning, but if I’m honest, I’m also more relaxed when I don’t have workers in my house. How about you?
6) Sometimes I get the urge to do a video — probably a Periscope — where I can talk about random stuff like this. I haven’t tried something like that before. Pretty much every video I’ve created has had a specific purpose or even a script. So I don’t know if the randomness would work. I’m sure there must be You-tubers that do something similar — random chatty videos that are unedited. But I haven’t come across any, so maybe they’re not aimed at my demographic. Who knows.
Really what I want is a conversation. I want to talk about random stuff with another person. I want the back and forth. If you have any thoughts on this idea, let me know.
7) I’m feeling really lucky today. It’s one of those days where I’m having a moment of clarity, and can clearly see that I’m surrounded by good people and good things. If I started making a gratitude list right this minute, I’m quite sure I would get to bedtime and not be finished yet. Little things like the unexpected fresh flowers a thoughtful friend sent. And big things like the fact that I really like my kids, not just because they’re mine, but because they are as human beings. Have you ever had one of those days? It feels good.
I think that’s it for now. Please feel free to respond to anything here, or bring up your own topic. I always love hearing what’s on your minds!
P.S. — I post my random thoughts each month. You can find them all here. Living With Kids: Alison Little
By Gabrielle. Photos by Revival Photography.
I love how Alison describes her small town: “My family moved here when I was ten years old, and I remember pulling into town and noticing that there was a McDonalds…and not much else. The town has grown only a bit in the 26 years I have lived here, and I both love and hate that about it.”
I’m sure a lot of us share this dichotomy between a deep appreciation for comfort and an equally deep craving for change. It’s always a toss-up on which will win the contest, right? Either way, one look at her home and reading of her thoughts and I get the impression she’s living an inspired life in her one McDonald’s town. I hope you enjoy this peek into how she’s living with kids. (And who just searched for a wall-sized, roll-up map for their living area? Me, too.)
Hi, everyone! I’m Alison. I am a wife and stay-at-home mother of four young children, including a two year old set of twins. My husband, Scott, is a hard-working, incredibly talented designer. A couple years after graduating high school, I saw Scott (who was two years younger than me in school) out with some mutual friends. We talked for a few minutes and then parted ways. I remember saying to the friend I was with, “That Scott Little is hot. I would marry him.” A few months later we ran into each other again, and the rest, as they say, is history. I knew right away he was the one, as cliché as that sounds!
Our boys are eight and six. Jackson, our oldest, is smart and tender hearted. He has a quirky little personality and has always kept us on our toes. I always said there was no one in the whole world who loved me the way Jackson did, until our daughter Charlotte came along. She is so much like he was at her age, and shows love and affection much the same as he did. It’s fun to see the similarities between them.
Grayson, our six year old, is his own little person. He is independent, and has a unique style that I love so much. He gives absolutely no thought or worry to what others might think of him. It is my very favorite trait of his, and I hope he carries it with him always.
In the Fall of 2012 we found our we were expecting our third baby, and at our six week ultrasound found out we were actually expecting our third and fourth babies! Having twins was the most shocking and most wonderful surprise. Juliet and Charlotte were born in the summer of 2013. I barely remember those first four months. I never knew I could be so tired, or love coffee so much.
They are now two-and-a-half, and I’m convinced this is the very best age. They are sweet and funny and the cutest (of course!), and I just feel so lucky to be their mama.
… DIY: Easy Envelope Wraps for Valentine Sweets – Free Template!
By Gabrielle. Photos by Amy Christie for Design Mom.
Happy February! Pull out your red construction paper and your pink glitter and your heart stamps, because for the next two weeks it’s all about Valentine’s Day. Are you excited? Neutral on the subject? No interested at all?
Well, wherever you fall on the Valentine’s Day spectrum, you’ll like this project. It’s all about how to print out and fold this handy little wrap-style envelope. Yes, this envelope is perfect for gently wrapping up a Valentine sweet, but it’s also useable any week of the year, and can be printed on any colored or patterned paper you like.
Use these simple envelopes to wrap up a note, the pony bead necklace your son made for his aunt, cookies or chocolates, a set of coasters, friendship bracelets — really, anything that’s small and relatively flat. These are so simple and so useful! You’ll want to make a stack to have at the ready.
Bonus: Amy Christie shot the photos for this project and made awesome initial cookies from font printouts. So you can learn how to do that in this post too!
Before we jump to the how-to, I’m curious. When prepping for Valentine’s Day, do you make valentines for your friends? And have you ever heard of Gal-antines Day gatherings? The idea is to celebrate your gal-friends on February 14th instead of focusing on who does or doesn’t have a love interest at the moment. I’m thinking these little wraps are perfect for cookie deliveries to your circle of friends.
Okay. On to the instructions!
…DIY: Easy Envelope Wraps for Valentine Sweets – Free Template!Read More »
Living With Kids: Jenni Fuchs
By Gabrielle.
Here’s what I know after spending some time with Jenni’s tour: I enjoy people who meet their spouse at a Japanese night class in Scotland, people who wholeheartedly love the setting in which they are raising their children, and cactus caretakers. (I think it takes a perfectly balanced mix of concentration and forgetfulness to raise a cactus, don’t you?) Turns out, I also enjoy people who take their kitchen shelves seriously! Jenni’s sure are cute!
And I can’t forget to add people who smile when it’s raining to my list!
If you’d like to see how she and her husband are living with kids in a Berlin rental, please stay awhile. There’s a ton of fabulous ideas that can be achieved with very little investment, whether you’re currently in a restricted rental or simply on a decorating or time budget. I hope you enjoy her as much as I do. Welcome, Jenni!
Hello, my name is Jenni. I live in Berlin with my husband and two sons: Oskar is five and Alfred is one. We moved here from Scotland almost four-and-a-half years ago due to my husband’s work. I am originally from Germany but I grew up in Scotland, so we speak English with each other at home and I speak German with the kids when we’re out and about.
My husband and I met in Edinburgh at Japanese night class — as you do — over ten years ago, and we have been married for just over six years. I have to admit, I have forgotten most of my Japanese, but I always say I gained a husband so the classes were a worthwhile investment!
He is a software architect and I am a museologist, though currently still on maternity leave with the little one. The safety net for families — parental leave, maternity pay, child benefits, subsidized child care — is very generous here in Germany, and we count ourselves lucky to benefit from it.
Oskar will start primary school this year, after the summer, and he is already super excited. He’s a very free spirited boy with a compassionate heart, who knows what he likes and will put people in their place if they tell him he looks like a girl because he has shoulder-length hair or likes wearing pink. His favorite things include cars, dinosaurs, and flowers, and you’re as likely to find him wearing a Spider-man costume as you are butterfly wings.
Alfred is just finding his feet, literally, and will start at kindergarden after Easter. He is a jolly little fellow, who loves to laugh at everything — he even laughs in his sleep — and tries to copy everything his big brother does, whom he absolutely adores. He’s also really into music; if you put any on, he’ll immediately start clapping his hands and jumping around on his knees.
We live to the north of a district called Schöneberg, which is in central Berlin, in a third floor rental apartment. We only moved here six months ago. Initially, we were actually going to leave Berlin altogether, but then things worked out differently.
… DIY: Wood You Be My Valentine? Etched Heart Flair Pins!
By Gabrielle. Photos by Amy Christie for Design Mom.
It’s been a whole year since I pulled out my wood burner/etcher. But I’m feeling the burn once again! So I was brainstorming possible wood-etched crafts with Amy, and she happened to mention there are metal initials you can use with your wood burner. They attach to the wood burner, heat up, and then “brand” the wood.
Well, that pretty much blew my mind, because trying to write with a wood burner is super hard and I generally avoid it, but now that I know about wood burning letters, it opens up all sorts of awesome possibilities!
Awesome possibilities like these wooden initial pins! We’re calling them heart flair. (Did you ever see Office Space?) And the concept is pretty simple. Take pre-cut wooden hearts, burn in the initials of your true love (or all your 3rd grader’s classmates), and then glue a brooch pin on the back.
You’ll find links to all the supplies below. Plus! There’s a super cute FREE printable to go with the pins!! Wood you be my valentine?
Get your etching tool plugged in and let’s get started.
…DIY: Wood You Be My Valentine? Etched Heart Flair Pins!Read More »
3 Types of Vacations to Keep Family Relationships Strong
As I was working on travel-related pinterest board, I started to get all meta about what vacations are for. What’s the goal? Why do we take them? Well it turns out there are as many reasons for traveling as there are people who travel. : ) But you already know that. So then I narrowed it down to our family, the Ben and Gabrielle Blairs. Why do we travel? Why do we put such an emphasis on it? Why do we make so much time for it?
I discussed it with Ben Blair and we both agreed that our primary motivation is family togetherness. Traveling together, vacationing together, it really, truly, helps us keep our family relationships strong.
And I know it’s not just in my head. We all feel more connected to each other when we spend undistracted time together. I can practically see the bonding happen before my eyes! And the only real way we can get a good chunk of undistracted time, is by leaving our house and normal daily schedule, or in other words, when we take a vacation.
I want to talk about 3 types of vacations that we love, and that are especially good at keeping our family relationships strong.
Vacation Type #1: Family Retreats.
This is a vacation where the main thing on the schedule is to talk about the goals and aims of your family. It’s where you discuss your family culture and what you’d like it to be. Essentially, it’s like a productive business retreat, but for your family.
This idea may not be a common one for family vacations, but they are well worth your time, I promise. They don’t have to take long, and if a “productive retreat” doesn’t sound appealing they can be combined with ideas from category 2 (below),
One of our best family retreats, happened during the 2014 holiday break. We drove 2 hours north to the Russian River area of California, and rented a house. We already knew the area and didn’t feel the need to be tourists; it was off-season there anyway. Instead, we slept in. Hung out and relaxed. Maybe took a walk. Made food together. Then in the afternoons and evenings we had family meetings, and we had a basic itinerary planned out beforehand.
We did role plays of conversations depicting healthy relationships. We talked about goals for the next year, and what we’d like to do together as a family. Stuff like that.
It was fantastic. After just a couple of days we could have gone home, because we all felt rested and connected. But. We happened to have the house for a few more days, so we turned the last half of our stay into a movie marathon. We watched all the Star Wars movies and all the Lord of the Rings movies. Woot!
Ben Blair and I did something similar as a couple for our 20th anniversary. On our trip to Lake Louise, we set aside time each day as our Couples Retreat time, where we pulled out notebooks and made plans together. What would the next 20 years bring? How can we be better parents? What can we do to make our marriage even better? Again, it was only a small part of each day, but it was so good!
Vacation Type #2: Relax & Re-energize.
Think of this as the classic vacation. It’s meant to be an energizing break from your typical daily schedule, and ideally, the only things on the itinerary are things you really love to do. And maybe, there’s no itinerary at all!
A vacation with the goal to relax and re-energize will look different for every family. For some people it might mean sitting on a warm beach with nothing to do. For another family, it might be the same beach, but with a schedule of surf lessons, hula dancing, and hiking.
Or maybe a relaxing and re-energizing trip for your family would be in the city — taking in museums, or watching a live show, or taking cooking classes. For yet another family, it might be camping. Or remember the movie marathon I mentioned above? That was definitely a relaxing and re-energizing thing for our family.
The nice thing is, vacations with the goal of relaxing and re-energizing don’t have to be expensive, and they don’t have to be long. We’re big on squeezing in Saturday-Sunday mini vacations that are close to home.
For example, our reading weekend took virtually no planning, had very little cost, and we didn’t have to miss work or school to make it happen. Another example is the photo above, featuring the Deauville Beach umbrellas in France. Deauville was about an hour and a half north of our home, and anytime the temperature hit 75 or above, we’d hit the beach for the day. No plans. Just sunning ourselves and playing in the water, with a picnic lunch. No hotel, no dinner reservation. And no cell phone coverage! It was just a day, but the break from our schedule, and from the internet, would do the trick.
Vacation Type #3: Make the World a Better Place Vacation.
This type of vacations is a family trip focused on service and working together. It might be building a house with Habitat for Humanity, or planting trees at a orphanage, or volunteering at a big event, like a marathon. Depending on the ages of your kids, this might be something you do with one parent and one teen. Or maybe you can take the whole crew!
We’ve had a few different experiences with this type of vacation and we’ve never regretted it. One of the best, was when Ralph and Ben Blair went to Haiti as volunteers to make a movie about a new language exchange program for Haiti Partners. It’s the sort of experience that can really change your perspective and get your family engaged around important work. Not only did they make the video, which was a big help, they also became life-long advocates. Ben Blair and Ralph, and really the whole family are now big supporters of Haiti Partner’s programs. Getting to see and interact with an organization up close makes it so much easier to support a cause with your available resources — both time and money.
There’s another aspect of this type of vacation that I love. It’s the working! In fact, I’m one of 8 brothers and sisters, and we find we relate best to each other when we’re working together on something big. If we all get together and just hang out, there’s a high probability we’ll start teasing and being obnoxious and we’ll hurt someone’s feelings. But if we’re working together — we used to put on Triathlons in Southern Utah, and now we work together on Alt Summit — it’s like it brings out our super-powers. We solve problems right and left, laugh a whole bunch, and feel like we’ve accomplished something worthwhile when we’re done. Working together can bring out the best in people.
Okay. Now it’s your turn. I have lots of questions. What are your thoughts on these 3 types of vacations. Have you tried all three? When it’s time to relax, what sort of vacation do you crave most? Forest, beach, library — or maybe a fancy spa? What about a volunteering vacation? What sort of volunteer opportunity do you think your family would do best?
P.S. — Once our kids hit school age — say ages 5-18 — we only get 13 summer vacations, 13 winter breaks, 13 spring breaks, and maybe thirty 3-day weekends before they’re all grown up. Think of it as max 70 chances to share adventures with our kids. 70 is not that much! So I thought it would be fun to pin every awesome place I want to take my kids. And if we only hit some of them? Well, that’s better than none! Living With Kids: Elizabeth Morrow
By Gabrielle.
Libby reached out to me about participating in a home tour more than eight months ago, and then — poof! — she disappeared. And then one day, she sent me this note: “Hi Gabrielle! I can’t believe it’s been six months since I reached out to you. Sorry for the delay! We have had lots of things going on! We thought we sold our house without even listing it, and so we had to deal with all the things that go with that, like house inspection, appraisal, and showings. I started packing up the house…and then we decided not to sell. Did I mention that all of this was going on when I was nine months pregnant and then home with a newborn? Throw my toddler into the mix and things were very hectic!”
Phrew! Welcome to the Living With Kids Tour That Almost Never Happened! (A lot of times, the living part of it all gets in the way of the tour, right?)
I think you’re going to melt when Libby describes her mom and the role she’s inadvertently played in shaping her own expectations about motherhood. It’s really sweet. I hope you’ll think so, too. So please, everyone, help me welcome Libby!
Hi! I’m Libby. I am the mother of two children, Hazel and Everett. I have been married to my husband Greg for seven years.
Greg and I both grew up in Franklin, Indiana. We attended the same high school, although not at the same time — he’s five years older than I am. We met one weekend when I was home from college.
I am half Indian, so I have dark hair and dark brown eyes. My husband is a red head. So, I wasn’t sure what our kids would look like! However, they are both little clones of my husband.
I do all of the hard work and they pop out looking like Greg. It’s not fair!
…