Men are Lucky Women are Seeking Equality and Not Revenge

Dr Ford seeking equality and not revenge, thoughts featured by top lifestyle blog, Design Mom

Dr Ford seeking equality and not revenge, thoughts featured by top lifestyle blog, Design Mom

Have you followed any of the coverage of today’s hearing? It’s quite horrific. I had to pull my car over as Dr. Ford described Kavanaugh covering her mouth, and her fear that he would accidentally kill her. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt a huge amount of anger well up in me as I listened. I keep thinking about that saying: Men are lucky women are seeking equality and not revenge.

I find myself so embarrassed by the spectacle. Women are the majority of America’s voting population, yet 11 men sit in judgment of Christine Blasey Ford (four of them Mormon dammit!). In the room, they are seated above Dr. Ford, unwilling to ask her their questions themselves, and instead they hired a woman to do their dirty work.

This is an especially hard day for anyone who is reliving a past abuse. If that’s you, I just want you to know there are millions of women (and plenty of men too) who are right here with you. We believe you.

How are you holding up, Dear Readers? Have you had to stay away from the coverage because it’s too traumatic? Are you at work and having a hard time keeping it together? Have you been hearing from friends who are having a hard time of it? Are you able to watch or listen and keep emotionally distant? Are your kids old enough to be aware of what’s happening? If you need a place to discuss how the hearings are affecting you, please feel free to use the comment section.

P.S. — Discussing this on social media today, I appreciated someone saying the equality-not-revenge quote also applies to race. So true.


Image by Erin Schaff-Pool via Nylon.

76 thoughts on “Men are Lucky Women are Seeking Equality and Not Revenge”

  1. I’ve been listening on an off all morning to her testimony. I’ve had to turn it off a few times because it was just too hard or heartbreaking to stomach. I’m not sure if I’m ready to listen to his bull*&^* though.

  2. I am in awe of her. I alternated between being angry, sick and being in tears. She is the picture of courage and bravery. I like to think that I would have the courage to do what she is doing but I am not convinced that I would. I thank her for standing up for so many who cannot. I truly felt like I was watching history take place. My kids are still too young (13 and 10) to understand what is happening but I have started having conversations with my 13 far old daughter that make me sad and angry for her

    1. I too am in awe of her courage and composure while obviously feeling deep sadness and fear. I understand well. I have had PTSD since being raped by my brother from 7 years old to around 10. I am now 66. I understand my PTSD and can relate to Mrs. Ford. I deeply empathize with her and wanted to hold and comfort her. Can’t help but feel furious at the whole sham of the committee and the disrespect those guys, can’t call them men, showed her.

      It makes me weep when I think of all the women and girls and boys who are being raped as we speak all over this world.

      1. I also wanted to say that I see Brett K. as a bully and often bullies who have had their cover blown like Bret has, will cry to gain sympathy when everything else didn’t work. He, in my opinion, remembers everything he’s done and what he didn’t remember due to his drunken state, his buddies told him the next day. He’s aware of who he is and I suspect his wife is also aware and under his rule. Her demeanor was that of a woman beaten down. I felt empathy for her but not him for what he’s chosen to become. I do feel empathy for the reasons he is the guy he is, his childhood created him, like all of our childhoods do. I feel deep empathy for him in that respect only. Like all of us, he’s had his adult life to reflect and look more deeply at himself. And, had he done that and gotten professional help, he perhaps could be accountable for his actions today and then.

  3. I listened to the beginning of her testimony on the way to work this morning. I’m planning to listen to more later today. Listening felt important – to be a witness. I felt weighed down afterward, almost disoriented. It feels similar to the weight and sadness I felt listening to Hillary deliver her concession speech. I finally realized why the two are connected for me – I felt so betrayed by the election of a mysoginistic, abusive man – and I feel similarly saddened now. I can’t seem to rally myself to anger – only sadness and disgust. Anger seems somehow too hopeful and emotion.

    1. Yep, me too, Meg. I have been thinking about the election all day and how angry and sad I was afterwards for women and to be a woman. Deja vu.

    2. “Listening felt important – to be a witness.” I felt the same, Meg—that this woman was doing a terrifying and painful thing for the good of the country and by listening we could offer her an ounce of the dignity she deserves.

  4. All last night at work I kept thinking about her, hoping she was able to sleep, wishing there were some way to let her know how many of us support her and believe her. I’ve been sleeping (poorly) rather than listening, but as soon as I woke up I lunged for my phone. I tend to rely on international news sources, and both BBC and the Guardian are doing live coverage.
    Gabby, I feel your pain about the Mormon men on the committee. It’s a bit like the shame I feel being from Indiana when Pence opens his yap, to at least the power of 10, even more like how I felt when one of our leading Mennonite theologians was revealed to be a serial sexual predator. Those with power are supposed to use it to reveal truth, not bury it.

    1. I’m from Indiana too, and I cringe every time I think of Pence as VP. Like I want to apologize to the entire country that they got stuck with our crappy terrible governor.

  5. I will be watching the entire hearing. Christine Blasey Ford has been honest, human and inspirational. I’m a survivor of child sexual abuse who has struggled with many of the same psychological effects described by Dr. Ford. I also know what it’s like not to have come forward to report the abuse. For some reason, many of Dr. Ford’s critics—the president included—seem to believe if it hadn’t been reported, then it didn’t happen. Victims are branded as liars. Survivors, such as myself, know better.

  6. I think Kavanaugh is coming off as unreasonably angry, self-righteous, and impatient. I actually believe that he doesn’t remember assaulting Dr. Ford, but how does that mean it didn’t happen when he was a hard-partying drunk? And I do think a lot of sexual abusers delude themselves and don’t feel like they’ve done anything wrong, or even particularly memorable, while their victims feel traumatized. If he still makes it on to the Supreme Court, I think there’s going to be some serious backlash in the midterms.

      1. yes yes yes! I can not stand they way he behaved. He was so desperate disrespectful. I cringe at the thought of someone like him on the Supreme Court. Even though there is no chance for any hard evidence the assault happened, I believe her!

  7. So many good comments here. I am also in awe of Christine Blasey Ford and I hope we do not stop talking about her and the other victims. I tried to listen to Kavanaugh, but he sounds like an ass. The manner in which he talks back and addresses those that are questioning him makes me feel sick. And then we are supposed to turn around and let him judge others? Time for the tides to change.

    I hope we can rise up and support each other, every day.

    Thank you, Gabby for opening up this discussion.

  8. Kavanaugh has shown himself in this hearing to be exactly the person as he has been accused: Entitled, privileged, self-righteous, unrepentant, disrespectful, loud and belligerent. A political operative and a misogynist pig.

    1. Agreed. I wondered how he would portray himself today and he did extremely poorly. A supreme court justice’s job is to interpret the law of the land in a non-biased, impartial manner that benefits all the citizens of our country. In decrying that Dr. Ford’s accusation was the result of a Democratic Conspiracy led by the Clintons, he has demonstrated that (in addition to sounding quite unhinged) he is unable to have even-tempered discussions and more importantly, make neutral decisions. There are so many other judges, both conservative and liberal, who have better character to serve this lifetime position.

      1. ” A supreme court justice’s job is to interpret the law of the land in a non-biased, impartial manner that benefits all the citizens of our country.”

        Sadly, it seems that the word “is” in that sentence is quickly becoming “was”.

        The partisan brutality of Kavanaugh’s responses, and the Republican panel member’s egging on of his self indulgent rage were demoralizing.

  9. I agree with you, Gabby, and with all who’ve commented so far. I believed her and found him rageful, entitled, and far from non-partisan. The Republicans summarizing at the end left me believing that they are planning to confirm him anyway, and the sooner the better. They could care less about the truth of what happened. I am 71 years old. Though I wrote #metoo last year, I didn’t go into the details of the assaults I have suffered when I was younger (between 20 and 37 years old). Those have been playing over in my mind and making me feel ill. Our society is a very sick one — violent, sexist, and racist. I pray that people are not only going to vote, but that they are going to convince their “un-engaged” and/or cynical friends to vote too. If we can’t flip the Congress to Blue in November, I fear we are doomed in so many ways… the climate, the government, the animals, and women and people of color. Thank you, Gabby, for always speaking up courageously.

  10. I don’t live in the US but we are American citizens. The politics of my homeland make me hurt and I cannot imagine moving with my children back to the US. Tonight at dinner, I did something I did not think I would ever do. I had a very, very frank discussion with my 11 year old son about rape (his 8 year old brother was listening and cried but did not want to be part of the exchange yet he didn’t want to leave the table either). I didn’t want to have that conversation but he needs to know why I require he ask before he sits on my lap and across me on the couch (we’re a cuddly family). He needs to know why being bigger and stronger means he has to be more responsible for his body. He needs to see that how he treats someone now has lasting consequences. His response helps me feel better about the future because his response to hearing the awfulness that Dr. Blasey Ford experience was “Why would anyone do that to someone?”

  11. I was able to catch some of the coverage in bits while at work. I plan on watching all of it now that I am at home. I am so fed up with these angry republicans. The fact that they are in a rush to vote makes me physically ill.

  12. Orin Hatch was horrific and belittling…I felt ashamed he was my senator! I cried for every women who was never heard. So sad!

  13. I watched and listened to almost the entire hearing today and my head is still spinning. This is what I disliked the most: The Republicans and Kavanaugh himself, kept saying that they didn’t doubt Ford’s account that she was sexually assaulted…it just wasn’t HIM. The Republican senators who were defending him knew they couldn’t tear her character down or they’d be screwed. So instead they said poor Dr. Ford, we believe she experienced this trauma, but just not with him.

    But Dr. Ford left absolutely NO room for that argument. She said she knew with 100% certainty it was Kavanaugh.

    But somehow they’re trying to play it both ways. They want to be the good guys who of course believe women when they speak of their sexual assault, while at the same time still believing Kavanaugh. Sorry, you don’t get to do that fellas. One of them is lying and you have to choose sides. You don’t get to play it both ways.

  14. I want to point out that had ANY woman behaved the way Kavanaugh did today… interrupting, yelling, angry, accusatory and crying…she would have been deemed overemotional, hysterical and unfit for public office.

    1. You are absolutely right. What a great point. I will add this: Kavanaugh’s behavior actually did show him to be unfit for public office. He was unhinged.

  15. Thanks Gabby, as always not afraid to ask what we think about the really hard stuff. I watched riveted while home, and listened in the car when I had to leave. I cried at times during Ms Ford’s testimony, and as many commenters said I kept wishing I could let her know how proud and amazed I was. She was credible, and humble and helpful and collegial and when something hit her hard she nodded solemnly and may have wept in the most quiet dignified manner Ive ever witnessed from someone in the midst of what had to be the hardest moments of her life. He on the other hand was aggressive and rude and never really answered a question. My biggest take away was that even if he were not to have committed this assault his angry belligerent then weepy demeanor do not seem suited to his current position let alone the job he’s applying for. In addition his open hostility towards liberals, Democrats and the left seem inconsistent with one who must be impartial and non-partisan. I’m left wondering when voters will wake up and realize it’s up to us to make the changes needed. People keep asking when will these old white men fade away, well they won’t ….. We must Vote Them Out! 💪🏼💗💪🏼

  16. As I prepared for my work day this morning my husband was listening to Dr. Ford’s testimony. I had to ask him to turn it off. Just hearing the emotional strain in her voice was terribly triggering for me. In her voice I heard my own voice and remembered being assaulted and I again heard the voices of my friends as they’ve shared the stories of their sexual assaults. I have a hard time with the term “I believe her”. To me it’s not about believing her or disbelieving her, instead it’s about seeing her, listening to her (or in my case reading about her) and knowing that she is telling her truth. It’s about supporting her. It’s about knowing that no one would willingly put themselves in such a vulnerable position unless they felt that an enormous responsibility had landed upon them. This whole process, from the very beginning of his nomination has been nauseating and disappointing. Thank you, as always, Gabby, for your willingness to support and host difficult conversations. Time to take a relaxing bath.

  17. Reading these comments sheds so much light on how much women rock and support each other. Speak louder ladies; there are so many women who need to hear your voices. laura

  18. I have been following it at times during the day, I’m not in the US but my goodness, it baffles the mind how those men are in charge of what is supposed to be the world leader. Crazy. Scary. Troubling.

    Meanwhile (yes I’m bragging), my country’s leader is wrapping up her United Nations trip with her 3 month old baby and speaking about the importance of kindness. Never ever been so happy to be a Kiwi.

    I hope things in the US get better soon.

  19. I couldn’t sleep after watching. I am feeling the same sense of doom I felt after the 2016 election. Our daughters deserve better.

  20. It’s a scary situation. I am not following up on this, mainly because I feel it doesn’t matter. I just feel justice will not be served but I salute her for speaking up and taking a stand.

    We need to take a stand for equality. We want to be heard and we deserve the same respect because we were made to stand with the men, not just beside them (for support).

    Sending love her way and praying for strength to deal with it.

  21. I watched the hearing as well and I have many mixed feelings. I can’t believe that one of them is lying-they both seem so sincere. I feel empathy for both of them as well. Both of their lives have been severely disrupted and their families have suffered as well. Unlike many of you, I actually thought Kavanaugh’s statement was sincere and moving. I think he has actual facts on his side (all of the people Dr. Ford said were at the party stand on his side, even her friend). I love Kavanaugh’s sentiments towards Dr. Ford-he and his family are civil and even pray for her. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all feel that way towards each other? Why are we saying men are lucky we’re seeking equality and not revenge? We revere Dr. Martin Luther King and Ghandi for having exactly the opposite platforms even in the face of severe abuse. It’s disappointing that there is so much anger, pushing of political agendas, and ruined lives surrounding this hearing.

    1. “I love Kavanaugh’s sentiments towards Dr. Ford-he and his family are civil and even pray for her.”

      I feel like his time would be better spent praying for himself. If there is a God (and right now I really hope there is), the judgment dear Brett will receive after death is going to make his “disrupted” life feel like a spa day.

    2. Claire, are you new here? The backend of the blog tells me this is your first comment. Whether you are new or a long-time reader, I gotta say: Read the room. This is not the place to leave a Kavanaugh-is-such-a-great-guy comment. This is not the place to lecture women to be less angry. I have no doubt there are plenty of internet spot where you can spout your talking points (what’s the fave? Breitbart? The Federalist?), but this is not the place.

      Kavanaugh lied repeatedly. Boofing is flatulation? Bull. A Devil’s Triangle is a drinking game? Bull. Renate Alumnus is some innocent reference? Bull. He’s not calling for an FBi investigation to clear his name? Why not. Why wouldn’t he DEMAND this at every turn? Why wouldn’t he demand that Mark Judge be questioned publicly? Why won’t he take a lie detector test? (Dr. Ford did and she passed!)

      You write: “all of the people Dr. Ford said were at the party stand on his side, even her friend.” That’s more bull. Not remembering is NOT saying it did not happen. Take your bull elsewhere.

        1. Actually, Claire, don’ t go. Please stay and do as Gabby suggested. Read the room. Read the comments.

          I didn’t watch Kavanaugh’s statement, so I can’t say if he sounded sincere or not. I can’t judge him on the truth of this accusations. There’s no way to know the truth. I have to go by something else. His reputation.

          People have been drumming this into women’s heads for years. Don’t ruin your reputation. You can’t risk your reputation. Guard your reputation. What they meant was that if it came down to your word against your rapist, no one is going to believe you unless you have been perfect your whole life.

          What they didn’t say, maybe because they didn’t want to believe, is that no one was going to believe a woman even if she HAD been perfectly behaved her entire life.

          So fine. I actually think — and I tell my sons– that reputation is important. Some day, when the truth can’t be known, people will judge you by it.

          Take a look at Kavanaugh’s reputation. He has been a drunk, a hard partier, made terrible choices in the company he keeps, behaved cruelly to women, and lied repeatedly to Congress.

          I can’t know the truth of what happened 30 years ago in a Maryland suburb. I can judge Kavanaugh by his reputation. No one with his reputation should be confirmed as Supreme Court judge.

          If that means we don’t have another male nominee for the Supreme Court until we raise a generation of better male human beings, I am so down for that.

  22. How is it that we have to prove Kavanaugh is unsuitable for the Supreme Court? It’s a privilege to be appointed – not his right. The Senate should be confirming that he is the best choice. It’s the Supreme Court of the United States for goodness sake! The Republicans really couldn’t find anyone better, even if they are limiting their selections to conservative Republicans? This guy is it?

    An investigation for someone who claims to be a choir boy should benefit him, but hubris (or fear that there’s worse to be found) is behind the refusal.

  23. “If that’s you, I just want you to know there are millions of women (and plenty of men too) who are right here with you. We believe you.”

    I *know* you, and those literal MILLIONS other women, especially meant well, but ya, today, it’s not helping me. MILLIONS of women. One damn* shoe bomb *attempt* and we all stand barefoot in a terminal and are body scanned. But millions of women being assaulted every day, literally every woman I know, and it’s no freaking deal… this is just the way it is and has been since what, forever?

    ->Did you see the video of the woman who actually turns to her two young daughters for approval of her statement that “it’s just a little groping! Right?”

    She may as well have said: “Sweetheart, this year in school some boys will rub up against you, tell you inappropriate jokes trying to make you uncomfortable, outright touch your body for their pleasure, or even attempt to rape you, some may even succeed… THIS IS OK AND ACCEPTABLE!”

    My mother replied similarly with “Did you live? Well then, go on with your life, good grief!” (Why don’t we tell????)

    I keep hearing and reading this exact same phrase over and over and over– and frankly, if I hear it one more time I may explode because it feels patronizing. I have heard this phrase so many times in my life and then nothing else happens. To me this is another version of “thoughts and prayers”. If we, as friends or as a nation, want survivors to *feel* supported we need to actually *DO* something that makes them feel listened to and that the listener is motivated to change the situation – no matter how difficult that task may seem.

    Imagine what would happen if a women decided to take up their “second amendment rights!”, “stand their ground!”, and “defend themselves!” Boy howdy! I bet a whole bunch of *men* would rush to court to change those laws!

    I am angry. I am disgusted. I am tired of feeling patted on the head and then sent my way to heal on my own only to hear what happened to me WILL happen again to another person…and then having to relive every damn second of my experience as I try to support another person. I am SICK inside, literally and physically sick.

    Unfortunately, I really do believe that in the end, this will be as everything else has, and this man will end up in a life long power position because not one person in the GOP wants to challenge our supreme leader, who himself proclaimed “You’ve got to deny, deny, deny and push back on these women. If you admit to anything and any culpability, then you’re dead. That was a big mistake you made.”

    1. Omg the clip of the women telling their girls that a little sexual assault is no big deal. I needed to bleach my brain, I was so shocked and disgusted. This is the type of parent that tells their daughters that it’s a compliment to get that kind of attention. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN???

      I saw a statement that said “Fathers, today your words about Kavanaugh will determine if your daughters will turn to you when it happens to them”

  24. Gabby,

    In your twitter thread you asked people to think about men’s responsibility for unwanted pregnancies. Here we are again, focusing on women’s response to sexual assault. I’d like to focus just for a moment on the message being sent to men.

    Hey Jeff Flake! Thanks for telling 17 year old boys everywhere that nothing they do to a 15 year old girl in a locked bedroom will stop them from getting everything they want in their lives! This is just what we need to raise another generation of men like Les Moonves, Billy Cosby, Matt Later and Harvey Weinstein.

    Can you tweet that for me?
    (tongue only slightly in cheek.)

  25. I’m really having a tough time here. I’m angry. I’m struggling to be more. I’m tired. Today, I sent my daughter to school in an orange shirt to recognize the experience of First Nations in Residential schools. Between trying to explain First Nations relations in Canada and then the Kavanaugh issue to a 6 year old I feel so overwhelmed.

    While I attempt to work myself out of my stew I did come across this incredible news:

    Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland announces a new ambassador whose job will be to help champion feminist-based aid programs and advocate for more female participation in peacekeeping and conflict resolution.

    1. Liz, sending you a Canadian hug – between my disgust with everything Kavanaugh yesterday and explaining the story behind Orange Shirt Day to my two young daughters this morning I’ve cried a few times today. I feel raw and shattered. At the risk of sounding smug, I’m proud of our country and our Prime Minister for acknowledging our own horrific wrongs and working to make our country a better place for everyone. Americans: stay strong, have hope, protest loudly and VOTE.

      1. Here. Here. A Dene friend once said to me, “we are treaty people. Teach your kid about relationships and our relationship through treaties”. That it’s bit guided me a lot in my discussion this morning

        1. Liz, thank you for that info regarding the new ambassador whose job is to champion feminist-based aid programs etc.. It feels hopeful to hear this.

    2. Another Canadian (/American… For now…) here. This is slightly off topic, but can we give that woman (Chrystia Freeland) a freaking medal? I cannot imagine the ridiculous crap she’s had to deal with through the nafta negotiations, among everything else her job entails. I’ve read a bit about her but I’d like to learn more.

      As for this Kavanagh hearing, I watched some of Dr. Blasey-Ford’s testimony and I was so impressed with her. I cannot believe there are people who think she is doing this for attention. That notion makes my blood boil.
      This isn’t a trial. His life, his liberty, his property, or EVEN HIS CURRENT JOB are at risk (as far as I’m aware). This is an interview for a major job promotion. People are not hired, not promoted, and FIRED for FAR less every day. Find someone better suited. If this is the best the republican party can do, it’s in an even sorrier place than I thought (and that’s saying something!)

  26. Seriously. If you defend Kavanaugh, I hate you. I’m so angry. I was a lifelong Republican, and now I’m so ashamed of the GOP. They want to destroy our country.

  27. I’m a regular commenter who’s choosing anonymity today. I didn’t watch that much of the testimony – maybe 30 minutes of Dr. Ford’s testimony and only highlights of Judge Kavanaugh’s.

    Earlier this year my 16-year-old daughter told my husband and me that her 17-year-old (ex) boyfriend raped her. I don’t know exactly when, I don’t know where, I don’t know any specifics. To say we were blindsided and overwhelmed is understating it, but I am also so grateful that she felt she could tell us. I see so many who wait years or decades to tell anyone, and I’m sure many never do.

    This nomination process, all the news around it, and the number of people coming forward to share their stories of abuse would always have been hard anyway. It’s been so much more so now when every story I hear, I imagine my daughter.

    I actually dreamt of the testimony last night. I’m sure he will be confirmed, which only makes all of this worse. What does it say about our country’s respect for survivors if a majority of our Senators can vote for him without an FBI investigation?

  28. I’m so discouraged. This is heartbreaking for all of us now, girls and women of the future, and young men that are learning that using their bodies to take power away from woman is acceptable, as long as their are no witnesses or witnesses that will always stand with the most powerful man, no matter what the truth is.

  29. I feel so sick to my stomach. Eleven men with power who have no interest in seeking the truth. And a smug Kavanaugh with his condescending attitude towards the female D senators in the room. Just sick.

  30. I’m Canadian, but still feel completely exhausted and sad. It’s heartbreaking and indefensible that nothing has changed since Anita Hill all those years ago.

    And the thing I just can’t get over is the fact that it would change nothing for the Republican Party to put forth a new nominee. Is there no one else that would vote their way that hasn’t been accused of rape? Are they honestly saying Kavanaugh is the best they can find? Or has every other possible candidate just as bad?!?!

    These senators should be honest with the country and the world – they don’t care about women, they don’t even really care about finding the best person for the job… they want to win against the “other guys”. And that’s it.

    1. I think the Republicans believe that there is something they lose if they lose Kavanaugh: a SCOTUS judge who is on the record as a hardcore believer in Executive Branch power (conveniently only during GOP presidencies) and a hardcore believer that women (especially vulnerable women) shouldn’t have dominion over their own bodies.

      THAT’s what they’re afraid of losing.

      1. Fair and agree – but seriously… is there no one else that would fit those (quite dismal) requirements that hadn’t been accused of rape? Is he honestly the best option? What a terrifying thought. Ugh and yuck.

  31. Ugh, this just makes me sick. I keep seeing men on social media defend him, and my heart aches for all the women who have experienced an assault and now have to see all of their fears about being believed play out on a national stage.

    I understand why people don’t want his “good name” to be tarnished, but I’m just not buying any of the arguments…

    1) “Innocent until proven guilty.” A: this isn’t a trial. It’s a job interview.

    2) “His life is ruined.” A: Nope, he is still a judge and can always be a lawyer for a conservative rights firm. Also he didn’t seem to give a shit about Monica Lewinsky’s life being ruined. (PS she actually couldn’t find a job). And since when does your career = your entire life?

    3) “Convenient timing.” A: Yeah, I’m pretty sure when someone is up for arguably the most important job in the country, that IS exactly when you would have the courage to tell your story.

    4) “But the calendar…” A: Uhhh, does it not bother anyone else that a judge is calling this “evidence?” I wouldn’t expect to see “July 1: Got drunk, felt a little rape-y.” on a teenager’s WALL calendar.

    I also keep thinking “becoming a Supreme Court Justice is not a right.” There are three dozen other people who are equally (or more) qualified for the job. I could go on, but I’ll stop there.

  32. I’m feeling like this is an episode of House of Cards or The Handmaid’s Tale. It’s incredibly upsetting and triggering and once again, the world seems a much scarier and I want to hide.

  33. Hi Gabby,
    This probably won’t go down well. I’ve been watching this quietly from Australia. The politics of the situation matter none to me or mine. I’ve been afraid to say out loud what has been swirling in my head since I watched both Testimonies. I believe Dr Ford was sexually assaulted. I believe it’s possible she has the wrong guy.
    I work in child protection and it’s my whole life’s purpose to help those affected by trauma and complex trauma. I am also a survivor of child sexual abuse. I know that people ALMOST ALWAYS accurately remember their assault. The mind/brain works in very complex ways to protect oneself in traumatic situations such as sexual assault. I know that people OFTEN confuse the details of their assault such as who, what, where.
    This is not a black and white situation. The incredibly complex effects of Trauma must be taken into consideration in every single disclosure.
    Let me be completely clear. Survivors almost NEVER lie about sexual assault. This is a fact. Trauma can have complex affects on a persons memory making some of the details distorted. I have personally and professionally seen this countless times. I am astounded that an expert into Trauma related to sexual assault has not, to my knowledge been consulted. Astounded.
    I believe her.
    I believe him.

    1. I understand why someone may believe that at face value he seems authentic and believable, but personally, I found his demeanor and testimony most unsettling. I found and have been sharing this article, which I think explains why.

      It’s also worth noting that he could be telling the “truth” because he doesn’t actually remember.

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