Here’s an excerpt from my latest newsletter:
Hello there! Happy June! Also: Dang I am not doing well at the moment.
I think the simplest description is just that my depression is acting up again. I take my medicine (wellbutrin) every day. I haven’t changed my schedule or taken on unusual projects. There isn’t really a good explanation for why it’s hitting me now. Sometimes it just takes over despite my best efforts. It feels like I’m in deep water, and I’m kicking hard to get above the surface of the water, but I never quite reach it.
Something different I’ve noticed this round is that I kind of feel blasé about it? As if maybe I am more accepting of this brain of mine? I’m not particularly worried about the darkness this time. I’m not obsessed with wanting to die. I’m just enduring, getting through it, trusting it will stop at some point. Is it possible that I’ve become practiced at depressive episodes? Or maybe my medicine is just keeping me from the worst of it?
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