I’ve got a (possibly scandalous!) question for you related to last week’s discussion about Cosmetic Procedures. But first, some backstory:
On our visit to the beach at Deauville, we were getting our chairs and towels situated, when I looked up and realized many of the women on the beach were topless. Not everyone, mind you — I didn’t feel at all out of place wearing my swimsuit — but there were plenty of examples. It’s not like this was an official “topless beach,” it was just a normal public beach, and if you wanted to sunbathe topless, you could. This was the first time I had ever been to a French beach, so I didn’t know, but I’ve since heard it’s the norm here. And I have to say, it was not at all what I imagined a topless beach to be.
Before I visited Deauville, the words “topless beach” brought to mind something scandalous — like a frat party from a movie or a glimpse into life at the Playboy mansion. But the women I saw on the beach were not 18 year olds, they were my peers. Some younger, some older, but pretty much all of them with children and a husband, having a regular family day at the shore. I didn’t want to stare, but I couldn’t help notice these were women who had evidently nursed their children. : ) I was unexpectedly impressed by these women. They weren’t trying to draw attention to themselves, and they weren’t trying to be “sexy”, but they were totally comfortable in their skin and they had very normal bodies — among the full spectrum of “normal”.
Now, I realize there are different standards of modesty in different cultures — from burkas to topless bathing. (Fun fact: I’m a Mormon, and there are some Mormons who believe showing your shoulders is immodest.) I also realize that Americans are nutso when it comes to breasts — implants are commonplace, but women go to great lengths to cover up while nursing their babies. Bizarre! So, pretending modesty isn’t part of the equation, my question is: How do you feel about your body? Are you confident enough in your skin to hang out at the beach topless? (I don’t think I am.) Also. Have you ever visited a beach with topless bathers? Was it shocking?
image by Oh Happy Day
I remember an incident when I was maybe 15. I’ve been on a beach in Croatia with my mom and most women over 25 went topless. When my mum took of her bikini I was so embarassed by it and told her to cover up (I know, not very nice) but she simply told me not to be a prude and to take my bikini of, to get more sun on my body. I finally did it and at first it felt odd but a few hours later I simply forgot about it. When i went swimming I took the bikini on again, somehow it felt inapropriate to walk around with my nude “breastes”. Now going topless is not much of an issue to me, I do it occasionally when I see other women without a bra too and I feel just normal with it. I must say that I’m not very comfortable with my body but it’s a bigger issue to me to go from taking of my clothes to be in a bathing suit then from taking of the top of my bikini. Does that make any sense?
But when I’ve been to France two years ago with a couple of my friends I didn’t take my bikiny of. I think I would have felt uncomfortable showing my breasts in front of my male friends – but when I’m with girls only or with older men or women it’s not a problem at all. Without a bikini top you just get a much better tan.
Like Di, I’ve never seen anyone topless on a Scottish beach, but that’s temperature-related. You’re considered brave to enter the North Atlantic or North Sea without a wetsuit on. There are “naturists” in Scotland who holiday in warmer parts of Continental Europe and go topless regardless of the palidity of their skin.
And now that I’m living in LA, I’ve not seen anyone topless here despite the amiable beach weather. I’d always assumed that there were strict “indecency” laws.
My personal shyness stems from my flabby tummy, but I have no problem in going topless otherwise or breastfeeding in public. That said, I do feel self-conscious when I’m stared at by passerbys.
This has been a really interesting read, as a nearly 50 year old brit who has breast fed 3 children for a year each time, I go topless on french beaches because I love the feel of the sun on my skin, my husband and children(10,13 and 14) have no problem with it.
I find it really sad that so many women have only seen young/augmented breasts and not those of other women in all their variations, it’s no wonder that women feel inadequate about their bodies. Despite what some men think, a breasts primary purpose is to feed a baby not as a sex toy.
I found this topic super interesting since I just got back from the beach on Wednesday. With my new baby in tow, I had to nurse while at the beach, but you can bet I was sheepish and buried under towels and blankets. I had to laugh about Maude “being embarrassed for the world” — I can just imagine! LOL!
I always thought I would not have a problem going topless. Once unexpectedly faced with the opportunity, however, I could not go through with it . . .
This is something that still keeps me busy from time to time – especially in summer – wink-. However, things have seriously turned for negative since our kids have grown (the eldest, a boy, is 7 in just a month and a half). Not only do I keep myself covered (swimsuit, two pieces bikini, but swimsuit nevertheless), we also carefully choose the beach we’re going to, permanently looking out for any semi / nudity. Kids are so curious…
That doesn’t mean I don’t approve or understand topless sunbathing. Au contraire. I did it too. Even if I had already breastfed two kids.
Also – I think breastfeeding isn’t immodest. It’s the best thing to do for the baby and the mother. However, it should be done in private. But not because of the “showing” part but because most babies tend to be easily distracted and forget about eating if they hear / see anything in their immediate proximity.
I would definitely have the confidence to go topless, in fact I already have. Confidence with nudity most certainly has a great deal to do with the society and culture you are surrounded by. I feel like going topless or completely nude is very liberating. Just like when you were a child running in the yard completely naked!
I visited France and Italy 2 years ago with my husband, his sister and his best friend. We only visited two beaches (one in Annecy and one in Massa) and saw some topless sunbathers of different ages. My companions were uncomfortable (especially the boys) but I’m a bit more of a heathen than the rest of them and I thought the women looked really pretty and comfortable, and I was jealous. I’m pear shaped, so if any clothing is staying on in public, it’s the trousers for sure. But if I’d been on those beaches without my companions? That top would have been off in a flash! (no pun intended :)
I’m British and 54 – I first encountered topless bathing as a pert 23 year old in the South of France in 1978. Although virtually every woman and girl on the beaches was sans top, it took me three days to pluck up the courage. Since then I have rarely sunbathed with a top on, even on UK beaches and at home. My three grown up children have always taken it for granted that their mother sunbathes topless. Like Nick I have breastfed my children and share her sentiments about the joy of it!
Design Mom, I think you need to come clean… did you actually go topless or not on your trip to the French beach?
Assuming you didn’t, I think you should try it and post again on this topic!
What an interesting debate… I am American raised however have lived in England for nearly 30 years. I told my new boyfriend, who is American that I go topless when on a beach in Europe, in the privacy of my own home in my garden if the weather is ever good enough to do so, at my family home in America around my family. They were all uncomfortable with it initially but once I had been topless for an hour laying on the blow up device in the pool drinking a cocktail they were soon realised it wasnt a big deal. I really dont like swimming or sunbathing with lots of fabric on and so i find it really restricting. I do not have breasts that any man would swoon over however my new boyfriend is horrified that I would go topless in front of others. I am going to have to bring him to a beach in Europe to show him that it isnt a sexual exploit as many people here have mentioned. Old old ladies go topless and children are topless and the 40 somethings that have had children, have cellulite, a little extra winter fuel do in fact go topless like myself. Why do men feel that it is so terrible if their woman does it but happy to look at other women who do it??? Double standard???
This isnt helped by the fact that he has said it is because I am “his woman”. :) You can imagine this comment didnt go down too well…. The need to educate men is frightening!!!
We’re moving to Portugal this summer, and I plan on fully enjoying the laid-back attitude they have toward the human body there. I’m comfortable in my own skin, for the most part, and I don’t consider my breasts something to be shy about in a setting like a top-optional beach. I think having my son is what really did it for me – my body feels like “just a body” now instead of some sort of troublesome appliance that I have to fuss over and worry about. I used to feel detached from my body in a way, like it was a dress that I had to be very careful not to wrinkle or stain, but I’m much more one with it now that “we” have been pregnant, given birth, nursed, and spent a lot of casual time naked in front of a boy. Also, having a little one that runs naked and free sometimes has really desexualized nudity for me.
Studying abroad in France, on a beach no less, I spent an entire semester topless on the beach. The first time it was awkward, but it quickly became the norm. Once, while laying out with my girlfriends, my boyfriend suddenly appeared and tapped me on the shoulder. I opened my eyes and was shocked to see him and like 6 of his friends?! He just wanted to let me know that they were starting their football (soccer) game a bit late and that he wanted to push back dinner for an hour. As they walked away I thought about how in America we’d all be shocked that all of our significant others friends had just seen us topless, but it truly was no big deal. I would recommend all college girls spend a semester topless on a beach–I’m now in my 30’s and pregnant with my second baby, my body certainly looks different than 13 years ago–but I’m significantly more comfortable in my own skin than most women I know. (I also recommend french boyfriends to all 20 somethings!)
I like to go nude and topless on nude beachs. It my choice. I don’t care what other people think.
It’s pity that nobody is realising that toples sunbathing for women is the MAJOR reason for breast cancer!
Like many others that have posted on here, I had never been topless in public before until we went the Greek Islands several years ago (I was 28 at the time and the hubby was 29). The first day we went to the beach it was VERY crowded with all the beautiful people. I quickly noticed that 50% of the women were topless and probably another 25% (men and women) were totally nude. It shocked me at first but after a few minutes I didn’t even notice. The second day we went I decided to try being topless and loved it! When the majority of women are topless it isn’t a big deal and no one cares. After several days we took the plunge and took everything off which felt really strange at first. The nude part of this beach was at the far end of the beach so we spent the day there. I can honestly say this was one of the most liberating events in my life! There were at least 100 naked people (male and female) all around me and it felt so natural to be naked. It was not like I expected and couples weren’t having sex and guys weren’t walking around with hard ons. We met so many nice couples and even planned future nude vacations with them. If you haven’t tried it you should! You will hate being at a beach or pool clothed ever again.