Image and text by Gabrielle.
I realize the title of this post implies otherwise, but I’m not pregnant. I promise. And I have zero plans to have another baby. I really, truly feel like our little family is complete.
So what’s with all the baby cravings I’ve been having lately?
I see babies and have to stop myself from picking them up without permission. I see pregnant friends and my hand instinctively goes to my belly to acknowledge my own (non-existent) pregnancy. I find myself listening in on conversations about the latest baby gear and making mental notes for future purchases that aren’t going to happen.
All that, and yet I assure you with complete confidence that I don’t actually want to have another baby. I am 100% uninterested in being pregnant.
It occurs to me that it might be my biological clock. These baby cravings may be a simple reminder from my body: Hey. Want to have a baby? You should go for it asap. This offer won’t last forever!
And if that’s true, it has caught me off guard. I guess it never occurred to me that after six babies, my biological clock would still be nagging me. Or perhaps my assumptions are wrong, and it has nothing to do with my biology. Maybe there’s just something in the air.
Tell me, friends, has this ever happened to you? Are you done growing your family (or maybe content not growing a family at all), but still having baby pangs? If yes, does it go away at some point, or does it continue until grandkids arrive? Hah! I’d love to hear your experiences.
P.S. — Remember Baby June?
When pregnant with our second and last pregnancy, I always knew I would probably ache for more but that our family would be complete after 2 kids. Then we found out we were having twins. When they were born and we were a family of 5, I had a strong feeling that we were all here now. A twin pregnancy and the reality of day to day life with twins and a 3 year old have cured any baby cravings that might ever exist.
Yep, I had twins first and I think the pregnancy and the increased chance of having them again put me off!
We have four kids and it’s perfect – two girls and two boys in that order. My youngest is only six months old and I already have baby cravings! I am pretty sure that our family is complete but at the same time I can’t bring myself to get rid of baby gear my little guy has outgrown. I think for me the baby cravings are more indicative of a longing for all the sweet moments that have passed for my rapidly growing kids. It’s a feeling of wanting to hold on tight to the time slipping through my fingers and a little bit of fear of what to expect in the next chapter of my life. I have been a mom of small children for so long now that it’s hard to imagine myself without a baby on the hip. That’s just me. For now I’ll go back to cuddling my wee ones and trying to be mindful..
Beautifully said. This is how I feel too!
Yes, this is absolutely how I feel! We have three children: 8, 6 and an almost 3 year-old. It has been hard with our third child thinking of what might be our last “firsts.”
We have three sons and a small business and I’m in grad school. We are working to pay of student loans and really can’t afford monthly payments to the midwife right now. The plan is to not get pregnant for one more year, but I want a girl so bad. I keep hoping for condom malfunctions and being disappointed every month when my period starts. I know it’s not the best time for us right now, but it’s like being on a diet and all you can think about is pizza. I swear that the saying no is making it worse. All I can think about is baby girl stuff.
I have a hard time getting pregnant so when I realized a year ago that my 3-year-old was going to be my last, I had a really hard time with it. I cried about it often and kept saying “But I didn’t KNOW she was my last, I didn’t enjoy it like I should have!” A surprise positive pregnancy test two months later and now I have my sweet baby boy here. And I KNOW he’s my last and it’s okay, because I know. :) But I told my husband I will really miss the things about babies that I’ll never have again, like when I’m the only one who can comfort him, and it’s MY milk that made him go from 7 lbs to 14 in two months, and the way he smiles at me like “You’re my mom and I LOVE you!” I know I’ll have grandkids and it will be great, but there’s nothing like being a mom to a newborn.
A lot of my friends are having babies lately and there are so many cute baby pictures on facebook — so my uterus is aching for another baby. And yet – we’re done – my husband had the procedure… Plus, I hated being pregnant. And I’m as sleep deprived as they come with 3 yo and 1 yo already. I’m still not 100% sure I won’t want another one later – it’s been on my mind a lot when seeing all those pics…
Yes totally! I have 5, and thought there would be one more, but it never happened- I have no idea if it ever will. I am 41 and my body says, “no way do you want to do that again” and my anxiety doesn’t want to do that again, but I have been very achy for babies the past several months. 3 of my daughters want another baby in the house too, but I think since I have a 19 year old, I will probably be fine holding out for a grand baby. I have just been thinking that’s what must be happening. I have friends and now two siblings that get to do the grandparent thing now. I think your theory about the biological clock might have some validity though. Makes sense to me. But I don’t know if my body even does do that anymore! :)
I have 4 beautiful children & thought I was finished until I turned 40 ! I think the idea that it’s now or never to have one more, has really gotten me obsessing over babies.
I think some moms aren’t sure of who they are without babies. It’s such an intense role of being needed 24-7 that it gives a definite sense of purpose. It’s helpful to have other interests you pursue.
I’ve seen some ladies switch their nurturing focus to pets, and that often disappears once grandchildren are born.
I’d consider adopting or fostering if I get the baby itch again.
I read a blog post about this a while back that I absolutely love. I don’t think the “ache” ever really goes away. My youngest (of four) is almost 6 and we have no plans of having more – but still, sometimes…. ;)
http://sarahbessey.com/learning-live-ache/
I’m a mother of 12. I’m happy that I didn’t take planning my children into my own hands. All of the kids are well adjusted and happy. I maybe didnt spend alot of time with them each alone. But just today my 26 year old daughter related that she has to write a paper for her MA Educaton class about why she is so literary. She said one reason was because I read to her so much. She begged to be read to for the cuddle time with mom. She knew I would not sit down unless I was nursing the baby or reading. I was too busy to notice but she did, and learned to make it work for her. My kids are very hard workers and depend on themselves to have sucess. I’m very blest and my days are filled with children yet. I have many grandchildren. I have a degree in writing which I have put to good use in writing poetry and stories for children. Young mothers, listen to your heart.
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I’ve struggled with this for years! I even talked to my Doctor because being done with the baby/toddler years made me utterly depressed literally only 1 week out of every month. Weird, I know. The cure came to me by surprise recently. We gave my Step Son a kitten. Although my Step Son is totally his human, having a kitten in the house to snuggle and play with has taken that baby craving away completely. I never expected it but it’s the cure that worked for me.
I have five children. And I think (and think others must think) how could I not be done? How could I consider having another? And yet, here I am, weeping and weeping as I read through these comments. So much sorrow in knowing there will likely not be another for me.
this post is such a relief to read, plus all the comments. I come from a ultra-career family where big jobs are far prioritised over big families, and my dreams of being a SAHM and having 4 kids seem nuts. Had baby pangs since I was 18, now 26 and it will be another 2 years before a baby comes but gosh I can’t WAIT, despite the nappy changes, short nights, and reduced travelling.
I would love to be pregnant again. I had two very stressful pregnancies – also very lonely on bedrest and I would love a happy, blooming pregnancy! Of course, you can’t order those though and when I think logically, I really think I couldn’t cope with another anyway.
I turned 50 recently and still have baby cravings. I would have another baby in a heartbeat. My children are 16, 14, 12, 10 and 7. When it was clear there wouldn’t be another baby I went back to school (again) for my teaching certificate. I can’t get enough of kindergarten! (And I hear you on the sorrow: I did manage to get pregnant when I was 44 but a horrible illness–a life-threatening septic infection resulting from a bad root canal–ended that pregnancy.) I have been very lucky and have no complaints. But I still will come up to you in the grocery store and tell you how beautiful your baby is.
I think some of our pangs at not having babies would be lessened if we lived in a more interconnected society. Let’s share those little treasures and make their mom’s lives easier in the process.
Hi Gabrielle – I am catching up on your wonderful blog, I’ve missed it. I just wanted to chime in (months late) that at 54, I still have baby cravings. My one & only son is 19 now, too soon to be a grammy, but too old to be a baby mama. I miss it, I do wish circumstances had been different and I had been blessed with many. My one is my light though. xo
I clicked on this post because I have baby cravings all the time. It’s still very hard, even now that I’m 50 years old and have two teenagers of my own. But my philosophy has always been that two adults should only add two more people to the planet for ethical reasons. A one-to-one replacement model. The world is so alarmingly over-populated and there are millions of children who need to be adopted, so if I could have another child in my life, we would choose adoption or fostering. Luckily, I get to babysit this week for a friend who has a baby.
Just stumbled on this post….kinda laughing here cuz I’m well past baby-making age (grandma now) but it brought back a few memories.
Honestly I love our two sons with all my heart. They made my life complete and still do. :-) But I never was one of those who saw a little baby and said, “Ooooh there’s a little baby! Can I hold him/her?” It was enough for me to have our two to snuggle at every age, and I was happy that’s how many we chose to have as our family. (And besides nobody’s baby is as cute as your own, right? LOL)
I got baby cravings (baby fever?) two times between the first and second child. After that… I figured it was time to be done. ;)
so cute, i want one children.hjhj
I have two wonderful children; a girl and a boy. I LOVE them so much and I am so glad to be their mom. But the baby craving thing ended after my second birth. I enjoy holding others’ babies, I would totally sign up to cuddle babies at the hospital, but I am perfectly content with my two kiddos. Part of that may come from being a teacher, which I am, and technically having LOTS of children. Part of it, I think also comes from having anxiety. I need down time to recharge, and I sometimes don’t get to have that down time already. So more babies would equate to even less time to refresh my body/mind/soul.
I started having baby cravings around 25. We had our first daughter when I was 27, followed by another daughter when I was 28. We had our first son when I was 32 and another son when I was 35. They were very busy years with much joy and laughter and love. I was fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom. Baby cravings lasted well into my forties maybe even 50. At 58 no cravings! Don’t even have baby cravings for grandchildren. So in love with my fur babies and almost empty nest.
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I am 31 years old and for the past few months I have started having more baby cravings. I always used to love babies but never knew that it will turn into an obsession. For the last 3 years I have not had sex also.
I have not been married and have never been pregnant. I have a boyfriend but he’s from a different religion… and we are in a long distance relationship. So it’s difficult for us to get married because our parents won’t agree to our relationship. And right now we are busy making our careers.
Now whenever I see pregnant women or see videos of children, something happens to me. I start craving to be pregnant. It’s taking a toll on me now.
I also realise that after few years I will not have the capability to bear a child… And this scares me most. But I can’t see any possibility of getting married in the next 4-5 years.
I don’t know what to do. Is it psychological ? I don’t know how to make myself understand. I know it’s completely fine to not have babies but my body doesn’t understand. I crave every moment. I know I have an option to adopt also… But the problem is I want to bear a child. It’s that obsession.
Please help me out with a solution..
I doubt you’ll see this, Sarah, but in case you do–I could have written that word-for-word, except that I’m 2 years further along!
My 4th and last baby is 16. I was okay being done after my 4th, until he was about 4 or 5 then I desperately wanted more, though we couldn’t have more. It wasn’t until he was like 9 or 10 that I was again okay not having more. Then occasionally, over the years, I started getting the cravings! haha
Here’s how I deal… a grandma trunk! haha
I have precious blankets and toys from my babies, and a very few items of their clothing I thought were worth saving. (we were poor when they were babies so most was not great quality) And now I buy things to go inside and wait for my grand babies. When I have a craving I look for high-quality, timeless pieces to add. Its a nice, slow, even economical, way to gear up for my grand babies, which I know I will want to shower with cuteness:)
My youngest (of four) is almost 6 and we have no plans of having more – but still, sometimes…. ;)
I’m cuddling my two month old fourth and final. (Juniper, though we call her June/Julie.) I have newborn baby wishes because she’s growing so fast.
Junie. Autocorrect is still learning