Hello, Friends. How was your week? Are you angry? I’m angry. I’m so angry. At the end of the hearing yesterday, as I heard GOP senators apologizing to Kavanaugh, I concluded he will be appointed to the Supreme Court. A lifelong position. I concluded there was nothing Dr. Ford could have said yesterday that would have changed their minds. They were going to vote for him no matter what.
There was nothing Kavanaugh could have said that would have changed their minds either. He could have said, “Sure I got girls drunk, and my friends and I would take turns raping them all through high school and college. So what? It’s just a thing guys do.” And the entire body of Republican Senators would respond, “See? He’s so honest! I was already planning to vote for him, and now I’m even more convinced he’s the man for the job.”
I’m furious. I hate him. I hate him so much. I hate every entitled man who thinks he “deserves” a spot on the Supreme Court; that he “earned” it because he got into Yale Law School. I’m sick to my stomach when I hear women defending him. It’s so, so gross.
This is a job interview not a trial. If you are hiring someone, and you call a bunch of references, and several say the applicant sexually attacked or harassed them, then you would never hire him. Period. Even if lots of other people said he was great. As a boss you would consider him way too big of a risk. You would simply find another candidate who doesn’t come with that kind of baggage. Especially in a case like this where there are no particular time constraints, and you can carefully find another option with no rush.
This is the best option for the Supreme Court? Really?
I don’t know what else to say. I’m furious. Just a big boiling ball of rage at this point. I’ve got a few things I’ve wanted to share with you, but I’m not gonna lie, they might make you rage too.
– A bleak history of the powerful stealing victimhood for themselves.
– Kavanaugh and his high school friends bonded over a woman’s humiliation. That’s all too common.
– Today is a good day to read Audre Lorde’s “The Uses of Anger“.
– To those who don’t understand why a woman wouldn’t report a rape.
– A seafood restaurant getting its lobsters high before it boils them.
– HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO BRETT KAVANAUGH? (WP)
– It is impossible to justify the lack of a neutral investigation into the allegations against Brett Kavanaugh. (NYT)
– Eminem as a Talking Heads song.
– A meticulous analysis of online activity during the 2016 campaign makes a powerful case that targeted cyberattacks by Russian hackers and trolls were decisive.
– I think I’m into this clock.
– Connoisseurs of quiet are seeking out the few remaining corners where manmade noise — even human voices — are totally absent. (NYT)
– On a syllabus, a professor included a “policy on children in class.”
– We made pumpkin cookies this week and I have no regrets.
I hope you find good ways to channel your rage this weekend. I’ll meet you back here on Monday. I miss you already.
131 thoughts on “A Few Things”
One of my favorite memories from college was seeing a dad out in the hallway rocking a car seat with his foot while he took notes for the lecture he was listening to over a baby monitor.
Nothing much else to add. Yesterday and today, I too have been furious, to the point of feeling like I’m having a stroke.
Maybe it feels extra personal because when I was a teenager I wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice when I grew up.
I did the work, took the LSATs, got into a few big name law schools–didn’t apply to Yale, given its bro reputation, but I was admitted to UChicago and Berkeley. I ultimately didn’t feel comfortable taking on hundreds of thousands in student loan debt, and went a different way in my career.
Now I can’t imagine ever wanting to spend the rest of my life locked in a deliberation room with that angry drunk.
I ended up posting late to the discussion yesterday with similar thoughts… it boggles my mind – is Kavanaugh the best option these guys can come up with? Or do they just not care, and only care about beating the Democrats?! Either alternative is horrifying.
And a quick thank-you, Gabby. I’ve been down far too many Instagram/online click-holes in the past few days. Yours is always a safe place to land, and you always do such an excellent job of putting how I feel into words.
“Yours is always a safe place to land, and you always do such an excellent job of putting how I feel into words.”
Yes a thousand times! So very true.
“Design Mom is all about the intersection of design and motherhood.”
I miss the original direction of your blog.
When you’re a mother, you’re concerned about the direction of the world that you’re leaving for your children. I think that pre-empts house decorating.
my exact thought, Heidi.
How to channel my rage and how to raise children who recognize how wrong Kavanaugh’s and the Senate’s actions towards woman are are the two main subjects bouncing around my head for the past two days. Motherhood. Gabby is spot on.
Gabby IS spot on.
Dear DL, I miss it, too. These current issues are important and need discussion. And I heartily agree with our need to be watchful of “the direction of the world,” etc. It’s not that I don’t care, but sometimes BECAUSE of it I need to think about something else, something worthwhile but less heavy. That’s all.
Remember how we’re talking about a supreme court nominee, a position that is a life-long appointment and has the direct potential to affect negative change on the lives of our children and their autonomy over their own bodies and how worrying about this sort of thing is exactly what motherhood is all about? Yeah. Me too.
I fully agree. I miss the original direction of your blog. I began reading before you moved to France. Your blog was the first thing i would read when surfing the net. I looked forward to and was excitedly about it. Since moving back to the States, you have posted more about politics. I enjoy your creativity! I love your post s about motherhood and design. I don’t come here to get angry. I come her to be uplifted and take a break. I have been so inspired by you and your sisters. I did a color war party for my daughter afternoon seeing it here. I have tried new color schemes and styled school outfits. I love your home tour series, recipes, and design knowledge that you share. I thank you for the years of reading. I come here far less now as I don’t enjoy the politics. I read the news and form my own opinions. Sometimes I am just as angry as you are, sometimes my opinions are quite different. I respect your opinions. I just enjoy design and motherhood more than politics.
Run for office!
I second the motion! I admire how you are able to put my feelings into words. Thank you for bringing me back from the figurative ledge (so many times!).
Right? Seems like the next logical step to me.
Of all the things I’ve read today, reading how angry you are is the thing that made me cry, because I’m angry too. So angry. And I am glad to hear other people are too. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this disturbing situation- I don’t read every one of your posts or looking links but I’m very appreciative of your way of writing cogent words about things that making so angry!
You demand your government be rid of sexual abusers and yet you seem to be okay with the customary cover-ups, pay-offs for silence, mistreatment of victims and protection for abusers from complaisant leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Inc. (Makenna Denson vs. Joseph Bishop, for example) Hard for me to take your rage seriously. I find the position of Mormon Women for Ethical Treatment on Kavanaugh laughable as well for the same reasons. If you are against abuse, then speak up when it is at your front door.
Are you joking? In what way have I ever shown I’m okay with abuse coming from the Mormon Church? I speak out about crap in my church consistently. I get yelled at by Mormons every single day for taking public stances that don’t line up with the leadership of my church. Go eat an entire bag of dicks.
Jen – I guess I’m guilty too, as a Catholic, right? If you’ve read this blog long enough you’d know how often Gabby is forthright about her problems with her institutional church, as I am as a Catholic.
I’ve spent the last 2 days alternately in rage and crying – the problem at the front door is the entitlement of privileged white men and the deafening noise they make to drown out and overpower women – it doesn’t do us women any good right now to point fingers at one another.
I did laugh out loud at this Gabby.
“Go eat an entire bag of dicks.”
Such a polite way of NOT saying “suck”.
I have been following you for almost
15 years…love your posts….always have.
Love you more for that “dick” line.
Omg I laughed too! Thank you Gabby for all you do and speak out about!
I’d really like a Go Eat An Entire Bag Of Dicks tee shirt!!!! I mean I love that it’s not a half bag … but AN ENTIRE BAG. Thanks for the only laugh I’ve had about anything in the news for a very long time!
In t-shirt form.
Gabby, you are truly one of my favorite people of all time for many reasons, and also for the “go eat an entire bag of dicks” comment. There is really nothing else to say that feels more appropriate to the comment!
Sigh. There are so many women speaking out against abuse in the church, including Gabby. It is exhausting work that only gets us shamed and ridiculed by many of our own members. I would never blame a woman for leaving the LDS church, but the women who stay and fight – they are the only ones who will best be able to promote change from within.
I 100% agree with you, but more than that I’m just impressed and amazed at how you are speaking out. I’ve followed your blog for a long time (so long!) and respect you, your voice, and how you’re using your platform. When the list of Dr. Ford’s supporters was read and the Mormon Women’s group (I forget the exact name) was on that list I teared up a little. As a former conservative Christian, now liberal Christian I’m impressed with how we’re progressing and coming together against all of this.
Also, “go eat an entire bag of dicks.” That’s the best thing I’ve read in a long time!!
I laughed out loud. Literally. I needed that.
I am right there with you…so, so much anger. A friend of mine shared this little mash-up video with me this morning and after I posted it on social media another friend said it was cathartic. I realized that’s exactly what I felt watching it, catharsis! So I wanted to share it with you…it may not curb the anger but a little release heading into the weekend has to be a good thing right?
(warning, some swearing…ok, quite a bit of swearing)
The Samuel Jackson clip was indeed cathartic as was your rant Gabriel. Amen to the eating an entire bag of dicks . It has been RELENTLESS. Keep on . X
On a happier note about that clock link, we’ve had that exact clock in our home for a couple years now, and it gets compliments all the time. High recommendations for a fun change.
I share your anger. And I don’t know what to do with it, which makes me feel impotent as well as angry. Not a good combination.
Please unsubscribe from your blog as I am one of the women who is so gross because I dare to defend Kavanaugh. My husband and I actually went to college with him and never saw nor heard any instances of abuse or mistreatment by him during those years.
I do believe that Dr Ford was abused at some point and I feel deeply sorry for her. However, there is no evidence to prove that Kavanagh was the perpetrator of this abuse. The hearing yesterday was awful for both Dr Ford and Judge Kavanaugh in that political posturing took the place of investigating these matters in an appropriate and timely manner (perhaps an FBI investigation in July and not a media circus in late September).
I am neither a Democrat or Republican not will I ever identify with either group. The political process is shameful.
Hear, hear, Kate! I feel bad for both Ford and Kavanaugh. This was handled dispicably. I sure hope nobody you love is accused without due process. So yes, I’m angry. The precedent being established is disgusting and Lindsey Graham (not exactly a firebrand historically) was exactly right. I’m sorry you don’t think that anyone can care for sexual assault victims and also demand due process for the accused.
He’s not on trial, so has not been denied due process.
Oh he’s definitely on trial- just in the court of public opinion/social media and not of law.
Unsubscribe yourself. It’s not hard to figure out how. This is clearly not the right place for you.
I’m stunned that you can defend Judge Kavanaugh’s demeanor yesterday. He was disrespectful, unprofessional, inflammatory and contemptuous. Would you ever show up to a job interview and thrash about like that? (Also can you imagine if a woman dared do that? She would be called hysterical.) Whatever happened (or didn’t happen) in the 1980’s, his tone and behavior yesterday was abhorrent and absolutely unfitting for someone on the bench of the Supreme Court.
Definitely cannot agree more with you Betsy. My frat boy husband leans conservative and is middle of the road on the rape charge. But even he commented that after that behavior, Kavanaugh clearly doesn’t display the even-temper and neutral position required for the position of scotus.
As to knowing Kavanaugh’s character, people can have dark sides that they hide or are invisible to the public. They isolate their victims so that there are no witnesses. For every crime, one can always find people who are shocked that their neighbor, family member, priest or doctor could behave in such a way. “They were so nice or professional!”
Kate, no need to come here and lie. According to the backend of the blog, the email address you’re using is new to this platform. You’re not a regular reader here and are subscribed to nothing. If you support Kavanaugh I do indeed think you are gross. If I could block you from reading here I would. But blogs don’t work like that. If you want to let me know who you are on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook, I’d be more than happy to block you on those platforms. #bebest as you try to convince yourself you’re a neutral party.
I have been a reader for a long time and have genuinely enjoyed your blog. What I don’t enjoy is this idea that someone who supports Kavanaugh is gross. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how blocking someone you don’t agree with helps or makes things better. It just means your worldview gets smaller and more stagnant.
By the way, I believe Dr. Ford and hope she can heal from the trauma both from years ago and from the past few weeks. However, if I hadn’t taken the time to listen to her testimony, I would have stuck with my initial thought that maybe she just remembered what happened wrong. Anyway, I’m getting off my soap box now.
Thanks for reading for such a long time, Jessica. To answer your questions: I think a person who is supporting Kavanaugh at this point would have to conclude that A) Dr. Ford is lying. Or B) Dr. Ford is telling the truth, but it doesn’t matter to me. I find both conclusions gross. I’m not requiring you to find them gross.
As far as blocking goes, it has nothing to do with making a worldview stagnant, and everything to do with managing an online community. You can disagree with how I do it, but I’m actually pretty good at it. I manage communities on FB, Instagram, Twitter, and this blog, and I’ve handled over a million comments at this point — that’s not an exaggeration, it’s a real number.
There are posts where a wide variety of opinions is welcome. Do you hate certain flowers? Do you wear a wedding ring? Did you change your name when you married? What’s your take on taxidermy? The more voices the better!
There are other posts where people are commenting and sharing very real pain and anguish. And it’s not okay for people to chime in to say: You shouldn’t be angry. When you talk about your pain, I’m uncomfortable; can’t we talk about sofas instead? Why can’t you just say nice things? You’re mad about this, but I think you’re wrong and want you to be mad about this other thing. Both sides! Whataboutism!
In my experience, the people leaving those types of comments are very aware they are being rude. Often it’s a stranger to this community who doesn’t actually read here regularly, randomly happened upon the post, and risks nothing by being a jerk.
Being able to comment on Design Mom is not a birth right. If someone can’t read the room, contribute when appropriate, and simply read, or scroll past, when it’s not appropriate to comment, then they might lose their chance to have a voice here.
I have been a bit lost about how to process my rage and emotion and my sensitivty online and my goodness you are inspiring me. I do not have the following you do, but man, your courage and ownership of your feelings and opinions and the way you are protecting your space and well, seriously, thank you for being so amazing and inpsiring. I am proud to have been a reader and a follower of yours for so many years and to read along with you now. Thank you for sharing and writing and leading.
Thank you. Here’s to “not talking about sofas” and to being increasingly comfortable being uncomfortable. I am really grateful to have discovered the Audre Lorde speech via your blog.
Kate – to say “there is no evidence” to prove that kavanaugh was the perpetrator completely disregards the direct evidence that was put before the committee yesterday that he was, indeed, with 100% certainty, the perpetrator. Dr. Blasey-ford’s testimony is actual evidence, no matter how you look at it. #believewomen
Something that has been bothering me. If a person is black out drunk, does his or her actions reflect his or her natural ethics? I’ve blacked out twice in my life, but I don’t think I would have done anything dishonorable toward another.
Why couldn’t he be honorable and admit that he might have been drunk and doesn’t remember? Partisan politics aside, he exudes self preservation above all else.
I think he probably doesn’t remember a lot of things from parties and likely not this particular incident either. I am sure he was coached and advised to say that he never drinks to that point and that he always remembers (HIGHLY unlikely) because to say that he ‘doesn’t remember’ is to also admit that it ‘could’ have happened. I believe Dr. Ford, but I also think that at this point, Kavanaugh has proven, regardless of her accusations, that he simply does not have the temperament or professionalism to be sitting the bench on the Supreme Court. Plus, how could he possibly be impartial in trials of this nature after this? There are SO many reasons, regardless of whether he is guilty or not, that he should not be confirmed. The republicans have chosen to die on this hill simply because they don’t care what kind of person he is, only that he will forward their conservative agenda. They don’t want the process to go past the midterms for fear of not being able to put a conservative in the supreme court if more Dems get voted in. They used dirty tactics to stop Merrick Garland and now pushing forward a thoroughly unfit candidate because of timing and their own agenda. It’s disgusting.
Agreed, totally. I am so disheartened.
Dear Kate (and anyone else who subscribes to this ridiculous notion)
As a sexual assault victim, it is deeply troubling to me that another woman could write that I am to be believed, just not about who I say actually abused me. I could be Dr. Ford. My abuser was a distinguished pilot and I know, as do all other victims (excluding stranger attacks) who abused me. It is so insulting to read your words, it’s like being re-victimized again and makes me physically ill. Save everyone the bullshit and just admit you don’t believe her-at all.
You didn’t hear about incidences of abuse or misconduct by Kavanaugh, therefore, none occurred?
So, by that logic, you did HEAR about incidences of abuse or misconduct, therefore it MUST have occurred? It must be 100% true? Is that the standard of guilt or innocence in our country?
No Kate. I’ve not asserted his guilt, just questioned the logic of your statement.
Even if you don’t believe Ford and the other accusers (and I do), how on earth can you support someone for the Supreme Court – not a job at a 7-11, for heaven’s sake – who had printed beside his yearbook photo what he did?
So much was disgusting and contemptuous of women and the Renate alumnius thing was just…..so far beyond the pale of human decency, I can’t even. How can you defend someone who displays such lack of respect for a fellow human? How can you defend someone who, having behaved that way as an 18 year old, 35 years later evinces no growth, no remorse or regret for such actions, and whose lies defending it are so incredibly transparent, it’s clear he places no value at all on decent people’s opinions, because he know his bros will protect him? How can you support someone for a position that wields such power over our country and relies on dispassion, wisdom, integrity and mature judgement when he shows exactly none of those?
If you personally support him and his family and want to make a kind gesture to let him know that hasn’t changed, whatever, we each define our own bounds of friendship..
But if you support him as a Supreme Court nominee, because he never assaulted you or anyone in your view – yeah, you are a disgusting human being. Gross. Go away. You aren’t fit for decent company.
May I ask an honest question: Why do I never see this outrage or “hate” directed toward Bill Clinton? (For the record, I voted for Clinton both times, so I’m not coming at this from a Republican standpoint). It just strikes me that the evidence of sexual assault against Clinton is so much stronger and better corroborated than that against Kavanaugh, but I’ve never seen much anger about it. Is it because he’s a Democrat?
It’s a generation later. People who are currently speaking up may have been children at that time. Social Media also changed what we hear when we hear it and how we respond to it. I’ve certainly matured and changed since he was in office.
You make a valid point Melissa, thank you.
! Bill Clinton is not running for office, nor is he a Supreme Court nominee. He has no power; whatever wrongs he has committed (and I’m quite willing to believe he has) will not affect his future job performance or decisions. He’s a jerk in a lot of ways, but it’s not apples to apples, and bothsiderism does not apply here. He’s history, literally.
Think back to the 2016 campaign–I know it seems like a lot longer than 2 years–Bill’s misdeeds were used against Hillary. Remember Trump bringing Bill’s women to the debate? When it was Hillary who was running?
And to several of you above, I respectfully submit that you’re still not getting it. This is not a trial. It is a job interview, and Kavanot failed miserably. Would you hire someone who screams at you, insults you, and ignores your questions? The more important the job the more challenging those questions are going to be, and if someone will not answer calmly, honestly, and rationally, they have proved themselves incapable of doing a job that requires those qualities.
Yeah, I’m angry. I’m a childhood sexual (and physical and emotional) abuse survivor, and this has been pushing all my buttons. My abuser was an attorney, so watching them try to slime out of it by pretending that this needs to be proved beyond a shadow of a doubt to even be considered. has been particularly triggering
I think it’s because of blogs and social media. We are able to connect, talk, interact, and engage over news events in an entirely different way than when Clinton was in office. Social media has changed everything. It’s much more in our face now than before (if you are on social media that is).
Jen, you sound like a troll. You’ve never seen anger about it? Seriously? There has never been a news story of sexual harassment since he was in office, where Clinton was not mentioned. I mean. In the Weinstein coverage alone, Clinton gets talked about in at least 60-65% of the articles and reports. His treatment of women gets brought up constantly and a whole lot of people are still pissed off, including me — I’ve gone off on Bill Clinton on this blog multiple times. I didn’t vote for him. And I have no respect for him.
No, I’m not a troll. Sorry if I came off that way. Wasn’t stating I had never seen anger over Clinton, just not the same level that I’m seeing now. Been reading your blog for years, but missed when you went off on Clinton. Good for you. I’m disappointed in myself for having supported him, and just posed the question because I wondered if others felt the same “double” standard (if that’s the right word).
It is a valid question at first glance and one I’ve had to grapple with about my own stance back then. I liked him as a president so I told myself it didn’t matter if he was a slime. But I was also in my 20’s then and like to think that I have (gasp) grown up a bit. I have forgiven myself for my former mistake and more important than that ADMITTED I was wrong. I’m “woke” now and hope others can be too rather than focusing on whataboutism from a less-woke past.
I agree with you 100% Jen–must be the name. :)
Another Jen who agrees with the first Jen. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I supported him as a young 20-something even though I found his actions disgusting. I have learned and read a lot since then and I would never support a similar candidate like that now. And PS – maybe all the Jens should change their name for this blog? I’m totally lost in this thread! haha!
As I watched the testimony from Judge Kavanaugh yesterday, what struck me so forcefully is his demeanor. He was angry, paranoid — it’s a plot by the Democrats — and anything but non partisan. He was rude and his facial expressed contempt for members of the Senate. His life is in turmoil; I get that. But his behavior yesterday was inexcusable for someone who will be a Supreme Court judge.
And many Democrats, like myself, were angry at Bill Clinton’s behavior. I think the difference is that he didn’t actually deny it. He equivocated, but he did not deny it. And it was consensual, even there was a big age and power difference. What happened to Dr. Ford was NOT consensual. Therein lies a major difference.
This matters so much to motherhood. I have a daughter— it matters to me that the attempted rape of a girl her age is no big deal for the Senators picking a candidate for the highest court in the land when there are so many other options out there. And I have three sons— white guys, just like Kavanaugh. It matters to me that all these people are dismissing Kavanaugh’s behavior as “boys will be boys.” Not my boys. My husband and I want to raise them to be good men. Kavanaugh was clearly not a good boy, and is evidently every bit as entitled as a man as he was as a 17-year-old, but now it’s a Supreme Court seat he thinks he’s entitled to, not a young girl’s struggling body.
This is a perfect assessment: “This is a job interview not a trial. If you are hiring someone, and you call a bunch of references, and several say the applicant sexually attacked or harassed them, then you would never hire him. Period. Even if lots of other people said he was great. As a boss you would consider him way too big of a risk. You would simply find another candidate who doesn’t come with that kind of baggage.”
Agreed! A great assesssment. I’ll mention that this actually happens all the time. At even a hint of a controversy or rumor, school administrators won’t hire a teacher. And I’m sure it really sucks for people who are innocent, but would we be willing to risk the safety of our children? I sure as hell wouldn’t. I would hope that the role Supreme Court Justice is just as important.
Thank you for posting about your anger – thank you for being as fed up and sick to death as I am. I am sick to death of white me. Giving white men a pass on EVERYTHING. Obviously the saddest answer in the world is yes, these men, and quite a few women, would hire someone that has been accused of sexual assault. Because in their soul, they do not believe it is a crime. Because if they did, the gut reaction would have been immediately to have another, directed FBI investigation into any sexual assaults – and I think his drinking should be investigated too. Honestly, didn’t the phrase ‘what happens at Georgetown prep, stays at Georgetown prep’ ring any warning bells? Are we to believe that they were referring to test scores? An untucked shirt? A mustard stain from lunch? What exactly is Georgetown Prep keeping? I think we all know. Which makes the mock outrage and obsequious apologies directed to Brett Kavanaugh all the more galling. We know who he is. They know who he is – and they are pushing it into our faces that we can’t do anything about it.
That yearbook! So damning.
Gabby, thanks for everything – your anger, your eloquence, your refusal to take shit from commenters spouting nonsense. I love this site and truly appreciate everything you do.
Gaby – I’m a longtime reader who never comments but just wanted to say thank you. I love what you say and how you say it. Thank you for being unafraid to use your platform. You somehow manage to encapsulate all the things floating around haphazardly in my mind. Thank you for being a true advocate for women. Your daughters are so lucky to have you.
Gabby, I so appreciate how candid you are in dealing with such divisive issues. These feel like such troubling, uncertain times and nothing seems to be getting better. It is my hope that you will find a way to use your intelligence, strength and leadership in some sort of political office. The world needs you!
It was such a hard week. Thank you for talking about this on your blog and not pretending that you live in some bubble of parenting and design outside of this reality. It means so much that you speak out and give a space for us to know we’re not alone.
I’m a survivor (decades past) and this was such a hard week.
by the way, not just in this case, I thank you for all of it. Please don’t stop.
Thank you for this. I’ve been so angry. So so so angry. It’s good to know other feel the same.
Thank you. I’m right there with you in anger and fighting off despair. Thanks for voicing what so many feel right now.
Apart from the hearings, I have many reasons to question Kavanaugh’s character: first, Mark Judge’s published writings about the party culture he shared with his high school comrades and second, Kavanaugh’s involvement in crafting explicit questions about sexual activity during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. (Years later. . . who suffered the greatest from these details?) Finally, would someone like Dr. Ford really put everything on the line (as a “liar”) for the sake of a political agenda? Many women who report sexual assault expect to be perceived as “liars.” So– did Dr. Ford purport to lie about the very matter (sexual assault) for which she knows that many people would presume to be untrue? In my understanding, people put everything on the line. . . .lay it out there. . . take the greatest possible risks. . . for truth. If Dr. Ford did lean into false memories at the request of powerful people for the purpose of political gain, why? Would this type of behavior not be a distinguishable character trait throughout her life? Has anyone come forward and said, “Christine is a pathological liar?”
Well stated, Caroline.
Anger can’t even describe the rage that developed the last few days. Rage towards those men standing up for that man and for that man himself. Rage because his feelings seemed to matter more than what happened. Rage, because she was discounted. Rage, because i get why she never said anything back then. Rage, because it happened to me too. Rage, because #boyswillbeboys and he was just joking when he touched me down there. Rage, because no one would believe me since he was “a good guy.”
I never spoke about it until now and sad that it was rage that made me feel strong enough to say #metoo.
I can only find some peace in hopes that Dr. Ford knows she did the right thing and forever grateful for her strength.
Linda, I believe you. Sending you love and light!
Another one saying thank you for using your platform this way. It helps to know others feel the same heavy paralysis and despair. I already feel more ready to fight back after hearing similar voices. Must replay the pulp fiction mashup!
Thank you for writing what I’m not able to say because I’m sputtering with incredulity.
Yes, SO ANGRY. I’m so, so angry. I spent yesterday feeling like I wanted to flip a table over, smack someone, and shriek with rage. I have decided to embrace my role as Angry Lady and use my rage to challenge male colleagues when they — even and especially unknowingly — demean women with casual remarks. I work in a very male-centric workplace and i’m still rather junior, so I don’t tend to speak up, but yesterday I did. Sometimes I had to punch them in the face inside my head first, but then I said something. I’m trying, trying to channel this anger into something useful. I spent so many hours in a row close to shaking with rage and i worry the toxic qualities of that anger will poison my soul. But then I think maybe that’s ok for right now. I’d love to hear your thoughts on focusing this anger, making it an effective tool to create change.
I’ve been telling myself I need to do something with my rage, even if it is small. The November election is in 38 days now so some of the ways I’m channeling my anger:
1. Calling your senators, even if it’s to thank them for voting no. I have one senator I keep calling to vote no and one to thank.
2. I ask myself each week: What can I do every week to support candidates for the election? My current options have included:
3. Make a donation, even if it’s $5
4. Looking into opportunities to canvas
5. Texting my friends to make sure they are registered to vote
6. Researching ballot issues
7. I’ve also decided this election season to be more vocal about voting and why I’m voting and what matters to me on social media. Previously I would post every once and awhile but peer pressure helps!
8. If you’re interested in helping women in your communities find an organization and get involved!!
I hope this helps!!
I am full of rage. The condescending atrocities kava kavanaugh displayed was appalling. Lies about his yearbook (the fake outrage over his “friend” Renate…..come on, we all know what Rente alumni meant). It’s disgusting and the white patriarchy cheered him on. Sick to my stomach. THANK you for using your platform to share your outrage.
I am also angry and so disappointed.
Maybe, just maybe if we actually held people accountable for decisions they made in high school/college our society would take a turn for the better. Maybe kids would think before they speak, think before they drink, think before they inhale and think before they touch. When will bad behaviors stop? Never. Especially if we don’t change the mind set of entitled white people who don’t think they will ever have to answer for their behaviors…regardless of how long ago it happened. I believe in forgiveness and second chances, however, you lose your right to hold one of the highest offices in all the land the minute you put your selfish entitled desires over those of others….that means any disregard for the law…specifically underage drinking and any form of assault. Teenage behaviors have lasting consequences for many, why not all? Maybe if they did, the rising generation would understand and embrace the ability of being decent human beings, thinking before speaking/acting and accepting consequences. It is important for the rising generation to understand this now more than ever. What you say and do in a digital world will not be forgotten. No matter when it happened. Let’s teach them now. This shouldn’t be a political issue, it’s a human one.
Thank you Senator Flake…he didn’t do enough, but at least it was something.
Gaby, Thank you for your amazing words and all the great article links. So often I forward your page to friends to share your insights. Your writing helps me make sense of my own thoughts. What you say resonates me so often, I’m also a mom of 6, ages 6 to 16 and also struggle with my church/faith at times, I am a Catholic. Your honesty is so powerful. Thank you!
Even if someone believes him, I can’t imagine how they would look past his ugly, partisan reaction to the questioning. Is this someone that I would want evaluating the laws of this country? A million times no. He proved to me that he’s unfit regardless of what he did in high school.
oH MY -WHAT A GREAT POST. I’ve also enjoyed the comments from the heart of many who are also angry. I am so angered by Kavanaugh’s pious, disgusting behavior. He’s an alcoholic. Too bad he’s still in denial. He needs to be removed from any judge position. But I’m more angry with the Republican Senate with their total disregard for women-including the female Republican Senators who only care about themselves. Finally, there will be an investigation but we’ll see if any of them have the cojones to do the right thing.
Thank you for your writing.
I just keep wondering, why did any US Senator permit a man to scream at a Senate Committee for thirty minutes? I would have applauded any Senator who insisted, “You will lower your voice and show this institution the respect that it deserves or you will go home. We are the elected representatives if the people of the United States and you can be respectful or you can leave.” Hard to do after Sen Graham starts his own screaming fit. But it might have been the slightest glimmer of hope that could have gotten me through.
If this process is too emotionally difficult for Mr. Kavanaugh he should withdraw his nomination. Credible evidence of vile, criminal assault has been presented and must be investigated if his nomination is to continue. If that offends him, again, he should go home.
Gaby – do not stop. You have built a place people need. Thank you.
I don’t know where I found the link to your blog but it’s the best thing to happen in the past few days. I’m so angry that I’m actually thinking of moving out of the country. Just waiting to see how the mid-terms, go.
Cynthia, your story is very moving, and I am keeping you in my prayers tonight.
Thank you, Dorf.
THANK YOU, GB! This post—and your moderation of the comments— is exactly what I needed. I’m so angry, so distracted, so appalled, but so so heartened by the sisterhood this moment is creating.
I read through nearly all the comments and I am a regular reader so I’m just hoping I don’t upset you Gabby, or the community, bc I really enjoy and feel challenged by your ideas.
And I don’t always agree with you but you push me to question my assumptions and inherent biases. I’m still grappling with your provocative abortion post and it has really made me think. And I thank you for that so I want to share with you how I feel on this nomination.
I am a lawyer by training and I hold the Supreme Court in the highest regard. I also am truly apolitical but i a practicing Catholic. That is my baggage.
I believe Dr.Ford.
I sobbed in my kitchen listening to her testify.
What I find so troubling is the political posturing on both sides. I find it incredibly troublesome that the committee’s Senate investigators and FBI weren’t informed of her letter immediately by her Congresswomen and Senator Feinstein. I think there was a duty here, regardless of dr. ford’s wishes for anonymity, to inform the authorities of this accusation while the active background investigation was occurring.
But that is payback for the inexcusable treatment of Judge Merrick Garland, the most eminently qualified nominee this court has seen this generation. Those aren’t my words, they belong to George Will. Judge Garland should be Justice Garland. Full stop.
Yet, before the rage, Judge Kavanaugh sounded, the way an innocent man fighting for his life, would sound.
BUT he also went so so beyond what is acceptable for a Supreme Court Justice, that in my view, his behavior and the absolute biases he has vocalized immediately disqualify him for the Bench. I’d argue I don’t know if he is fit for being an appellate judge either.
So that is where I stand. It is a sad day for our nation. The tribalism we see is devouring us. How do we stop it?
And Gabby, I totally agree, you should consider running for office.
Yes, the political posturing on both sides bothers me so much. Her pain, and her experience is being exploited for political purposes. None of them really, actually CARE about survivors but want to act like they do. It’s just a sham. I’m so sick of politicians and their power hungry actions. None of them have matured out of junior high. And, yes, what they did to garland was horrible.
Thank. I’m so enraged too. The way he spoke, the way he was so vile in a public appearance should disqualify him from the court. The double standard of him crying. All of it infuriates me. It is a disaster. Thank you for fighting this fight with us!
Thank you, Gabby, for sharing. Thank you to so many women commenting for sharing. In this social climate, when it often feels so bereft of understanding and belief, reading these words help me know I am not alone. And women are incredibly powerful, strong, and able to help change the course of history.
Thank you, Gabby. I too am furious, and sick to my stomach about what is going on with Trump, GOP, & Co. Thank you for the clarity and strength of your voice. The Trump-GOP organized crime ring’s actions are despicable on every front. Their bald-faced lying and contempt for women is horrific. I am SO grateful that you and SO many of us are speaking up, speaking out. It will be a devastating blow if Kavanaugh gets confirmed. We need to keep calling and making our voices heard to those in power. Then, the single most important thing we can ALL DO is to VOTE, and to bring others with us to VOTE.
I’m a regular reader looking on in horror at this week’s events from the UK. I admire your bravery in being so open in your stance when other bloggers may be keeping quiet to keep their sources of potential revenue happy. Keep up the fantastic work but also your self care to stay healthy in these troubling times.
Gabby, thank you for this post!!!!
P.S. I’ve been channeling my rage into donations to Dem candidates. Hoping Beto O’Rourke could soon replace Ted Cruz on the Senate Judiciary committee! https://betofortexas.com/deadline
Thank you for sharing your experiences so honestly and openly, Lin. It helps other people to understand.
Gabrielle, let me start by saying that I REALLY enjoy your design series on this blog. It is so fun to see such beautiful variety in where and how people live. You do a great job! I do think it might be best for you to tone down the political content and anger in your tone, especially in your replies to a few of your readers who disagreed with your stance on the Kavanaugh/Ford issue. I imagine a lot of your readers actually disagree with you, and I know you’d like to maintain a diverse group of readers. Diversity is, afterall, what makes your home tours so lovely and refreshing. I also disagree with your stance, but that is ok, right? I think that we have no proof yet that he abused her, and until then, I personally don’t hate him. I think you might have lots of readers who don’t hate him and I don’t think it’s great to criticize those people. I’d love to keep reading and enjoying your beautiful stories on people’s homes, but certainly felt your hostility towards me because I don’t share your political opinions. It makes it hard to want to come back. Keep up the great design work and just remember that many of your readers will have different perspectives than you. And that’s ok! (Like a previous commenter, I affiliate with neither party, but certainly have strong opinions about a variety of issues and always like to hear the debate out before making my decisions).
We have the proof that Dr. Ford said with 100% certainty, that he, a person known to her, did assault her. I am so perplexed by all these people needing an eye witnesses. Isn’t it obvious most people do not commit sexual assault in front of witnesses on PURPOSE and that anyone who is a witness and did nothing is an accomplice and inclined to lie for self preservation? I think it is okay to have a different opinion on many issues, but it is NOT okay to have a different option on whether or not a sexual assaulter has a right to a seat on the Supreme Court. Of course they don’t. Welcoming different perspectives does not mean welcoming alternative facts, and the fact is to support Kavanaugh is condoning perjury, a crime, and no that is not okay. I have the upmost respect for Gabrielle who it appears would rather have fewer readers, than pander to people who hide behind the phrase “different perspectives,” to represent inexcusable views.
I sincerelly hope Claire, that you are never in a position for someone to say about you or someone you love: “I’m sorry, but I just have a different perspective, I disagree with you, I don’t believe you were assaulted.”
HI, Lin and Kate. Thank you for your replies. I know people are so passionate and heated about this issue in particular and I totally get that! I think you both missed the point of my comment. My point was that I really enjoy reading design blogs. I do not enjoy reading political blogs. When I come here I am looking for design inspiration, which I get in Gabrielle’s series on people’s homes. I love it. It’s a positive environment. Women of all races, places, backgrounds, and levels of income are represented and praised for the way they curate and live in their homes. When you start into the angry political posts, it becomes such a hateful and negative environment. Some of the hateful replies and cuss words used in these comments are shocking. Wow! I also never said I didn’t believe this woman was assaulted. That’s a big assumption you make. My opinion on this issue is of no matter – I was just commenting that I enjoy a design space that is encouraging and free of all this angry banter. I won’t comment anymore, just wanted to share my two cents as a reader of Gabrielle’s blog.
“[I] have strong opinions about a variety of issues and always like to hear the debate out before making my decisions”
I think it’s worth mentioning that if one likes to hear the debate out before making decisions, you actually need to read people who disagree with you–and not just pundits and NYT op eds, but regular folks like Gabby or Kate or Lin. I like to read a lot of different viewpoints from a lot of different sources–both professional sources and personal blogs/Facebook–to help inform my thinking and get a pulse on the issue. Sometimes it’s been really hard to hear, but the perspectives on this blog in particular have helped me think really hard this year.
Claire, I think you have deeply underestimated how angry I am. You ask: I also disagree with your stance, but that is ok, right? And my answer is: No. It’s not okay. If you can’t concede that Brett Kavanaugh lied his way through the hearing (especially after reading this), then I am left to conclude you are an irresponsible citizen, and I have no interest in your thoughts or opinions.
Diversity of opinions is only valuable, if the opinions aren’t based on lies. If you share an opinion here that’s based on a lie, then you are simply spreading lies. And that is not welcome here.